


A Message Too Intimate for the Ear

by Hermaline75



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Accidental Phone Sex, Accidental Voyeurism, Anal Sex, Chat Lines, Cyrano de Bergerac esque, Farce, First Time, Hand Jobs, Light Angst, M/M, Oral Sex, Ridiculous schemes that will never work, Rimming, Set around Christmas for some reason, Sex lines, Truckers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-09-14 19:13:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 65
Words: 57,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9198953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermaline75/pseuds/Hermaline75
Summary: Thor doesn't mind being a trucker, but the long hours of empty highway can get a little lonely and using a voice modulator to pretend to be "Roxy" on a premium rate sex line does while away the time and boost his income.Until he gets a call from a young man named Loki and somehow ends up agreeing to meet him...Time to call in a favour from a friend.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [pinknoonicorn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinknoonicorn/pseuds/pinknoonicorn) in the [ThorLokiPromptMeme](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/ThorLokiPromptMeme) collection. 



> Title comes from Cyrano de Bergerac, which I have never read, but I know the gist of it. Also I have no idea how voice modulators work, so... don't look too hard at that...
> 
>   **Prompt:**
> 
> Ok. Most premium sex line workers in the US are truckers with voice modulators. Loki calls on a dare and to piss off his stepfather who pays the bill. Thor answers and over the course of several phone calls (you can ask for your girl by name) ends up pseudo counselling Loki especially after he reveals he's gay to Thor and scared to come out. A meet is arranged. Loki is expecting a woman so Thor involves his friend Sif. Could become a Cyrano de Bergerac type fic or just a one shot. Just this seemed such a Thor made idea...

Why did the heater always cut out in the middle of winter? Thor had been practically sweating just an hour or so ago and now his breath was misting in the air of the cab.

Three hours to go before he hit driving limit... They stretched horribly in front of him, long enough to be worth it, but in this chill he'd feel every single mile. Ugh... Try to find a motel or sleep in the cab? Could he afford an actual room? Or was it going to be him and the blankets again in some rest stop?

Could he be bothered? The bunk was perfectly comfortable and he wouldn't have to worry about check-in or anything.

He was relieved when his phone beeped, his _special_ work phone, and tried to brace himself to keep the shiver out of his voice. Couldn't have people finding out that the hot babe in their neighbourhood was actually freezing and a man and in the middle of nowhere.

He checked his modulator was on, speeding his voice up subtly to make it seem higher than it really was, and connected.

"Hi," he purred, lengthening his vowels just a little. "Roxy here. What's your name?"

"It's Hunter."

"Ooh, third time this week. Someone's horny."

It was hardly ever their real name. You could almost hear them thinking as they made them up. But he didn't mind. Be a bit hypocritical of him if he did.

They thought they had a sort of relationship with Roxy, and to an extent, that was true. Even premium sex lines were cheaper than most therapy and being able to "press three for Roxy" or "press five for Chardonnay" meant they could always get the voice they wanted on the other end of the line.

It was amazing how intimate it became sometimes and not just sexually. He'd had men break down and tell him about health scares, divorces, family dramas. And he always tried his best to be comforting. Happy customers were repeat customers after all.

Guilt for lying? No, he didn't worry about that. This was a service which he provided and they were willing to pay for. They'd never meet. What they didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

And he got a bit of welcome distraction at moments like this, even if he had to do his best porn star impression for it.

The only downside was having to concentrate on holding back his laughter if any of them said something about him not being like other women.

It had been a year since he started trucking and four months since he started moonlighting as Roxy on the side. His friend Sif's idea. She'd seen a documentary or read an article or something, truckers pretending to be the girls on postcards in pay phones, and she thought it was hilarious. She'd looked into it on his behalf as a joke.

But the pay was surprisingly good. Not enough to live on, even if you took calls non-stop for a full day, but combined with his regular job it certainly helped pay the bills.

Hunter was a regular, but especially recently. Thor wondered if he was going through something at work or at home, but he didn't want to ask and he was pretty sure it wouldn't be revealed any time soon.

"Mmm, just hearing your voice gets me so hot now. You've trained me up good."

He had a knack for learning what people liked to hear. Some wanted him to describe playing with the clitoris that he didn't have, or to describe his bust in excruciating detail. Some liked to tell him all the fun things they could do together, others for him to tell them all about it. Some wanted to always be in control, others shyly asked to be put in their place by a strict mistress.

Though in theory he was attracted to men and therefore should enjoy getting to hear them pleasuring themselves, the combination of having to pay attention to the road and focus exclusively on the customer's enjoyment tended to curb any excitement he might feel, at least until he was alone for the night and could relive any particularly interesting moments.

Hunter was all business this time. He was audibly frustrated. He wanted to hear Roxy moan for him and so Thor did, even while navigating a - thankfully almost deserted - intersection. It would be embarrassing if he thought about it too hard, making such noises on demand, pretending to be touching himself for complete strangers.

Sometimes he looked at men on the street and wondered. Him? Or maybe him? Did he hear that voice last week, would he hear that one in the weeks to come?

Less than five minutes later, he heard Hunter grunt. Done and done. Awkward goodbyes. Promises to be waiting for his next call. And then more thoroughly dull driving.

It was nearly dark when Thor stopped, one of only three trucks in the rest stop, and set about making sure everything was secure. After that, he treated himself to a grilled cheese from the run-down all-night diner, taking it back to his little home from home in all its greasy, savoury goodness. Not the most talkative bed mate he'd ever had, but very satisfying.

He was just settling in to sleep when he heard the beep. He hesitated. He could refuse the call, of course. The caller would hear a recorded message that Roxy was busy.

But it probably wouldn't take long. A few extra cents to add to the day's takings couldn't hurt.

"Hi. I'm Roxy. What's your name?"

"Are you a real person?"

A common query. Plenty people thought they might be recordings. Quite how that would work with all the question-answer stuff, he wasn't quite sure.

"Yes, I am."

"Prove it."

Thor chuckled.

"How would I do that? You might just think I'm an exceptionally well-programmed AI, Mr Mysterious."

A heavy sigh and Thor suddenly got the impression that he was talking to a teenager. No one else could have sighed with such heart in it, such heavy disdain for everything.

"How old are you?" he asked suspiciously. He did have some scruples after all. "You know this line is strictly adults only?"

"Good job I'm 18 then. Do you get paid by the minute or per call?"

Thor blinked, confused, unsure where this was going.

"By the minute."

"Then you won't mind helping me run up my stepdad's phone bill with naughty sex lines."

Well, it wasn't the oddest request he'd ever had. He still hesitated though. This felt like dangerous ground.

"Won't that get you in trouble?"

"I have an airtight alibi, don't worry about me."

This seemed like a terrible idea, but making mistakes was part of growing up and it wasn't Thor's job to parent. It certainly wasn't Roxy's.

"What do you want to talk about?" he said suggestively, figuring it couldn't hurt as long as the voice's owner really was 18.

A pause. His caller was thinking.

"You must be really bored of sex all day. Is it weird? Men calling you up to talk dirty to them?"

"It can be. But I like it."

"I think you like the money more."

Thor laughed. Such fiscal insight!

"Well, no shame in working to pay the bills. What about you? High school?"

"College, actually. I'm home for the holidays but _he's_ moved in to make my life hell."

Thor let him talk. All about how he had come back to his childhood home to find all his stuff had been put in the attic so his room could become a guest bedroom, how the WiFi got turned off at eight in the evening no matter how much he protested he needed it for coursework and - most galling of all, it seemed - how he'd been given a curfew.

"11pm. Most places aren't even open by 11pm. I've been living by myself all semester and I've survived perfectly well and suddenly it's all 'my house, my rules, just because you're 18 doesn't mean you're an adult...'"

"That must suck," Thor said. He was genuinely sympathetic. He'd had his fair share of authoritarian parenting. In a loving way, of course, and at 23 he could see that, but it had been awful at the time.

"I can't wait to be out of here," the voice said.

"What about your mom?"

Hesitation.

"I mean, I love her, but he always manages to convince her to take his side. And then when I argue, he's like, 'See, so immature, can't be trusted, needs a strong male role model' and I just want to scream. It's like he blames her that my biological father walked out on us. Like he's blaming her for everything I do, even though she managed to bring me up and get me through school and scrimp together enough to get me into college. If I need a male role model, I'd rather have the head of the chemistry department than him. I'd rather have Mr Richards from second grade. Hell, I'd rather have the guy at the back of class who shows up ten minutes late every day."

It came pouring out of him. Like a dam bursting. Like he'd been wanting to say this stuff for ages but hadn't had anyone to say it to. Before Thor knew it, they'd been talking for an hour. Or rather, the voice had been talking. He'd mainly been making occasional sympathetic noises.

"I better go. I'm meant to be coming in the front door soon and I need to sneak in the window and put this thing on to charge. You're a really good listener, Roxy."

"Any time."

"Is that your real name?"

"No. But it's what I go by."

"I go by Loki. Mostly because it's my name."

There had been no pause for thought. It was probably true.

"Been nice talking to you, Loki. Good luck."

"Thanks. Bye."

Thor chuckled as the line went dead. Yeah, he'd known a few like Loki in his time. World all figured out. Struggling with their own stuff that didn't seem big enough to bother a professional with, but needing someone to talk to. Hell, he'd been there himself.

He hoped it had helped. Though maybe he should have encouraged him to talk to his mom alone, in a low pressure environment. Arguments were not a good place for anyone to get what they wanted to say out sensibly.

Last check of the door locks and the vents, not that anyone was likely to try and rob him out here in this weather, and he could finally sleep.

Loki... Nice name.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mom. It's Thor."

"Darling!"

Thor tried not to laugh. He knew his parents had caller ID on their home phone and that he was programmed into it, but his mother seemed to ignore it solely so she could enjoy the surprise.

"Are you going to be with us for Christmas? Less than a week to go!"

And all the presents still to buy...

"I hope so. Should be making my last delivery today, then I've just got to get east again."

"Oh, wonderful. I'll make sure there's extra cranberry sauce for you."

"That's Balder. I'm the extra parsnips one."

"Oh, of course you are, sorry."

It was almost comforting. Every year, getting passed the bowl of red sauce and trying to subtly shuffle it over to his brother in exchange for more delicious honey-glazed root veggies. It wasn't even like his mother was forgetful, she just had some kind of mental block on that one specific fact.

"Alright. I'll see you soon then."

"Drive safe."

He tried. He had to hand it to his parents, they'd taken his defection from the family business remarkably well. He'd wanted to go to college and they'd supported him in that, but unfortunately it hadn't really gone to plan. He was bright enough, his advisor said, but he hadn't really taken to campus life. He stressed too much, got into a panic, was sure his work wasn't good enough and needed more tweaking, missed deadlines because of that...

 _Maybe this just isn't right for you,_ was the worst thing he'd ever heard. It seemed like confirmation of his deepest fears, that he wasn't meant to be there, that there had been some mix-up and his place was meant for someone else.

_Take some time. Try to get a job for a few years. You can always come back as a mature student if this is still what you want to do._

They'd been right. He was much happier now. He'd started at the bottom in a warehouse, made team leader, then floor manager and then jumped ship to be a delivery guy and now a truck driver. Not the best paid job, but he liked it. He liked travelling. Routes he knew, routes he didn't, just him and the open road and the occasional horny caller.

There was something about the holiday season, it seemed. Normally he only got two or three calls a day, and suddenly he'd had four in just one morning. People felt loneliness more keenly, he guessed.

Still, he pulled into his delivery destination in the early afternoon so it was time to switch off the Roxy phone and go through all the unloading protocol. Forms and checks and double checks and signing off.

He liked to help a little with the physical unloading. He'd been in the warehouse and distribution centre, he knew how much a little assistance was appreciated, even if it was just helping to heave all the stuff into the doorway.

As such, he was a little winded when he turned the phone back on, barely starting the ignition before the first beep came.

"Hi," he said breathlessly. "I'm Roxy. What's your name?"

"It's me."

He blinked a couple of times and chuckled.

"Loki? How's it going?"

"Good, you know. Bored. You sound tired."

With anyone else, he'd make it dirty, make some joke about having just finished something very fun that the caller might want to hear all about. But Loki didn't seem interested in that.

"Just been moving some stuff around."

Awkward silence.

"I liked talking to you yesterday," Loki said.

"Same. Did you manage to sneak in OK?"

"Yeah. I keep telling my mom that the trellis is unsafe and someone's going to break in using it one day, but she doesn't listen to me. About anything."

Thor hesitated, signalling at the junction onto a practically deserted freeway. Missing rush-hour at least.

"Have you tried talking to her alone?" he asked.

Scoffing.

"Of course. She still doesn't listen. Cuts me off saying I don't know what I'm talking about. There's no point."

"So you're running up the bill again?"

He'd aimed for jovial, but Loki's sigh told him he'd missed the mark by quite a way.

"No, actually. This is my phone. I'm paying. I just... I don't really have anyone to talk to here. All my friends are scattered. And it was... It was nice to be listened to."

His own money... Roxy's company didn't come cheap. A college student wouldn't be able to afford much.

For the first time in his career, Thor felt a pang of guilt. Someone calling out for help was nothing new, but he really didn't feel like Loki could pay for this.

"I'd hate for you to bankrupt yourself on me. Even though I liked listening to you."

"Are you... Are you telling me to hang up?"

Ouch... He sounded devasted. No one listening to him at home, unable to talk to his friends about what was bothering him. It was hard to talk to people sometimes. A friendly stranger on the phone would come in very handy for a lot of people.

Oh, he was going to regret this...

"Do you get free minutes to cellphones?" he asked, wincing. "Get a pen. I'm going to give you my cheap number."

Stunned silence.

"Isn't that dangerous? I mean... I could be anyone. I could be a murderer."

"I could be anyone too."

And considering he almost certainly wasn't who Loki was picturing, he didn't think he had much to worry about.

"What about... you know, your job? I don't want you to lose earnings."

"Oh, it's always quiet around Christmas," Thor lied. "Don't worry about it."

He gave Loki his number, checking his rearview mirror as he pulled over into the emergency lane for just a minute, quickly moving his modulator to his personal phone. It rang in his hands almost instantly.

"Hi, Loki."

"Hi."


	3. Chapter 3

"Why are you doing this?" Loki asked an hour or so later.

"What do you mean?"

"Letting me use up all your time. For no money."

He'd managed to drive out of the snow so at least he didn't have to worry about that anymore, but the sun was now at the most irritating angle, making him squinted even with the visor down.

"Well, you sound like you need someone to talk to. I needed that too at your age."

"'At my age'? How old are you?"

"23."

"Wow, all the wisdom of an extra five years. That's nothing. My mom is eight years older than my stepdad, not that you'd know it from his bald spot."

Thor snorted. He was genuinely enjoying talking to Loki, even if he was prickly as hell. He liked it that day, and the next, and the next. Time seemed to pass more quickly, even just hearing Loki's stories and worries about college, where he'd live next year and who with, whether he'd make it through Christmas alive.

"What about you? Got any fun plans?"

"Family, you know. The usual."

"Do they... Do they know what you do? The phone sex?"

"Oh, God, no. I think my dad would die of shame."

"You don't talk about yourself much."

Well, obviously not. One-dimensional sex talk was one thing, but the last thing he needed was to give Roxy some kind of backstory.

"Not much to tell. I'm really quite boring."

True, or he thought so anyway. He drove his truck, he kept his stuff in a tiny apartment, he went running sometimes. No real hobbies or interests. Nothing interesting at all.

Loki didn't seem convinced, but he also wasn't pushing it.

"So I won't be able to call you like this for a few days, I guess, if you're busy with family stuff..."

"No. I guess not."

A sigh.

"This is going to sound lame, but I think I'll miss these daily chats. No one else would put up with my monologuing."

"Aw, Loki. Are you falling in love with me?"

He meant it as a joke, but Loki wasn't laughing. In fact, he seemed very serious all of a sudden.

"Does that happen a lot? Do they fall in love with you?"

"Sometimes they think they do. Or they tell themselves they are. The psychology of it is complicated. Some people need to feel like there's a deep emotional connection before they feel comfortable talking about the stuff I tend to talk about."

"Roxy, um... How do you make men like you?"

Of all the questions he hadn't expected...

"Well... I mean, what I do on the phone is very different from real life. It's not... It's not like in a real relationship. I give and they take, rather than a more balanced, equal kind of thing."

"But men like you in real life, right?"

Chance would be a fine thing. Not many boyfriends wanted to put up with the long separations of his job in his experience. How to get out of this? Make a joke, distract...

"Are you looking for tips on how to pick up guys?"

Again, Loki wasn't laughing.

"Yeah. A bit. Maybe? I don't know, I just... I find it hard to connect with people sometimes, I think. I tried going to the LGBT mixer at college but I got scared and went home after about five minutes. And my mom keeps asking if I've met any nice girls..."

Ah... Oh, dear.

"Having trouble coming out?"

Heavy sighing. Oh, this was going to be a long one. Not that he minded, but in his experience, offering advice on this sort of stuff without knowing the whole family was pretty much impossible. Considering there seemed to be assumptions going on and Loki's animosity with his stepfather, it could get complicated very fast.

"You're not alone," he said helplessly, knowing it wasn't worth much. "I... My brother came out a few years ago."

"How? I just don't understand how to get the courage for it."

Well, it wasn't Balder, but Thor remembered his own coming out like it was yesterday.

"Well, he waited until everyone was together so he only had to do it once and he just came out with it. Like ripping off a band-aid."

Nevermind the fact that his mouth had been so dry he'd expected to choke and his heart had been pounding in his ears and his hands had been trembling, voice too.

"And how did your parents take it?"

"Fine. I think they were surprised, but they got over it soon enough."

"Well, I think he got lucky, your brother. I mean, I want to come out, I do. I think maybe my problem with romance is partially that I don't want to burden someone with the problem of being secret. I mean, who wants a boyfriend who can't even be honest to his own parents about... something so basic?"

Thor's heart ached for him. He remembered it well, the fear, the crushing worry.

"Plenty people are closeted for a whole range of reasons," he said. "Don't be ashamed of it. It's your business."

"I'm not ashamed. I just don't want to have it hanging over me anymore. It's like... Like a shadow, always there. And I want it gone, sooner rather than later."

Yeah, he remembered that feeling too. Waking up in the middle of the night with his stomach in knots, imagining being disowned or in some way rejected. Stupid, really. Of course his parents wouldn't do that, and neither would Balder, but that didn't make the fear any less real.

"Maybe you have to run through a little fire to be rid of your shadows."

To his immense relief, Loki laughed.

"I'll try to remember that. Poetic. I want to do it this holiday, get it over and done with. Just hope I don't get burned is all."

Fair point.

"Let me know how it goes?"

"Oh, don't worry. I'll be sure to blame you if it all goes wrong."

Thor laughed out loud at that and hoped he hadn't just given bad advice.


	4. Chapter 4

Part of Thor didn't like leaving his truck in the depot. He missed her. He worried about her. As if he'd come back and she'd be gone. Company truck and therefore theirs to replace on a whim, but somehow his all the same.

But that was how it was. Leave the truck, go pack a bag, join all the other harried shoppers in last minute present purchasing. He was awful at gifts, but no one in his family seemed to mind. Thought that counts, and so on.

And he couldn't take anything too bulky anyway. He had to get it all on the Greyhound after all.

Sif thought it was hilarious that he didn't have a car since his job was driving, but why bother? He wouldn't use one often enough to justify it. It would just sit outside his apartment, costing money. He didn't need it in town; everything he might want was within walking or public transport distance.

Besides, this way he had the luxury of sleeping during his journey, arriving refreshed and ready for festivities. Ready for the smell of cinnamon and nutmeg from the moment he stepped through the door, ready for carols and awkwardly going to church for his one service a year, ready for all the little things that populated this time, year in year out.

Somehow not ready for immediately being put on vegetable chopping duty, but at least his father brought him a beer, winking and invoking the spirit of the season as an excuse.

It was warm and full of laughter, his mother managing to sneak an apron around his waist, celebrating everyone's arrival for Christmas together.

"How's the cut and thrust of trucking, then?" Balder asked when they finally sat down around the kitchen table.

"Same old. Wouldn't mind being sent a little further south next time though. Poor old heating is starting to pack up. Needs repairing."

"Oh, they really should update that stock," his mother said. "It's falling apart. I worry about you, you know."

"Mmph! I happen to _like_ my falling apart baby."

"It is your longest relationship to be fair," Balder said through a mouthful of potatoes.

"Oh, ha-ha..."

Good-natured family arguments. Better than most people's Christmas, probably. Even if that last comment undoubtedly meant he'd be interrogated in approximately three seconds.

"Is there anyone... new or special in your life?" his mother asked.

"Um..."

Ridiculously, his mind flicked to Loki. It hardly counted did it? _'Sure, Mom, I've been having these great conversations with an 18-year-old who thinks I'm a woman named Roxy. We've really hit it off.'_

"No, nothing serious."

Now that he'd thought of Loki, it was difficult to stop. Was he sitting with his mom and stepdad, maybe a sibling or two if he had any, preparing to unburden himself? Had he backed out? Was he going to do it tonight?

He blinked back to the present, trying to smile like he'd been listening to whatever Balder was saying and not worrying about his new friend.

God, a friend.

How long had it been since he last made a friend? There were the depot guys, of course, but they were colleagues rather than actual buddies. One or two down the years, but they didn't tend to stick around. He was never around, always off somewhere, always missing all the bar nights and cinema trips and birthdays until they stopped inviting him.

Of course, there was Sif, but they'd known each other forever. If they weren't orientationally incompatible, they'd probably be married by now.

Lonely. That was the truth of it. That was why he played at being Roxy, not the money. He liked people trusting him. He liked feeling needed, even just for fleeting sexual gratification.

He liked the idea that Loki liked him. Or liked Roxy. It fulfilled a need he had, a need to be needed. As a friend. As someone who'd listen and try to help. He liked being relied on.

"You will, won't you, Thor?" his mother said.

"Hmm?"

"Come for a walk with me on Christmas morning."

"Oh, of course. Bracing. Healthy. Mmm."

At least his mom would always need him, even if just for a bit of company.


	5. Chapter 5

Loki called him on Christmas day. To be fair, he did text a few times beforehand, but Thor had politely switched his phone off for midnight mass and forgotten to switch it back on again until they got in from the traditional morning walk, damp and pink-cheeked and in dire need of a change of socks.

Maybe he'd subconsciously expected it. Why else would he have packed his modulator? It wasn't like he was going to squeeze in a little Roxy time over the holidays, not with his family around.

He could hardly help but be a little concerned by the tone of the messages.

_Hi, Roxy. Is it ok if I call you?_

_Pls text me even with a no._

_Sorry, you're prob super busy._

_I'd really appreciate it if you could call me back._

Well, that was quite literally a call for help, one he could hardly ignore. He hurriedly hooked up his voice changer and flopped his damp jeans onto the radiator, pacing up and down as the line rang.

"Roxy?"

"Hi. Sorry, I wasn't ignoring you. My phone was off."

"I'm going to do it. Today. I'm terrified."

Right. On Christmas day itself. Wouldn't be Thor's choice, but the last thing Loki needed right now was discouragement.

"Alright," Thor said. "Keep breathing. It will be fine, just remember that. You're probably imagining the worst possible outcome and that almost certainly won't happen."

Loki let out a long, shaky exhale.

"You must think I'm ridiculous," he said. "What am I doing needing coaching through this? You don't have time for some panicky kid..."

"I don't think you're ridiculous. At all. And I have time for you. Honestly."

"So I can call you later? Afterwards?"

Thor didn't know what Loki looked like, but he could almost imagine him, tugging at his sleeves, little worried frown, biting his lip.

"Of course. And if I miss you somehow, I will call you right back. Good luck."

"Thanks. Really."

It felt so good to know he was really making a difference, really helping someone, but Thor's stomach still dropped when he glanced up to find Balder frowning curiously at him through his ajar door.

"Ever heard of privacy? I'm changing."

"And on the phone to someone. Sounded serious. And not work-y so don't try that one on me."

"Well, like I said, it's private."

Balder seemed decidedly less than convinced, all raised eyebrows and innocent shrugging.

"Hey, whatever, it's your business if you don't want to talk about it. Anyway, come on. If we don't open presents soon, I think Mom will get stress fractures."

His mother was intimidatingly good at gift giving. She had a knack for it, a seemingly unerring ability to choose exactly what the recipient would need or appreciate. Getting to watch them be opened was her gift to herself, a little confirmation that she knew everyone so well.

As such, Thor was a little surprised when his gift was a thin envelope. Gift card? Unlikely.

Oh. A voucher. A meal for two from the set menu at Acciacatura, the fancy Italian place.

"So you can take a friend," his mother said, smiling.

Oh... Oh, God, she knew. He wasn't hiding his loneliness nearly as well as he thought he was. She was worried about him.

Well, maybe Sif would go with him. Nothing to sniff at about a free dinner after all and she did love her food.

His presents of new ultra-light gardening tools, books on travel and comedy DVDs were deemed thoughtful enough. It was probably fairly obvious that he'd found one idea for each of them and stuck to it, but they honestly didn't seem to mind.

And he was more concerned by the fact that his mother definitely thought he was lonely. A little, yes, but hardly so bad that he needed a night out forced upon him. Given, sorry. Not forced. Didn't even have an expiry date.

In theory, he could just never use it, but any time he called, any time he visited, he'd be asked if it was nice. And they'd probably know if he lied. There'd be some detail he hadn't thought of that would give him away.

Balder took his unusual quiet to be due to his prying earlier and seemed to be giving him a wide berth as they helped with dinner preparations. Their father was little help for the main meal. He'd got into patisserie after a few too many episodes of baking shows and was busy making a dozen thin sponge layers for whatever fancy dessert he had planned.

"Oh, just some long days catching up with me," Thor said when pressed about his distraction. "Little tired, that's all."

He'd mostly got over it by the time they actually sat down, laughing as he inevitably had to subtly pass Balder the cranberry sauce. This was what it was all about. Togetherness. Family. Hearing all about his mother's friends in the rambling club, his father's nights out with his long-retired former employees, Balder's ideas for innovation in office design.

His phone rang loudly just as the beautiful layered cake was brought out, an intrusion that he'd brought into their family time.

He could just...

No. No, he couldn't. He'd basically promised.

"Sorry, excuse me, I really have to take this."

"Thor?"

"Just a minute!"

He ran out into the hallway. Not private enough.

Out on the porch it was then, and never mind the snow. He'd live with the cold for a few minutes.

"Loki?"

The long, drawn-out sniff was almost more than he could bear by itself.

Oh, no...


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey, hey, calm down. Talk to me. Breathing, remember?"

It took a while, but eventually there were words amongst the damp breaths.

"He... He said he wasn't surprised... No wonder with me growing up the way I did, surrounded by women all the time..."

Thor sighed, crouching down, his breath curling in front of his face, everything lit by the flashing of the neighbor's Christmas lights. Everything was far too jolly for this conversation.

"Well, that's bullshit, but I don't care what he said. What about your mom? What did she say?"

More snuffling.

"Not much. She said she didn't care, that she'd love me no matter who I wanted to bring home. All that shit you see on TV with picture-perfect fake families. Doesn't matter anyway. I'm leaving."

"Leaving? Come on, Loki. It's Christmas Day. Christmas night. There'll be no trains or buses going anywhere."

"Then I'll take his fucking car!"

This was dangerous ground. Emotions were high. Treading carefully, not making anything worse...

"Hey," Thor said gently. "I understand. But I don't think you're in any position to drive right now, especially not if the weather is bad. Let's take a moment. Trust me, I've made more than my fair share of rash decisions and the regret is always worse."

"Then what am I supposed to do? It's freezing out here."

A shiver went through Thor that had nothing to do with the cold. If the weather was anything like this wherever Loki was, he'd be in danger of chills, flu, pneumonia...

"Where are you now?"

A pause and then Loki sighed.

"I'm sitting on a rock at the end of the street. It's out of the wind. I haven't even got a bag with me, just my coat."

At least that was something.

"OK. Listen to me. Go home. Your mom is probably freaking out right now. You should trust her when she says she loves you. I know, it probably sounds like she's just trying to say the right thing, but have you considered that she might mean it? That maybe she can't word it right but that she really means what she says?"

He could almost hear the anger bubbling. Better than crushing sadness maybe?

"You don't know. You don't know her."

Well, that was certainly true. Just because his parents had done their best to make sure he felt supported and loved didn't mean everyone was that lucky. But he needed Loki to go home, to be safe and warm overnight at least. Morning is wiser than evening, as his grandfather would say.

"You told me how hard she worked to get you into college. Why would she do that if she didn't care?"

"So I would be gone and she'd be able to move him in?"

"Do you really believe that?"

A sigh.

"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. We don't talk. She doesn't listen and I don't know how to make her."

His teeth were audibly chattering now.

"Loki... Turn round. Go home. Get warm and talk to your mom. I know it's hard, but waiting won't make it easier."

Groaning, but Thor thought he knew he was right. And clearly Loki did too.

"I just... I wish I was back in my room in Philadelphia."

"Philadelphia?"

"Yeah. I'm at Temple. It's one of the colleges there."

Wow. Small world.

What were the chances of that, really? Of course, maybe the neighborhood part of "hot babes in your neighborhood" was true. He was registered for Philly and so if Loki had called from the same state...

"Roxy? What is it?"

"Oh, just... I find myself in Philadelphia time to time. I was surprised, that's all. Now, listen, this is going to suck and I'm sorry about that, but you really do need to go home. They might be upset that you ran off, and you'll need to say sorry. Even if you don't mean it. Your stepdad's a douche from what you've said, but even still. Rise above it. You're better than that. Be the adult, even though it's hard and scream into a pillow later if you need to. I want you in a blanket with a hot chocolate, you hear me?"

A little tentative laugh. A removed voice, that's what Loki needed. Someone to help talk him round to what he probably already wanted if he could just calm down enough to realise it.

"You're right. It will suck."

"But...?"

A heavy sigh, a weight lifting maybe.

"But it's better than freezing my butt off out here."

"Good. That's what I like to hear."

He could hear crunching snow, the distinct sound of Loki heading home.

"Hey, Roxy... Let me know next time you're in Philadelphia. We could... I don't know. Have pizza or something."

Something heavy landed in the pit of Thor's stomach, a horrible stone of worry.

"Sure," he heard himself say. "I don't know when that will be, but... Yeah, sure."

"Well... See you."

"Yeah. Bye. Text me later."

"Thanks. For talking to me."

"Any time."

He hung up with frozen fingers, skin complaining bitterly about the cold and going bright pink as soon as he stepped back into the warmth of indoors.

His slice of cake seemed to glare at him accusingly when he ducked back into the dining room, the cream jug placed deliberately next to it. Everyone else's plate was already cleared.

"Looks great, Dad," he said, waiting for one of them to strike first before going on the defensive.

"So..." Balder began, fingers steepled. "Are you going to tell us what was so important?"

Thor poured his cream slowly from a great height, making patterns with it on the surface of the sponge.

"Just a friend."

"A... friend?"

"Yes," he sighed. "A friend who's going through some personal stuff who I said could call at any time for advice."

"A... male friend?"

He put the jug down a little more firmly than he'd meant to.

"Yes, actually, if that matters."

"I think it's good," his mother said. "Looking out for people. Especially at this time of year."

It wasn't going to be the last he heard of it, he knew, but for now any burning curiosity seemed to be quenched. Or at least doused by his mother's protection, possibly in the hope that he'd confide in her later.

And it was really good cake.


	7. Chapter 7

Thor was in bed when he got the first of the texts.

_You were right. It sucked. But my mom made him say sorry for being insensitive. His idea of a joke apparently. Maybe she's on my side after all._

_I had marshmallows in my hot chocolate like you said._

_Sorry if I interrupted anything. Merry Christmas._

The last thing he did before falling asleep was wish him merry Christmas back.

After that, things were pretty quiet from Loki for the rest of the holidays. It wouldn't be true to say Thor forgot about him, he thought about him multiple times a day, but he assumed no news was good news.

In fact, it wasn't until New Year that he called again. Balder was out with friends, thankfully, but his mother raised her eyebrows at Thor getting a call so close to midnight. As if that meant anything. It was just another night, much the same as any other.

He took himself up to his room, surrounded by old sports pictures and grubby carpet, flopping back on his bed to answer.

"Hi. Happy New Year."

"Ugh... I'm sorry..."

He was slurring a little. Distinctly finding it difficult to speak clearly. So either allergic reaction or...

"Have you been drinking?"

"It's New Year. I am drinking. In the process of. They've gone to a neighbor's party. Didn't wanna go. And I'm lonely and gross."

Well, that was quite a statement.

"I'm sure you're not gross, Loki. And you shouldn't really be drinking you know. Not in such quantities anyway. You'll regret it in the morning."

"I have had a hangover before you know. 'M not a child. And I _am_ gross. My legs are too long, like... You know, a baby horse. And my hair is greasy and my belly is all flat but squishy too, no muscles, and my eyebrows, fucking..."

There was a faint clattering noise and a grunt. It seemed he was sitting down at least, his body having made the decision for him.

"You OK? Did you hurt yourself?"

"No. The floor looked comfy."

Uh-huh...

"You're not gross. I mean, long legs and slender? I don't know, that sounds pretty hot to me. Everyone has their hang-ups, but you can't let them get in your way."

A loud, world-weary sigh.

"Why can't I find a guy like you, Roxy? Someone to talk sense to me and who... Who thinks I'm funny."

Thor hesitated. This would be the time to come clean. This would be the moment to reveal there were not just guys like Roxy but that Roxy was said guy. But then again, he didn't want to lose the trust he'd managed to gain. He didn't want to ruin things with too much honesty. He wanted to be Loki's friend and keep helping him. So telling him the truth was perhaps unwise...

And he should probably be saying something about no one being left on the shelf at 18. All those years ahead to find someone if he wanted to.

But then he'd start sounding like Sif probably. She had no sympathy for his moaning about being forever alone. If he refused to meet people or even think about letting anyone get close, that was the problem to fix and until he was ready to do that...

"What's sex like?" Loki said, startling him out of his thoughts.

"What?"

"Sex. I know it's meant to be amazing, but is it really all that?"

Thor's mind whirled, completely off balance.

"It varies," he said. "Sometimes it's great and sometimes it's terrible. Depends on a lot of things. Who you're doing it with, what mood you're in, er... You know, foreplay..."

How had he ended up talking to an 18-year-old about sex on New Year's Eve? Of all the things to be doing...

"Have you done anal?"

Thor sighed and Loki giggled.

"Yes, I have."

"So you know how to do it. Even though you don't have a prostate gland."

Thor ran a hand down his face, still stunned.

"Where are you going with this?"

Sloshing. He hoped Loki was correct and that his mother and stepfather were indeed out during this discussion. And that he was drinking something relatively weak.

"I've experimented with fingering myself and that's nice, so I bought a toy but I can't get it in."

Thor stared at the ceiling, barely believing he was hearing this, hoping that he was wrong about where this was going.

"But if you know how, then you can talk me through it."

Oh, God... He wished he was never right again.

"Not tonight. I'm at my parents, I can't. And you're drunk."

"Well, I didn't bring it with me. I don't know how much privacy I get around here anymore."

Downstairs, his mother was calling up that the countdown was going to start. And maybe implying that he ought to get off the phone.

"Happy New Year," Thor said firmly. "Get a glass of water before bed. A big one, drink and then refill it. I'll be at my own place on the third, so if sober you wants to, you can call me after that and we'll... Talk about it."

He was blushing. Which was ridiculous. He'd talked about much more explicit things as Roxy. But this was different. This was a friend, this was someone he cared about. It felt weird.

"I'm going back early too, the fourth. It's a date."

Thor ran his hands over his face again when he'd hung up, like he could scrub off the redness, shaking his head helplessly as he ran downstairs to join his parents in the first tumbler of bourbon of the new year.

"Is your friend having a nice time?" his mother asked a little pointedly.

"Er... I think so. He's certainly enjoying himself."

They chuckled. Thor wondered what kind of person they were imagining. Older than Loki really was for sure. Sporty probably. Fan of cooking, fan of eating. Much as Thor was, really. Someone with shared interests.

They were probably thinking he was boyfriend material. Someone to help Sif out with her never-ending quest to prevent him becoming a hermit.

Well, more fool them.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New tags. I'm not sure if I should have some kind of dubious warning for this.
> 
> (Also please note, some sequences shortened, not to be treated as a real guide, etc etc.)

He sort of hoped that Loki would forget all about his plans, but no such luck. He sent an apologetic text about his drunken ramblings the next day, well into the afternoon, but finished it with a winking face. There was no mistaking it.

Thor was actually a little confused that he'd want this. After all, he liked men. Why therefore would he want an apparently female voice in his ear at such an intimate moment?

Then again, buying a sex toy and being unable to use it was probably frustrating. And Roxy was a sex line operator. Embarrassment was not an issue. And having someone giving advice in real time was probably better than reading guides on the internet.

Still, he knew from personal experience that trying to stuff before you could stretch, as it were, was not a great plan. There had to be a lot of preparation, a lot of relaxing and false starts. You had to be gentle before you could go firm.

He couldn't believe he was going to do this.

His apartment smelled a little odd when he got in, musty. Not mice, thank goodness, but it seemed he'd left a plate under the bed somehow. Ugh... Gross.

Sif usually popped round a couple of times a week to make sure he hadn't been robbed, but she was away for the holidays. No one to hang out with. He was a lone wolf, doing a bit of housework, putting away the laundry he'd taken advantage of his parent's machine to do. All alone with just his worries and the ever ticking clock of Loki's call.

He finally rang in the evening of January fourth. Thor felt nervous. As though it was his first time, not Loki's. Oh, this was going to go wrong, he could feel it.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Pause.

"Sorry," Loki said. "This is really weird for me."

"It's not exactly usual for me either. I'm more used to men telling me to stick things inside myself than the other way around."

Loki laughed, his nerves audible.

"Can we... Can we get started?"

"Sure," Thor said, trying to sound calm.

More awkward pause.

"OK, well, I'm naked and I'm on my bed. And you're on speaker, but there's no one else back from break yet. I thought I might... You know. Need both hands."

Well, then. Clinical. Detached. Not panicking.

"Do you have lube? Not lotion, proper stuff."

"Yeah. It came free with the dildo."

Of course it did.

"OK. Use lots. Trust me. Now relax and... you know, play with yourself a bit."

"My cock?"

"No, your... Your hole. You want to relax all the muscles there. Don't go jamming fingers up there too soon. You'll hurt yourself. Make sure you're comfortable before slipping one inside."

Oh, God, he could hear Loki's breathing, so heavy. It was different, being out of the cab of his truck. Nothing else to focus on but the change in sound that probably meant Loki had pushed into himself.

"Go slow. How big is your toy?"

"Like, six inches. Steel. It's... It's very sleek."

"I meant the girth."

"Erm... An inch or so? It's thinner than my cock, but I thought I ought to start small."

He was gasping for breath every few words and Thor realised with horror that his own cock had woken up in response, starting to thicken a little in his jeans.

"Six inches isn't small."

"No, but I... I was scared in case it got stuck up there. I want a lot sticking out to hold on to. Can I put a second one in now?"

"Do you want more? Are you ready for it?"

"Mm-hmm..."

Well, shit, that was a nice sound. A little needy, a hint of a moan in there... Yes, Thor was definitely hard now, unzipping and shoving his underwear out of the way. Just to be comfortable, of course.

"OK, more lube and then give it a try. Once you're used to that, start pushing them apart gently. You want to get all stretched out."

A sharp gasp.

"Gently!"

"I'm trying, I just... Fuck, I want it in me."

Thor's cock twitched and he screwed his eyes shut. Didn't help. Just made him picture a thin, beautiful figure, endless legs spread apart and two fingers buried deep inside.

Oh, no...

"Patience is key. Give your cock a bit of attention if you need distracting."

He could hear the faint sound of skin on skin, the quiet squelch of copious lubricant.

"It feels weird."

"I know. But it'll be worth it."

Deep breaths. It took a while, but he carefully talked Loki through getting a third finger in, making sure he was well and truly ready.

"Alright. Lube up your toy and we'll give it a shot."

Grunting. Uncomfortable grunting.

"It won't go in. And it's cold."

"Lie on it next time. It'll warm up with your body heat. But just relax. Bear down on it."

A gasp. A loud gasp.

"Oh, my God. Fuck... I got the head in and then it just slipped... Oh, that's so weird."

"Good weird?"

"I think so. Maybe. Being full is kinda... Mmm..."

Oh, he was so going to hell. The ground was going to open up and swallow him any second.

"Wait until you're used to it," he said, palming his cock a little. "Then try moving it a little."

"Ow!"

"Uh-huh, that's the reason for the 'getting used to it' part. Use more lube if you want it. And you probably do want it."

He was concentrating very hard on keeping his breathing under control, not that Loki was likely to notice. He was busy panting and letting out little moans and, fuck, if it wasn't gorgeous. Whoever got to draw those sounds out of him for real was a very lucky guy.

"Ah... Oh..."

Pressing his lips together, determined to make no sound that might draw Loki out of the moment, Thor gave up on fighting. He wrapped a hand around his cock and began stroking in earnest, years of practice in a house with thin walls coming into play to help keep him quiet.

"Oh, God... Ooh..."

He had no idea how hot that was. But this was for his pleasure and Thor knew he shouldn't really be...

"Fuck, I'm gonna..."

Well, shit...

He came with a silent cry as Loki moaned out his climax and panted afterwards, letting out little shuddery sighs.

"Holy crap. I may never leave my bed again."

Thor chuckled, trying to ignore the spill on his stomach and hand even while guilt took hold of his heart and squeezed.

"Good experiment?"

"Very. Thanks for helping me."

"Oh, uh... Yeah, you're welcome. Happy to help."

"Is real sex better or worse than that?"

Thor sighed. Difficult to say really.

"Depends. Depends on how in tune you are with your partner. How much care they're taking. By yourself, you always get what you want, no compromise. But intimacy is very nice. A lot of poor technique can be made up for by just feeling wonderful being with a person you care about."

"Huh. I think I'd like to have a boyfriend. Though I expect I'll be doing this a few more times before then."

Bizarrely, Thor felt a slight surge of jealousy at this unknown future boyfriend. Which was ridiculous. It was none of his business.

"Are you back in Philadelphia then?" Loki asked.

"Briefly, yeah."

"I was serious, you know. We should meet up."

Thor hesitated.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

_Well, because I'm a man and I just got off to the sound of you masturbating without your permission and there are probably laws against that and now I feel horrible and this is all way too weird._

"Just... You know. Not sure if I'm ready for that. I like this, there's no pressure involved."

Loki laughed.

"Think about it, OK? Just think about it."

Reluctantly, Thor agreed that he would. But it was ridiculous. He couldn't tell Loki the truth, especially not now. It would only upset and embarrass him. Even if he wanted to sate his curiosity and learn what Loki looked like, he'd have to stand him up and sneak a look at him from afar, unless he had a woman who would agree to be Roxy for the evening.

And that was a stupid idea.

Who would agree to that?


	9. Chapter 9

"This is a stupid idea."

"Sif, just... Hear me out."

She ought to have been suspicious when he invited her round for coffee. Though he could be the heart and soul of the party if he was in the right mood, he hardly ever made the first contact to organise such things. And then there was the fact that he'd cleaned everything and was using the proper coffee and the nice mugs. Clearly trying to butter her up or at least seem like he was of sound mind.

As predicted, he couldn't explain Loki without sounding like he had completely gone off at the deep end. Yes, he'd given an 18-year-old his phone number because he liked chatting to him and, yes, he'd kind of been pretending to be a woman all this time and so he'd kind of accidently had phone sex with him but it was nothing really and now he wanted to meet him vicariously through the only woman friend he could rely on. What was weird about that? Nothing, that's what. Confidence is key.

"You want me to go and be you?"

"No, I want you to be Roxy. The... The female me."

"The sex-line you. I mean, no offence, Thor, but I don't exactly sound like you, even with your voice pitched up."

"We have pretty much the same accent. It's close enough. Everyone sounds different when they're on the phone anyway."

It was a weak argument and he knew it.

"I'll say things that you wouldn't say. Or I'll not understand something he says or... It'll never work is my point."

"I've had some thoughts about that actually."

He had it all figured out. Sif had thick, dark hair. She could very easily wear a Bluetooth earpiece and not have it be obvious. Lay her phone on the table between them and Thor could hear everything and feed her lines in real time.

Sif's eyebrows had fixed themselves into an expression that saved her the trouble of vocalising her unease.

"What's your motivation for this, Thor?" she asked. "I mean... Why bother?"

Thor could feel himself blushing a little. Though he'd told her unexplicitly about explaining sex toy use to Loki, he had neglected to mention that he'd given real-time advice and his own response to it. Obviously. It sounded creepy if you knew that part.

"I like him," he said pathetically. "I enjoy talking to him. And he has a few issues that he needs a sympathetic ear for."

"So, what, you're trying to be a cool big brother/sister to him?"

Definitely moving through pink to red.

"I want to be his friend," he said firmly.

"Uh-huh. A friend. To this charming young man who you're teaching all about the joys of butt plugs..."

"It wasn't a..."

"Whatever."

Well, now he wasn't embarrassed. Now he was downright offended. She was insinuating that he was some kind of predator, for goodness sake!

"I can't believe you would think that of me."

"Oh, come on. I go and be Roxy and then my friend just happens to walk by and just happens to be a single man with a fetish for being needed..."

"I do not!"

"And suddenly this kid is swept off his feet and, what, floats off into the sunset with you? Or is this a one-night stand before Roxy suddenly goes quiet and you just hope he never figures out such a stupid scheme?"

Thor flopped onto his couch, leaving her with disapproving crossed arms, seeming far too grown up and sensible to be his best friend right now. Had they really gone to school together? How come she had it all figured out and he was still floundering?

"Look, the truth is that I like him. And maybe in other circumstances, if we had met like normal people, I would consider asking him out, but I'm not doing this for... for that. Not for romance or sex. I genuinely like him as a person and a friend. And if he wants to meet Roxy then I want him to meet Roxy."

She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"This is ridiculous. You're ridiculous. It's OK to want more than friendship. And you know you'd never ask him out. How could you meet him if you never go anywhere? I know you've been hurt before but..."

"It's not about... It's not about anything other than wanting to keep a friend as long as I can. Isn't effort the thing you always say I'm lacking?"

"This is certainly a lot of trouble to go to, can't fault you there. And yet every time I try to introduce you to a new friend or an eligible bachelor, you crawl so far into your shell that I worry you'll never come out again."

He didn't want to listen to this. Yes, alright, so he'd cancelled plans more times than he could count and of course those people were probably perfectly nice, but he just didn't have time for friends. This thing with Loki was perfect because it was all phone-based. He could be anywhere.

And maybe a little because he didn't have to talk about himself much at all. Loki didn't mind if the armor stayed up. He didn't really notice.

But if Sif refused to be that armor for him...

"Will you do it? Obviously I'll pay for dinner. In fact, I have a voucher for a meal for two at Acciacatura."

Ah, that piqued her interest a little. She did enjoy her food, especially in restaurants she wouldn't normally dream of trying to afford, so a free meal out would be a good bribe.

"And where would you be? You can't sit in the restaurant on the phone all night three tables away."

"I'd be at home."

"Oh, so you don't want to know what he looks like?"

Thor shrugged and hoped his face wasn't giving him away. Yes, he had been wondering. Just a little. But that was a dangerous road. Having a face to go with the voice and particularly the moans would be... Yeah, bad idea.

"You can tell me afterwards."

"You're talking like I've agreed."

Big eyes, hopeful smile, his most puppydog look. It had a good track record. Sif sighed, plucking bobbles from too many washes off her sleeve.

"I don't like this," she said. "It's weird. It's... borderline fraud. But then again, you are my oldest friend and you have demonstrated how much you need help making connections these days."

"Is that a yes?"

"It's a maybe. Until I can think of a suitable favor to extract from you in return. But it's certainly not a no."

That seemed about as good as he was going to get. And it was more than he deserved, frankly.

"You're a good woman, Sif," he said, getting up to pull her into a hug. "The best."

"I'm pretty much the only woman you know. Except your mom."

"Definitely in the top two."


	10. Chapter 10

Loki didn't call for a few days as classes restarted and his roommates returned, but his texts were pretty regular. Telling Thor... No, telling Roxy about weird things he'd seen or just whatever was on his mind.

_Just saw a woman on the bus take a grilled cheese out of her pocket. In one if those polystyrene boxes, but still. Not sure if horrified or impressed._

_January is the worst time to try to get fit. It's freezing. Who wants to go running?_

_I tried to go running. Everything hurts. I think my nose is trying to escape from my face._

_I've been eating salad for five days with dinner and I just read the bit of the packet that says it contains two servings. Two?! I thought I was doing well with the healthy eating and really I was just meant to replace everything with green._

_Watching a documentary about recovered stolen paintings. I think you'd like it. Don't know why. I feel like you'd like finding lost things and restoring them._

_So when are we going to meet? You're holding out of me, Rox._

He tried to reply with witty, off-hand comments, but that last one threw him each time. It wasn't like Loki was hounding him as such, he was just keen. They were friends, of a sort, and so he wanted to meet. That made sense, didn't it? And so he casually mentioned that he was going dancing with another female friend in case Roxy might want to go with them, or that he and his roommates were going to have a movie night. No pressure. 

But eventually, he was going to get suspicious. Or offended.

And it wasn't even a lie that Roxy couldn't make it, not really. Along with the whole not-really-existing thing, she and Thor were out on the road again, trekking north, south, west and slightly east and answering more calls than ever in the January blues.

"Ooh, yeah... Yeah, I'd like that. You'd give it to me nice and hard, yeah? Mmm... Oh, fuck, just thinking about it gets me so hot."

How could they get off, knowing the moaning they heard was fake? Actually, that was a stupid question. Most porn was fake, wasn't it? Didn't make a difference to fantasies.

Thinking of which, he was resolutely not thinking of Loki's very real moans when he took care of himself at night. No, sirree. Nope. It was unfair to do that because that had not been their agreement or their dynamic.

Of course, therefore maybe it was unfair to lie at all. Maybe it was unfair to be plotting sending Sif in his place to prolong having a friend.

It was definitely unfair that he essentially bullied her into it when he finally decided he could make excuses no longer.

He texted Loki to invite him out on Friday night, feeling rumblings of guilt when he responded so very positively, thrilled to finally be getting to meet. He then booked his table as an integral part of the plan. No point in hooking Sif into things if there was no meal available after all.

Oh, she was going to be so mad at him, but he called her up anyway.

"Busy on Friday night?"

"Don't think so, why?"

"Because I'm going to give you a free dinner?"

He winced as a horrible pause echoed in his ear, followed by an awful sigh.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Thor? Even for you, this is weird."

"What do you mean, even for me?"

"Oh, come on. I helped piece you back together after The Big Incident, remember? I was there when you decided you were better off alone. Maybe not consciously, but you did, at the grand old age of 21. It was when John went back to New Mexico, remember?"

Thor tried to stay calm. He needed this favor, he could survive some old ghosts. Even John. Fucking John. A few years older, his first real love. Not his first lover in the physical sense, but the guy who'd brought two years of what in his starry-eyed naivete he'd thought was long-haul, long-term... And then those words out of the blue.

_I'm going back home. I don't think this is working out. I've been talking to an old friend back there. We're going to make a go of it. I'm sorry, Thor. Ever since you dropped out of college, I don't understand you or what you're trying to do with your life._

It was pretty obvious what he meant. That Thor had no prospects and was stupid and had given up a huge opportunity and therefore didn't fit anymore. It was stupid of him to think he could. Better to stay by himself, deal with his own shit, not go pushing his problems onto other people. It had helped him grow, really.

Maybe his heart had been a little broken, but that was in the past. Ancient history.

"It's been two years. I'm over all that."

"You can be over something and still feel the sting of it."

"Even if I did, which I don't, I can't see how it would be relevant."

She sighed and though she didn't actually say the word "bullshit," she was clearly thinking it.

"I'm just saying, you haven't had anything more than the odd one-nighter since then. You got burned and you don't want it to happen again and so you're scared of relationships, I get it."

"Loki is a friend. I'm not... I'm not trying to keep him at arm's length because of my issues, I just... I'm in too deep. I can't reveal it now without ruining everything. Please, Sif."

He could hear the sound of her breathing as she thought it over.

"You're going to owe me so much for this," she said. "I'm going to find so much heavy lifting for you to do."

"Thank you. Feel free to dislocate my shoulders."

As if she hadn't just effectively done that to him emotionally.

He couldn't bear to be Roxy at all for the rest of the day, switching his phones off and driving in heavy silence.


	11. Chapter 11

Sif's hair hid the little headphone perfectly, as long as she didn't tuck it behind her ear. Which was a tricky habit to break since she normally had her hair up to keep it out of her way. She'd had it cut short when they were around twenty, but the cost of maintenance soon had her growing it out again.

They practised subtle phone calls when he was back in town on Thursday evening, tested the earpiece inside and outside Thor's apartment. No problems.

But she was clearly still nervous.

"What if he speaks too quietly for you to hear?" she asked.

"It's a busy restaurant, he'll speak loud enough. And if I can't hear something, I'll ask you to repeat it. We'll make it an eccentric tick."

"That you... That Roxy doesn't do over the phone?"

Ah. Fair point. He just had to hope his first instinct was correct.

"What if I see someone I know?"

"Well, he knows Roxy is a fake name. Your call on whether you want to pretend they're wrong or not."

"Oh, I'm pretending they're wrong, trust me..."

He hugged her tightly as she carefully put the earpiece in her purse and set off for home. She was doing him a huge favour after all. He owed her so much for this.

His phone had vibrated in his pocket a few minutes before she left, but he had carefully pretended to ignore it until he was alone.

Loki, of course. Who else?

_Really looking forward to meeting you finally! I will be wearing a green shirt. You?_

Thor felt a little stab of guilt again as he replied. His stomach was pretty much a continuous rolling boil of shame, but the spikes still hit him hard.

_Haven't decided yet. But I'm sure we'll find each other._

Oh, this was evil of him, wasn't it? Maybe Sif was right, maybe he was just so terrified of rejection that he was refusing to meet anyone new even in a friendly way. Even though it meant hideous loneliness, it was better than heartbreak. Wasn't it?

He was a grown man, for goodness sake, if he didn't want to meet people, he didn't have to. And no one should try to bully him into it.

Ugh...

And as he lay in bed, he got the most ridiculous idea in his head. That he could walk past the restaurant, pretend to be looking at the menu when really looking in at Sif and Loki. Maybe once he saw him in the flesh, he wouldn't be so worried. Maybe seeing him as a real, live person would break the spell, would take away some of the fear he'd built up.

It was risky though. If Sif saw him, he'd never get away with it.

Despite it being his day off, his equivalent of a Sunday, he was horribly nervous, cleaning his kitchen frantically like that could soothe him.

Normally when he was so tense, he'd try a little self-love to ease his nerves, but that seemed dangerous if he was going to have any chance of getting over that little mistake from a few weeks ago. And that was all it was. A momentary lapse in concentration and judgement that he would have to get over.

His nails were split from scrubbing by early evening, a not-good ache in his shoulders and he still felt on edge. Still wondered if he could get away with peeking in.

When he was a child, his mother always said he had no willpower. He could never resist another cookie or staying out after dark for a fun game. Little things, and seldom to the point of tantrums, but he enjoyed enjoying himself. It was something of a family joke, a little playful teasing. Never could deny himself dessert, never could ignore a jumpable puddle, or a less-travelled path, or a playground.

Of course, as an adult, he'd learned to deny himself little things. For fitness, for time, for economy.

But as he grabbed his coat and started heading for town, he couldn't help wishing he'd worked a little harder at learning to resist the call of curiosity.


	12. Chapter 12

He was standing just around the corner from Acciacatura when Sif called. Her phone would be connected to him for the rest of the night, as long as her battery didn't run out.

"Can you hear me?" he asked before immediately adding. "Sorry, dumb question. He said he'd be wearing a green shirt."

Somehow, he'd accidentally woken up in an extremely low budget spy drama.

"Order white wine if you can hear me, then I'll know."

Rattling, clunking... Faint talking he couldn't quite make out. And then a loud thump and Loki's voice became audible.

"..lly, nice. I wasn't expecting somewhere so fancy."

"Oh, well, it's a voucher I got for Christmas. Only the drinks are actually on the bill."

"Coming through loud and clear, Sif," Thor said, just as Loki said Roxy didn't look as he'd expected.

"What, I look too respectable?" Sif asked, teasing a little.

"No, no! I... I don't know. I thought you'd be blonde for some reason."

Sif positively cackled.

"Oh, well, you know, sometimes I am. The bleach isn't good for me though."

A quiet hubbub, the server coming to bring the menus.

"I will have a glass of the house white wine, please," Sif said. "But I'm afraid this one is a little too young for that yet. Legally, anyway."

Loki ordered a coke, laughing quietly.

"They think we're on a date. They think you're some kind of cougar."

"Excuse you, I am at least ten years too young for that."

Well, they seemed relaxed, getting on well so far, now would be the perfect time to walk past the front and take a quick look...

"Ask him if he's made any progress with his mom," Thor prompted, hoping to ensure that Sif was distracted. "They're trying to be more open with each other."

He listened to Loki's sigh, launching into a lengthy set of "I don't know"s, and started his slow, subtle walk to the other end of the street.

Careful, careful, don't attract attention.

He spotted Sif first, the back of her head, and carefully stepped sideways to see the young man in front of her.

His phone almost hit the pavement.

Oh, dear...

He'd known this was a terrible idea. He should have listened to himself.

Because Loki was beautiful. He had long black wavy hair, bright eyes, a nose that promised to freckle with even a glimpse of sunshine, sharp cheekbones, thin but pink lips, a sort of artful, casual disheveledness...

For a moment, Loki looked directly at him and Thor had to close his mouth from where it had dropped open and turn on his heel, hurrying away.

"Sorry," Loki's voice again, having paused mid-sentence. "I thought there was a man staring at me."

"Oh, really?" Sif said, sounding suspicious. "What kind of man?"

"Pretty hot, actually, at least what I could see. Broad-shouldered. Handsome."

Thor felt his stomach do a backflip and scolded himself. A glance in dim light did not a mutual attraction make, from either side.

"Is that your type, then?" Sif asked. "Broad, blond and handsome?"

"He never said blond!" Thor blurted.

"Erm... Not sure I really have a type. Alive and not a murderer, that's my type, I guess."

"Wow. High standards."

Loki laughed and Thor hoped he'd got away with it. And this was good. They were getting on well. Sif was doing well.

"Just let him talk," Thor said, hurrying home. "It's kind of our thing, he talks and Roxy listens."

"So, come on," Loki said, taking aim with a metaphorical spanner, though he didn't know it. "You never tell me anything about yourself. I mean, I don't even know your real name. All I know is that you have a brother. And parents. You know way more about me than... Well, basically anyone. You've got to give me something in return."

Thor turned into his own street, trying not to get out of breath by rushing too much.

"Say you prefer to be called Roxy," he said.

"I like Roxy," Sif said. "I picked it after all. But my real name is, uh... Thora."

What the hell, Sif?!

"That's a nice name," Loki said. "Suits you actually. But if you like Roxy better, then Roxy it is."

Sif gave him a potted history of Thor's life in the time it took him to get in and climb the stairs to his apartment. It was so strange to hear it from someone else. And so accurately too. She really did know him better than anyone else.

"And, well, I got my heart broken and dropped out of college - actually, the last one first, they weren't overly related events - and basically I became a little sea urchin, all closed in on myself and resigned to die alone. Completely swore off men, but somehow have up friends as well. And then my astonishingly intelligent bestie, who's stuck by me all this time, said I should try being a sex line operator just for human contact. She worries about me."

"She shouldn't," Thor said testily, flopping onto his couch. "I'm fine."

"And she has a point," Sif continued. "I mean, you're pretty much the first person I've met in years and I was barely able to summon the courage for that."

Ugh...

They did say the truth hurt. But maybe half-truths hurt more.


	13. Chapter 13

"I liked him," Sif announced over breakfast the next morning. "He's funny. And mature for his age."

Thor frowned at her over his coffee cup. She had had a wonderful time, it seemed. Two hours of talking and laughing and generally getting on like a house on fire. And, yes, he was glad about that, but at the same time, she had pushed the limit.

"Thora?" he asked. "Seriously?"

"Oh, what? I was hardly going to give him my name. Besides, you were the one who couldn't resist taking a little peek. Don't pretend you didn't. I could hear the traffic noise as you went home."

Grumpy frowning probably didn't have the same effect with such pink cheeks. Busted.

"So what did you think?" she asked.

"Of what?"

"Of Loki. I mean, you clearly like his personality. How'd you like his face?"

"It's irrelevant. Doesn't matter."

She giggled.

"Aw. You like him. You have a crush and you know it."

Yes, alright, Loki was attractive, in an obvious way, but it still was not in any way relevant to this conversation. It wasn't like he was going to act on it.

"So when are we going to stage the meeting?" Sif asked, like she could sense his train of thought.

Thor startled and almost knocked his coffee over.

"We're not. We're never doing that. Not ever. No."

"Why not? You like him, he's single, he thought you were hot given a passing glimpse..."

"For a start, I am not interested in a relationship. Also, what, you're Thora and I'm Thor and that's not a bit weird? The only way it would work would be to tell him the truth and we are not doing that. He'd run a mile."

"So... What's your plan? Just keep letting him call you? How long for?"

Thor sighed.

"I mean... We've only been talking for about a month. Maybe a month and a half. The semester's getting underway. He'll go back to school full time and back to his friends and meet someone and live happily ever after and only occasionally think of that phone sex girl who once helped him out and be blissfully unaware that said girl was not, in fact."

Sif gave him a look of intense pity. Drenched kitten levels of sympathy. Child dropping ice cream levels.

"Thor..."

He couldn't stand it. That was Sif's serious voice, the one that promised things like giving him a doctor's number or telling on him to his mother.

"What? You think I should tell the truth and ask him out and he'll say yes? Why would he? I wouldn't."

"I think you should honestly ask yourself why you're more willing to go to all these lengths than attempt to make a human connection."

He had no real answer to that. And he had to keep her sweet if she was going to agree to be Roxy again.

Perhaps blatant lying was a good idea? Or at least not really answering the question.

"I'm just not ready yet. I need to go slow."

"Lying to your would-be BFF is not going slow. It's going completely round the bend."

Fair point. But still.

He pulled a twenty out of his wallet, payment for her drinks the night before.

"Will you do it again?" he asked, cutting to the chase. "Obviously, I'll be paying."

She sighed at him, folding her arms.

"I did have fun. But my point still stands. You can't just do this forever."

Could and would, Sif. Could and would.

How hard could it be?


	14. Chapter 14

As he predicted, the proper start of the semester made Loki distinctly busier. He still texted and occasionally called during the day, but for the most part, all quiet.

Thor found himself relieved, but with a hint of sadness. Yes, he was relying on Loki moving on and drifting away, but still. And he didn't want to be the one calling. That would only prolong the agony.

He just had to face it. He'd had the friendship equivalent of a holiday fling. But without ever meeting in person. Some kind of... Anonymous fling. If that made sense.

Anyway, they'd always have Christmas, or something. He'd helped Loki come out, he'd helped him handle his first sex toy. He'd been a good friend and he'd be satisfied with that. He'd get over it.

Oh, this was stupid. Why would he have to get over a boy he'd been speaking to for just over a month? Stupid. Stupid.

And yet he still checked his phone every stop, laughing at Loki's little jokes, trying to send his own in reply.

"New girlfriend?"

Thor blinked at the depot guy. He'd brought the truck in for servicing as usual and hadn't noticed anyone watching him texting.

"Sorry?"

The man chuckled, flipping pages on his clipboard.

"Just you're normally all business. Here you are smiling away at your phone. I just assumed there was a new lady in your life."

Assumed a lot of things. And Thor couldn't be bothered correcting him on them.

"Just a friend."

Raised eyebrows and a pat on his back. What in the world was that about? Was he really so stoic normally that a smile was worthy of note?

On the other hand, Loki did make him laugh unlike anyone else. Sometimes he felt like he was coasting through life, laughing when he felt it was expected, hoping no one realised he was pretending half the time. He was never faking with Loki. There were no pressures, no expectations. Even Sif sometimes made him feel backed into a corner.

_Sorry I've been so busy recently. You in town? You want to get lunch Friday?_

Hmm. Did Roxy want to get lunch? Depended if Sif was free and willing, he supposed.

He at least offered to pay her. Which made it all seem more sleazy than it was, probably. Like he was soliciting her services. Or admitting that he was way beyond favor territory.

_Only because I like him and I want to make sure he won't be horribly psychologically scarred when you TELL HIM THE DAMN TRUTH._

Thor groaned and grumbled to himself. Alright, yes, she was morally and logically correct, but how exactly was she planning to prevent the inevitable? How could she possibly manage that?

Ugh... He hated being wrong. And not being able to convince himself otherwise was worse.

And here he was with a good hour to kill while his truck was checked over and refuelled before he'd be out on the road again. His dinner hour, supposedly. Not that he felt much like eating.

He called Loki instead. Maybe he'd get up the courage to tell him himself.

"Hello. Wow, you never call first. What's up?"

His voice was so pleasing in ways Thor couldn't really define. Someone who was genuinely happy to hear from him. Someone who expected nothing from him. It was nice.

"Oh, you know," he said. "Figured calling might be quicker than texting. Where and when were you thinking for Friday?"

He listened to Loki thinking aloud and tried not to dwell on how much it was going to hurt not hearing his voice at random moments of the day. And especially not on how sappy that was. They barely knew each other, for goodness sake!

"What do you think? Around one?"

"Yeah. Whereabouts, sorry?"

"Are you feeling OK? You sound weird. Croaky."

Thor felt his stomach hit the floor, scrabbling to check his modulator was still properly attached. Telling the truth would be one thing, accidentally being revealed by a technical issue would be another.

Of course, it might just be the fumes of hanging around in a truck depot...

"Yeah, I'm fine. Never better."

"OK. Well, I'll be coming out of the big chemistry building on campus at one, so if you can get there and wait for me?"

"Sounds good."

"And I can leave everyone wondering how I'm going for lunch with such a hot older woman."

Thor laughed and sincerely hoped guilt wasn't terminal.


	15. Chapter 15

"Can't believe I'm doing this for you again."

Neither could Thor, if he was honest. He really didn't deserve such a good friend. Late-January had brought him a trip in deluging rain that hammered on the truck cab, wipers going as fast as they possibly could.

"Are you getting rained on too?"

"Thankfully not or I'd be really angry. Alright, I've found the building, I think. Going into hearing only mode now."

"You have my undying love and gratitude."

There was a rustling sound and a snap and Thor realised he'd basically been put into a clutch or a purse. For a while, he couldn't tell what was weather and what was Sif moving. It was faintly fairytale, he thought. Like being put into a giantess's pocket.

This weather was ridiculous though. He should probably pull over, check for floods and standing water ahead, see if he was driving into or out of the storm.

There was a loud clunk as the phone was put on a table and Loki's voice drifted into his ears.

"I don't mind, but it's so time consuming."

"That's lab work for you," Sif said. "I imagine anyway."

"Mmm. I meant to ask what you studied before you... stopped."

"Tell him he can say dropped out," Thor said. "It's fine. And true."

"You mean before I dropped out," Sif said, and Thor smiled at how she managed to make it sound teasing and not vulnerable. "It was business studies, believe it or not."

"I know less than nothing about that. Do you mind me asking why it didn't work?"

Sif paused and Thor waited for her to respond, probably with some horrible truth that he knew but didn't want to face, flicking his heater to the windshield in the hope of getting rid of a little steam that was building up on it.

"That's a question I've asked myself a few times," Sif said slowly and Thor realised suddenly that he was supposed to give input and insight here.

He had time to gather his thoughts a little, two tuna melts and two coffees being delivered to their table.

"It's as he says," he said. "It just didn't work out. It wasn't right for me. Not much else to it."

He listened as Sif parroted him, Loki making sympathetic noises.

"Change the subject," Thor suggested. "Ask about his studies. Was he doing that group pipetting thing in lab today? Ask how it's going."

She dutifully did and Loki predictably set off on one of his more ascerbic rants. Though at first he'd found his assignment partners completely infuriating, it seemed he had subsequently begun to find them more tolerable as they found a common enemy in the lab technician.

"I'm all for safety," Loki said. "But there's due care and then there's power-mad Masters students looking to hook in underlings to clean their beakers for them."

Thor cautiously slowed as a car decided to overtake him at speed even in this weather. People were so reckless.

"He got on well with one of them though, right?" he asked. "Amora, I think he said."

"Yeah," Loki said, audibly chewing. "She's equally unfair to everyone, so that's OK. And she relaxes afterwards, hangs out with us in the chemistry society. Although, remember I said I thought she was dating that big guy with the eyes?"

"Heimdall," Thor prompted.

"Heimdall, right?" Sif said. "Is she not?"

"Not seriously if she is. She's hanging out with another guy mainly, Victor I think. Anyway, the point is, her sister told me that Heimdall is bisexual. Citation needed, but I may have been flirting just a little. Testing the waters. He is very handsome, if a bit quiet."

Thor's hands tightened on the wheel a bit. No, no, this was what he wanted. He wanted Loki to be happy. Maybe he could be happy with this Heimdall guy, with his apparently melt-worthy smile and deep, warming voice.

"Do you think he noticed?" Sif asked.

"I wasn't exactly subtle. Or skilled. And, yeah, he was rolling his eyes a bit, but he couldn't help smiling. I think he liked it. I don't know if anything will come of it, but I live in hope."

A pause. Sif was probably covering it with a long sip of latte, but she was waiting for Thor to say something.

"Wish him luck," Thor said, through a tight jaw. "Anyone would be lucky to have a boyfriend like him. So funny and smart and wicked but in a good way."

"Would you mind going on a thought experiment with me?" Sif asked.

"That sounds ominous," Loki said.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Thor asked, though he knew, of course he knew.

"Just... imagine for a second that you found out Amora wasn't who she said she was," she continued. "What would you think?"

"Sif, please stop. He doesn't need to know. It'll only hurt him."

"What?" he heard Loki say. "What, like, not really blonde or something?"

"Sure, but more than that. Like, maybe Amora wasn't really her name. But she had a good reason for lying. Would you be able to forgive that?"

"Sif, stop!"

"Are you trying to tell me you're in witness protection or something?"

"Sif, I swear to God, you need to stop going down this... Oh, fuck..."

In the end, the choice was taken away from him, and from Sif.

The car from before suddenly came into view after a corner, up ahead with its front completely buckled into another car. Head-on collision, completely covering the carriageway. And even with the brakes already screaming, Thor knew he couldn't stop in time.

Where were the people? Had they got out or were they trapped? Were they sheltering on the embankment or were they unconscious in the drivers' seats?

Split second decision. Hit the accident, potentially kill anyone still trapped inside. Aim for the bank, potentially kill anyone there, people he couldn't see.

Or, third option.

The steering wheel fought him as he jerked it to the left, his trailer swinging wildly round, spinning almost. He was screaming, he knew it, and yet part of him was almost calm, even as the whole world went sideways, the glass of his windscreen shattering and his head hitting something, probably the door.

Someone far away was calling his name, but somehow he couldn't remember how to answer them.

"Thor! Thor! Can you still hear me? Thor!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I severely doubt basically handbrake turning a truck would do anything except make everything worse, but it's my fic and I say miracle rules apply.


	16. Chapter 16

There were bright lights and everything hurt. Thor tried opening his eyes, but that was a terrible idea, no to that, ouch...

"Hello," a friendly female voice said somewhere to his right. "Glad you're awake. I'm Helen. Don't try to move too much. I'm afraid we had to sedate you for a while. Can you tell me your name?"

His tongue felt thick and heavy, like it had swollen up somehow. Like he was allergic to whatever was happening.

"Thor," he croaked. "Thor Odinson. I drive a truck..."

In a flash, it came rushing back, the accident, the attempt he'd made to prevent it being any worse. His eyes burst open, never mind the pain, wires and beeping machines all around.

"Are they alright?" he asked. "The people in the cars? Did I hit them?"

She seemed alarmed by his anxiety, trying to soothe him, worried about all the drips and medicines no doubt and, fuck, was this even covered on his insurance? Oh, God, his job...

"Your truck tipped over. You clipped the back of one of the other vehicles, but you didn't damage it. It wasn't your fault, OK?"

Other things were starting to come into focus. He was in a hospital gown. Someone had put him in it. So they'd taken his clothes off. Weird. Also his stomach was really, really sore...

"Did they have to give me surgery or something?"

"We were worried that you might have some internal bleeding, but you've been for scans and we think it's just bruising. I'm afraid you'll be here for observation for a couple more nights, probably. You've got suspected concussion, potential minor fractures, definite cracked ribs."

Right, right, kept here for observation... Wherever here was. He didn't even know where he'd crashed.

"Has someone called my family?" he asked, frowning at the little voice at the back of his mind, the faint idea that he'd forgotten something.

"Your emergency number card was in your wallet. They'll be here soon. And your girlfriend's been calling for updates. Tried all the hospitals in town before getting us."

Girlfriend? Well, that didn't make any sense at all...

Unless it did.

Maybe he'd hit his head harder than he thought.

They wouldn't let him sleep, not while they were still worried he might have concussion, and he wasn't allowed food either. Just a little cup of water and a straw, stuck in an extremely boring limbo. And tortured by his guilt when he suddenly remembered what he'd been doing at the moment of the incident.

Had that been Sif's voice calling to him? Oh, no... She'd be so scared. And she'd blame herself for distracting him.

He wasn't sure how long he lay there with only occasional temperature checks from the nurses to keep him company, worrying about drinking too much because where even was the bathroom? Would he be allowed to walk there or would they make him use a cup? That sounded horrendous.

Then suddenly a high-pitched whirlwind entered the ward, one that he eventually identified as his mother once she got close enough that he could decipher words.

"Sending you out in that thing in this weather?! Oh, when that call came, I thought I was having a nightmare..."

Thor tried his best to explain that it hadn't been the truck and only partially the weather and anyway, he shouldn't have been on the phone to Sif while he was driving, but that it definitely wasn't her fault...

"That poor girl was distraught, and your other friend too."

Oh, no. What a way for Loki to learn the truth. He should have just told him...

"It was all I could do to stop them driving out here themselves, even though I was closer and I don't have nearly as many responsibilities as they do."

Thor tried to sit up and felt a stab of pain.

"They're not coming, are they? I don't want any fuss. They shouldn't take time off work or anything."

"Don't worry. I talked her out of it. They'd only let family in here anyway even though she's the one who called your work to figure out roughly where you'd be. Found the hospital before they even called me."

Thor breathed a long sigh of relief and let her keep fussing over him, for all he'd just said he didn't need it.

Recovering from a near collision was one thing.

Being ready to face Loki was quite another.


	17. Chapter 17

They kept him in hospital far longer than Thor liked. He wasn't too badly hurt, he didn't have concussion, he'd be signed off work for a long four weeks after his discharge date at least and he just wanted to go home and feel sorry for himself.

And feel sorry for Loki. He realised now that finding out accidentally would be a million times worse than finding out by being told, and even if Sif rightfully explained that she had been trying to come clean at that very moment, why should he believe that? He'd been lied to from the start.

Regret was quite the bitter pill to swallow.

Even when he was finally free, his injuries mostly reduced to bruises and twinges, his mother wouldn't let him out of her sight, insisting on taking him home to recuperate in the family home for a few days.

At least his phone had finally been returned to him. A few missed calls from Sif on the day of the accident, a few texts asking if he was alright. Nothing from Loki at all. Which was fair enough, probably. He probably never wanted to hear from Roxy ever again. He'd probably blocked the number right away.

Sif had learned pretty early that even calling pretending to be his girlfriend - a charge she denied by the way, blaming it on hospital assumptions, but Thor was pretty sure she was lying - didn't speed up information. And even now he was discharged, she didn't seem keen to tell him what had happened on her end of the line.

"Not until you're home," she said. "I think it would be better in person."

Well, didn't that sound ominous?

So Thor was left bored and miserable for a few more days, watching daytime TV and being scolded for trying to help out around the house. He was not to exert himself. He was to submit to slowly letting his brain explode with the need to just do something.

It was strange to read the news report of his own accident. To see the picture of his truck in its side, the ambulances taking him and the other casualties away. One of them was still in a critical condition, he learned, the driver of the car coming in the opposite direction. Considering what an escape he had, he ought to be feeling pretty fortunate.

He almost wished he'd come off worse. It would probably serve him right.

His mother wanted him to quit his job. It wasn't safe, she said. He should find a nice office job, or go back to college, anything but going back on the road. He tried his best to humour her, researching other career paths, investigating the fall semester courses. The idea of going anywhere near campuses kind of put him off though.

He just wanted to go home and be left alone.

Chance would be a fine thing. Even once he'd managed to wince up to his apartment after a lift from his dad, frozen pizza and beer in hand, he had Sif announcing she was coming over and no amount of mumbling or warnings of no food would put her off.

In fact, when she arrived, he couldn't deny being glad to see her. Someone who knew the whole story, who wouldn't think his mood was caused by pain of a physical kind. She didn't bother with the "how are you"s or anything like that. She just put her own pack of beer in his fridge alongside all the expired food he hadn't thrown out yet and joined him on the couch.

"This is what we're doing, is it?" she asked, reaching for the bottle opener. "Drinking to numb the pain?"

"My ribs are nearly healed. They don't hurt anymore."

"That's not what I meant. You know what I meant."

He sighed heavily, something he'd been doing far too much of lately, like he was trying to expel all emotion via his lungs.

"It's dumb. I'm dumb. We never even met, not really. How can I be so cut up about it?"

"Well... Because you hadn't made any kind of connection like that in a long time. And because you know you've done him wrong by lying to him. I know you. You hate knowing people are upset because of you, even accidentally."

She was right. Just the idea that Loki was out there somewhere hating him made him feel ill.

"Have you been in contact with him?" she asked, running her thumb around the rim of her beer.

"No. I assumed from his silence that he'd prefer I didn't."

She laughed, but in a strangely sad way.

"Look, Thor... You lied. And that was terrible of you. But you were still his friend and confidant and help in some dark times. Maybe he won't forgive you, but I think you owe it to yourself - and him - to make the first move and apologize. Maybe that's what he's waiting for."

Yes, that would be the sensible thing. He shifted, uncomfortable, fading bruises stinging in sympathy.

"How did he react? When it... happened?"

"Well, it certainly didn't help that I freaked the fuck out and started yelling in the café. I think he thought I was having a breakdown. And then... Shock, I suppose. I had to tell him. I had to."

Thor nodded. She'd had to regardless. The lie was out of control.

"And he said he'd come with me to the hospital but then he changed his mind and it turned out we couldn't go anyway. He was in a spin. We both were. And he listened to me promising that we were going to tell, we were..."

"Did he believe you?"

"I don't know. I showed him pictures. And pretty soon after that, he left. I think... I really think you should contact him again. For closure if nothing else."

It was the right thing to do, but Thor's stomach stubbornly tied itself in knots.

"He'll hate me," he said miserably, resting his head on Sif's shoulder and getting soothing pats.

"Maybe," she admitted. "But wouldn't you rather know that than be left wondering?"

She left it at that, forcing him to change the subject and stop wallowing, talking about old times, his family, her family, colleagues and so on. Nothing of great importance.

After she'd left for home in a taxi, Thor took out his phone and stared at Loki's number, thumb hovering over the call button.

And decided to wait until the morning.


	18. Chapter 18

Breathe. Remain calm. Thor tried to force his hands not to shake, his coffee steaming gently on the table in front of him as he finally pressed the call button.

It rang and rang and he was sure he wasn't getting an answer, but then...

"Ugh..."

Well, he deserved a groan probably.

"Hi. It's... It's not Roxy. It's Thor."

Quiet. Shuffling. No talking.

"I just... I just wanted to apologise. I never meant for it to get as far as it did."

More stony silence and then a heavy sigh.

"Do you have any idea how early it is?" Loki croaked.

Thor glanced at his kitchen clock.

"Eight thirty?"

"I'd forgotten there even was an eight in the morning..."

Thor wasn't sure what to say, other than to repeat his apology.

"I didn't... I really didn't mean to trick you. I just wanted you to know. I'm sorry."

Loki laughed, but there was definitely bitterness with it.

"So let's just take a moment to list everything you're apologising for," he said. "You lied to me from the first moment we spoke. You then encouraged me to keep calling, presumably to lessen your own loneliness, which I've been assured is fairly extreme. You listened to private problems that I was having under false pretences. When I wanted to meet, you enlisted a friend in what was the dumbest plan I have ever heard to keep up the charade. Oh, and you listened to me masturbate. Have I missed anything?"

Well, maybe the fact that he had jerked off to that last one, but there was no benefit to be gained by informing him of that.

"I think that about covers it," he mumbled.

Loki huffed.

"So what exactly was your plan? I'm genuinely curious. How were you planning to tell me?"

"I thought you'd get bored of me before I had to."

He said it without thinking, without even running by such honesty in his own mind. The silence after he'd said it seemed to stretch out horribly.

Eventually Loki cleared his throat.

"Wow. Whoever broke your heart really did it thoroughly, didn't they?"

No, no, no, this was not the way it was supposed to go. Loki looked for advice and he gave it, not the other way around.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You were present at some of the most important moments of my life and heard most of my private thoughts and now you don't want to talk about it? I think you owe me this, Thor. If that even is your real name."

How had this happened? How was he so far on the back foot?

"There's nothing to tell. We broke up. It happens."

"Why did you break up?"

"We grew apart."

"Ooh, did he cheat on you? Did he give you some disease? Oh, my God, did he have a secret child?"

"It really wasn't very dramatic. I dropped out of college and he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore."

"Why?"

"Because I wasn't good enough for him, OK?" Thor snapped. "Is that what you wanted to hear?"

He realised he was shouting, his jaw clicking shut.

"Maybe," Loki said.

"What?"

"Maybe that is what I wanted to hear. The truth. Your feelings on it anyway. It's a start."

A start? What was that supposed to mean?

"You know, Sif - if that even is _her_ real name - showed me a picture of you," Loki said. "And she said you liked me. Is that true?"

Ugh, he didn't want to go into this.

"Yes," he sighed. "You're funny and smart. I wanted to... To be friends for as long as it would last."

Loki grunted, like he was stretching.

"Are you able to leave your house? I mean, after your accident and all?" he asked.

"Yes. Why?"

"Because I have to get ready for class but I'm very interested in continuing this conversation. And so I think you should buy me lunch."

Thor blinked at the wall. This was not at all how things were supposed to go.


	19. Chapter 19

Thor waited outside the chemistry building, feeling horribly out of place and awkward. He could just not go, he supposed. But he'd already been so underhand. He deserved this punishment.

His heart thumped in his chest with enough force that he might have bruised his ribs all over again by the time Loki appeared. It was strange seeing him emerge from a crowd. He'd always been distant, almost unreal. Seeing him in the flesh, coming closer, waving to his friends, it didn't make sense to part of Thor's brain.

And then they were face to face, Loki looking him up and down. It was like seeing an ex and trying to subtly check out how well they were doing.

"Right," Loki said. "Come on, then."

Thor didn't bother asking where they were going, just let himself be steered to a pretty fancy deli sandwich place, tall stools at a reclaimed wood bar-type table. Loki ordered and looked at him expectantly, prompting him to mumble that he'd have the same.

"So, let me tell you what I've decided is going to happen," Loki said, nibbling at the rocket from his side salad. "You lied to me, you misled me, and now I know the truth, I intend to have my revenge."

Thor stared at him, his rye bread roll untouched in front of him.

"How?" he asked, wondering if he was right to dread the answer.

"Don't look so scared! You might even like what I have in mind."

Where the hell was he going with this?

Loki made him wait, chewing deliberately slowly or so it seemed to Thor anyway. He finally bit into his own sandwich, just for something to do with his hands, tomato bursting across his tongue.

"I'm going to be honest," Loki said thoughtfully. "This is probably a terrible idea. But if I am satisfied with how things go, I think we could remain friends."

"How what goes?"

He really was nervous now. And Loki seemed to have no desire to put him at ease. Which was probably fair enough.

"You offered me really good advice when you were Roxy. I have to give you credit for that. You've helped me talk to my mom, helped me adjust to life here. But you helped me _adjust_ to something else too."

Thor had gone approximately the same shade as the beetroot on the edge of his plate.

"Did you like it?" Loki said. "Did you enjoy hearing it? And don't lie. We don't lie anymore, OK?"

Thor sighed.

"I didn't mean to," he said. "But I couldn't help it. It was just biological."

"Did you... You know. Relieve the pressure?"

Eyes closed. Easier that way.

"Yes," he whispered. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I had no right and I'm... I'm sorry."

"You know, I had a lot of fun that day," Loki said. "Such good advice you gave. I went too far maybe. It hurt the next morning, all pink and tender..."

Thor clenched his jaw. Think of something else, anything else. Antelopes. Herd of leaping antelopes. Frolicking in the savannah.

"Do you like the sound of that?" Loki asked. "Me all worn out, practically by your hand? No lying, remember."

"I... I don't know. I don't understand what you're trying to do. What you're trying to say."

"Alright. I'll cut to the chase. I am a horny guy living in a shared house with paper-thin walls. I have to either use the shower or wait until everyone is out to have good alone time without anyone hearing or interrupting. However, you live alone in an apartment accessible from campus... The perfect place to retreat and relieve stress."

Was he really asking what Thor thought he was asking for?

"You... You want me to let you use my house for... For that? When I'm not there?"

"And when you are there. I don't mind. In fact, if you were interested..."

This was a dream. This had to be a dream. There was no way he was being propositioned like this.

"If I was interested?"

Loki smiled sweetly at him.

"All my friends are dating all my other friends and it's messy. I don't have time for that kind of drama, especially at this stage of my life. But somehow I feel the urge to find intimacy all the same. I'd like to gain some experience, preferably with a good teacher, before I find a proper boyfriend."

"And when you say experience, you... You mean..."

"Well, you find me attractive, I find you attractive. I have a high libido. Think of all the things you could teach me..."

Thor was resolutely not thinking about all those things. This was blackmail, wasn't it? Or something close to it?

"You wanted to be friends," Loki said. "Why not friends with benefits? Nothing more than that?"

Thor was lost. This was uncharted territory. This didn't happen in real life. A very handsome young man was offering him sex with no strings attached and his body was very interested in that, but his brain was confused.

"I might have to think about this," he said. "I'm not sure..."

"You could," Loki conceded. "Or you could consider the fact that I have two hours before my next class. And that I've always wondered if someone else's hand feels the same..."

Oh, good God above.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Er... Plot twist?


	20. Chapter 20

How was this happening? Thor could feel his anxiety rising with every step as he led Loki back to his apartment. His mind flicked between ridiculous things, wondering if his place was clean enough, whether he'd put the dishes away, if there were dirty socks on his floor.

Did he actually want this? Friends with benefits? He'd heard of it, of course, but could he imagine it working? One night stands were one thing, but any more than once and feelings might start getting involved. From his side, at least.

And that was assuming he didn't already have some kind of vague, nebulous emotional bond...

They climbed the stairs steadily, side by side, Thor's hand shaking slightly as he put the key in the lock.

"This is... nice," Loki said, slipping his coat off.

Thor laughed almost reflexively.

"I thought we weren't lying to each other anymore."

"I'm not. It's nicer than my place, for sure. No stains, thick rug, lived in feeling. Where's the bedroom?"

Could he do this to himself?

"Wait," he said. "Now that we're... not in a public place, I think we should talk about this idea a bit more thoroughly."

Loki snorted, hands on hips.

"I struggle to believe you were her, you know. Roxy. You can get other people off all day but as soon as someone's actually offering something actually tangible, you want to talk it out?"

"That's different. That stuff's not real."

"Were our conversations real?"

"Yes, but..."

"Well, then."

Thor groaned as Loki began unbuttoning his shirt, reaching out to take hold of his wrists and make him stop.

"Please, listen. I don't want to do this until we're sure we definitely understand each other. Come sit with me."

Loki rolled his eyes and huffed but dropped his arms to his sides all the same.

"Fine. If it will make you feel better."

This was coercion, wasn't it? This was practically blackmail. He was being pressured by an 18-year-old into sexual acts. That shouldn't happen to a trucker. They were meant to be the stereotypical sexual predators, not the prey.

He made Loki sit down on his couch, his hands steepled as he tried to sort his head out and then tried to put that into words.

"I want to be friends with you," he began. "And I want to earn your forgiveness. And you're right, I do find you attractive. But if we do this, I don't want to lose our chats and our texts. I don't want to be... just someone you meet for sex. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Loki looked like a cat who had a mouse cornered and was just enjoying the anticipation of creeping ever closer.

"I think I can meet you halfway," he said airily. "You want the friends. I want the benefits. This arrangement should be mutually pleasing. I agree."

It wasn't enough. He needed something more.

"You have to promise me."

Loki scoffed.

"Do you want a contract or something?"

That was an idea he might consider, yes. Though it threatened to make everything even weirder than it already was.

"Why are you so nervous?" Loki asked. "You're not a virgin, are you?"

Thor scoffed in surprise.

 _"You're_ a virgin."

"I know, but I'm way younger than you. I only just moved out of my mom's house. I haven't had time for that stuff."

"I'm not a virgin."

"Then what's the problem?"

Honesty. They were being honest.

"I haven't... done anything with anyone I've actually known for a really long time. Like you say, things get messy. I'm worried this will too."

"How much messier can it get? You're not really a woman. You lied to me all that time. We can't go back to that, the dynamic has to change. So why shouldn't we both enjoy ourselves as we meet the real us?"

It was a fair point. Or maybe that was his subconscious mind talking. The part that could see clavicle peeking out from behind fabric and kind of wanted to lick it.

"Promise me you'll still talk to me?" he said, sounding needy and hating it.

Loki surprised him by slipping into his lap, straddling him and leaning close.

"I promise."

He moved even closer and Thor saw the slight edge of fear in his eyes, moving his head back before he could be kissed.

"Now you're scared," he said. "Why are you scared?"

Loki blinked at him, looking away.

"I guess... In case I'm not very good at it. But I want it. I want it so much."

Thor's invisible advisor hat seemed to flutter down from the ceiling, settling on his head as he reflexively reached out to cup Loki's cheek.

"You've got a little time. Let's use it. Let's go slowly."

Loki licked his lips and leant in again, this time with Thor coming up to meet him.

His lips were a little rough where the cold weather had chapped them, but so warm and soft. Mm. Not bad. 

He tried to go too far too soon, but Thor managed to slow him down with just a little positive reinforcement. Little moans were good. Slight grunts were not.

And when he finally let Loki try out tongues and experienced what he could only describe as a mouth invasion, he had to stop and pull back.

"Slow..." he said. "Slow down. Be gentle with me."

"OK. OK, but take your shirt off."

Oh, this was never going to end well.

His t-shirt ended up dropping off the back of the couch as Loki tangled his fingers in his hair.


	21. Chapter 21

They didn't make it to the bedroom. They didn't make it out of their pants.

Thor was not exactly accustomed to having his lap full of warm person, but his brain seemed to shut down for a few minutes as Loki traced his fingers gently over the yellow marks where his bruises were fading and thumbed his nipples curiously, grinding forward more out of instinct that anything else.

Sensing that - for all he was the one driving this - Loki was nervous, Thor decided to show some initiative.

He reached for Loki's jeans with one hand, flicking the button with some degree of difficulty and sliding the zipper down. His fingers brushed against what was distinctively hair, almost startling him.

"No underwear?"

"Confidence is sexy?" Loki tried.

Thor found himself laughing, trying to pretend this wasn't surreal as he reached in and drew out Loki's erection, getting a gasp for his trouble.

Loki's eyes were closed, his mouth open as Thor began to stroke, firm full pulls, gentle at first and then speeding up.

He almost felt that he was seeing this from far away, because this couldn't be him. He didn't do things like this.

A moan, Loki's hips rolling forward, trying to press into his fist. Thor stilled for a moment, letting him use his hand before taking charge again. His palm was a little slicked, the sensation of Loki leaking on him registering distantly in his brain as something that shouldn't be hot but for some reason was.

Loki yelped as he went faster and faster, arm starting to ache, the unfamiliar angle not helping.

"Oh, fuck..." Loki whined, head back, fingers digging in to Thor's shoulders. "Fuck, fuck, _fuck,_ gonna come..."

Thor felt he ought to say something dirty or encouraging or both, but his tongue refused to work as he watched Loki writhe and squeak and jerk as he spilled, collapsing forward onto Thor's shoulder, panting helplessly.

They were sticky. Thor cursed himself for not having tissues close at hand. And they'd probably stained their pants...

Loki hummed next to his ear, still a little breathless.

"OK, now you."

Thor's heart jumped into his mouth and he tried to stand, depositing Loki sprawling onto the other half of the couch.

"No, I don't think so," he said, rushing to get kitchen paper to wipe his stomach with.

"Why not?" Loki said. "I got mine. It's only fair."

"I... I'm just not ready for that, OK?"

Loki didn't exactly seem convinced, accepting the rough tissue and hissing as the cleaned up his sensitive skin and tucked himself away.

"I bet you jerk off the second I'm gone," he said. "I can see you're hard from here. Can I at least look at it?"

Thor's hands flew to his crotch protectively.

"No!"

"OK. Next time, then."

Next time? Should there even be a next time? Should he stop this immediately?

"I'll think about it."

"Mmm. Me too."

Yes, his brain had well and truly woken up now and was waving all kinds of red flags as Loki tucked in his shirt and began putting himself back together.

"I'll call you. Or text. Or both."

"Right," Thor said, heading for the door. He wanted to be alone. He had to think.

Loki put his bag down and pouted at him.

"What? No goodbye kiss?"

Thor blinked and stammered and shrugged and then Loki was right there beside him, trying to press him back against the wall. He'd clearly learned all he knew about passionate kisses from watching movies, but it was still heady and exciting, Thor's not quite fully softened cock wondering if it ought to rise to the occasion after all.

Loki looked him dead in the eyes afterwards.

"Thank you," he said. "This was fun. Even if I would have liked to be a little more hands on."

"Uh-huh."

Another brief kiss and Loki was gone.

Thor felt like a tornado had swept through his apartment, flopping down on the couch again once the door closed. Then he got up and put the chain across, finding his t-shirt too. Yes, clothes. Civilised and normal clothes.

Well, then. That had happened.

What the fuck was he meant to do now?


	22. Chapter 22

Thor finished clearing his fridge of everything that had gone past the point of ediblity while he was away and went to the store for proper, hearty, healing produce. He did the exercises he was supposed to do to make sure his ligaments were all still OK. He dusted and generally did everything he could think of to ensure he wasn't overthinking. Wasn't thinking at all.

He ought to tell Sif he'd followed her advice and contacted Loki, he supposed. But then she'd ask how it went and... How was he supposed to explain this? How was he supposed to say he was kind of being coerced into something, but that he kind of wanted it, maybe, he wasn't sure?

Clearly he needed to sort his head out first.

The sound of his phone vibrating might as well have been nails on a chalkboard for the way it made him shudder, not wanting to look, not wanting to see who it was.

A text from Loki. His hands shook.

_Man on this bus keeps flicking his lighter on and I'm terrified he's going to set the whole thing alight. Pray for me._

Just one of his little stories. One of his observations. A weird little thing he'd seen.

It was so normal, so how they used to be. Which was what Thor wanted, of course. But just acting like nothing had happened? Really?

That hadn't been a dream, had it? He hadn't dreamed all of this?

He pressed his fingers against his almost-gone bruises, proving that the accident was real. So that had definitely happened. Loki had definitely found out the truth.

Oh, this wasn't some kind of coma dream, was it? Could that even happen or was it a thing made up for TV?

He left Loki's text un-replied to for hours. What was he even supposed to say?

He couldn't even ask Sif for help. What would she say? This sort of thing would never happen to her. She was too sensible to let it.

And now his head was going round in circles...

He tried to think how she did. What would she say to him? One of two things, probably. That he should run far, far, far away from all of this. Or that he should renegotiate for a proper relationship.

What she would definitely shake her head at would be him even considering going along with Loki's idea. She knew him too well. His heart wasn't so much on his sleeve as suspended from his fingertips. That was why he avoided knowing people, knowing the people he slept with. Because they could crush his heart so easily.

He already liked Loki. How long before he started to feel something deeper? How long before Loki found someone else and left him? And where would that leave him? Heartbroken and bereft again?

And yet, the memory of Loki panting above him, the warmth of his skin, the smell of him... He didn't want to let that go. He didn't want to give up what might be.

What might be? For fuck's sake... Loki didn't want him. He was young and idealistic and he didn't want a relationship at all, let alone one with so much baggage. He was hardly going to fall in love.

Buzz, buzz, phone against table.

_I thought this was what you wanted._

Thor sighed and tried to word himself coherently.

_Just adjusting. I'm a slow old man, you know. It's a big step for me, but I'll get there._

Loki's response was almost instant.

_Then can I see you again tomorrow? We can even talk, if you like ;)_

Thor felt his stomach drop, and he wasn't sure if it was fear or excitement or both.

Maybe this would be good for him. Maybe he could learn to be casual? Learn to be less involved, learn to be less invested.

 _Sure,_ he wrote. _Why not? I'll be in all afternoon._

This was a terrible idea. And no amount of trying to tell himself it wasn't would change that.

His heart. His terrible decision.

Send.


	23. Chapter 23

Thor didn't sleep easy, oddly enough, taking hours to drop off and then sleeping late. Lucky he was still signed off work and without any other appointments, really.

He was nervous all day, like he was waiting for a first date or something. He could hardly bring himself to reply to Sif's usual questions about his wellbeing. But, of course, if he didn't, she'd be suspicious. Yeah, he was OK. Yeah, he'd contacted Loki. No, he didn't know how they were. Too early to say. Remains to be seen. Will send updates soon.

Definitely won't send updates.

He waited and waited for his buzzer to sound, only for Loki to call because of course he hadn't had to buzz the first time and didn't remember the number. Sometimes Thor's distraction even amazed himself.

"I brought you something," Loki said, half singing as he rummaged in his bag.

Thor accepted the piece of paper thrust into his hands, frowning lightly as he scanned the messy handwriting.

"A contract?" he spluttered as Loki hung up his coat like he lived there.

"Obviously. I thought it might be easier on you if we were both definitely on the same page."

Hmm... Yes, about that.

"Orgasms will be reciprocal?" he read.

"I'm not letting you hold out on me," Loki said, smiling wickedly. "You've seen mine, after all. It's only fair."

Thor flushed immediately, turning away.

"You want a coffee or something?"

"No, I want to try giving a blow job."

Thor nearly stumbled, but managed to stay steady on his feet and stable enough with his hands to take cups down from the shelf without dropping them.

"Well, I'm having one. And then I'm going to read the small print. One of us has to be the adult around here."

"Hey! I'm the one suggesting adult situations."

Thor poured two coffees, milk and sugar for Loki. It was what he ordered that lunchtime with Sif. A slow drink. They needed to slow down. An armchair was a start. Less risk of uninvited straddling this way.

Loki huffed and sighed and took his coffee and flopped down on the couch while Thor read. It was actually fairly benign. Weird but benign. It included notes for discussion and ensuring understanding and mutual support. There were few demands. It all seemed fairly watertight.

"Are you sure you study chemistry and not law?" Thor asked.

"I hope so or I'm going to fail," Loki said, blowing across the surface of his coffee to watch the swirling patterns. "But I trust it's to your satisfaction?"

"Mostly. But this section here... What's this about sex before talking?"

"That's for your benefit. If I'm all pent up and nervous, I won't be able to give our conversations my full attention and that's not fair. This way is better."

Was that fair enough? Or was he being tricked here?

Only one way to know, really.

"So, shall we?" Loki asked.

"Hmm?"

"Your cock. My mouth. I thought you could teach me how to deep throat."

Thor laughed, long and hard, harder than he had in far too long. Loki actually looked a little startled by it.

"What makes you think I know how?" he asked.

"Because... Well, you've been around."

"Loki, I've had... maybe six or seven blow jobs in my entire life. None of which featured deep throating. And I've certainly never... Well, I never have. Never even tried."

Loki looked at him like he'd just said he'd never eaten an orange or seen a rainbow.

"But... But I thought it was the best kind?"

Thor shrugged.

"In my experience, the best kind is the kind you have when both parties really want to be doing it."

Loki scoffed and slid off the couch, crawling close in a shameless but embarrassingly effective attempt at sexiness.

"What's the second best kind?" he asked, sliding his hands up Thor's legs.

"The kind that involves a bed."

He stood up and extended a hand to Loki, pulling him to his feet. He tried to ignore how weird it was to be holding hands as they crossed the hall to what was laughably called the master bedroom. The only bedroom...

Loki seemed a little unimpressed. It wasn't a room with a lot of character, Thor supposed. The rest of the apartment was homey, but this space was just for sleeping and storage really. And it was small. The bed used up almost all the space.

Still, Thor wasn't going to be put off. He'd agreed to this, hadn't he? Not via the contract, but generally speaking.

"In my experience," he said, pressing Loki's shoulders until he sat on the bed. "A lot of the appeal is getting to lie back while someone else does the work. Or getting to feel all caring by doing the work while your partner gets to relax."

Loki rolled his eyes. He wasn't here for romance or tenderness. Shame that was what Thor specialised in.

"What about frenzied sucking out the back of clubs? Kneeling on the ground, all dirty and sloppy?"

"This is better than risking broken glass in your knees. Now, come on, lay back."

Loki's eyes narrowed.

"No. If I do that, you'll get me off and then make me leave again. You lay back."

"Wouldn't it be easier if I showed you first?" Thor tried desperately. "Rather than just going for it?"

"I do have the internet, you know. I know what they look like."

Thor really wasn't sure about this. Weren't you meant to use protection even for this? Couldn't you get throat infections this way? He didn't even have condoms around the place. Obviously, Loki was probably clean if he'd never had experiences beyond kissing and Thor thought he was too, but maybe he ought to make an appointment at the clinic just in case?

Loki practically pounced on him, the pair of them tumbling onto the pillows, pouting down at him.

"Thor, please. Let me try. I'll make it good for you, I promise."

A promise he definitely couldn't guarantee.

"And afterwards, you can show me how it's really done."

He tried for a kiss, but Thor turned away. He wasn't going to lose this fight, not so early. He was the responsible one, his house, his rules...

"I swear," he said. "I will let you try it on me, but after I've done you. OK? Think of it as a practical demonstration. Otherwise, you can leave now."

His heart throbbed, hoping in spite of himself.

Loki sighed and pouted some more but finally gave in and let Thor begin shuffling down the bed.

Small victories.


	24. Chapter 24

Loki scrambled out of his t-shirt and dumped it on the floor, tilting his hips up to let Thor remove his skinny jeans with some degree of effort.

"Do you not own underwear?"

"It's sexy."

"Chafing isn't sexy, trust me."

Ignoring his panicked heartbeat - how long had it been since he tried to do this? - Thor knelt between Loki's spread thighs and looked at him for a moment. The carefully trimmed black hair, the way his erection curved upwards just a little, the dimpled marks on his skin where the seams of his jeans dug in a little.

"What?" Loki asked, face pink.

"Oh... Nothing. Just looking. Admiring."

"Huh..."

He sounded pleased, more so when Thor leant down and flicked his tongue against the head of his cock. The faintly familiar bitter, salty taste came flooding back to him, the strange sensation of licking skin. He quite liked it though and figured he could pull out all the stops. Show off everything he knew, even if that wasn't very much.

Maybe he was warming to this teaching idea more quickly than he expected.

He laid open mouthed kisses down the shaft, his hands running up and down Loki's thighs, which he realised were trembling just slightly.

"Ssh... Let me take care of you."

Loki sighed happily and squeaked when Thor finally took his cock into his mouth, sucking hard and then teasing, swirling his tongue, tracing patterns with the tip, playing really.

"Oh... Oh, fuck... That's nice, I like - Oh! Do that again."

Another hard suck, as requested, Loki's hips jerking beneath him.

"Look up at me?"

"Hmm?"

"Look at me. I want to see your eyes."

Well, OK. Thor peered upwards, partially through a curtain of hair, finding Loki propped on his elbows, smiling and panting.

"Fuck me, that's hot," he breathed. "You look so good like this."

Thank you? Thor hollowed how cheeks deliberately, enjoying how he could make Loki groan both from sensation and sight, stroking the base of his cock lazily with one hand.

"Can you fit it all in?"

"Mm-nh."

"Am I that big?"

Thor tried not to giggle. No, Loki wasn't _that_ big. He was fine. A normal, average size. About the same as Thor, probably. He just had no desire to test his gag reflex. He'd never found choking sexy.

So instead he decided to stop teasing and start going for it properly. That ought to stop any more awkward questions.

It was mostly in the hand, he figured, but the warmth and wetness of his mouth certainly helped, the suction creating a sense of tightness that drove Loki on, head thrashing against the pillow and toes curling in the socks they'd inexplicably left on.

It didn't take him long. Years of speedy jerking off and time being of the essence probably. And to be fair, he tried to warn Thor, but it came out more as babbling than words. And he wasn't going to pull off first anyway.

The main benefit of oral sex, as far as Thor was concerned anyway, was the lack of clean-up. Anything that avoided the need for tissues and, more importantly, laundry was a boon in his books.

All the same, Loki seemed to be surprised that he'd swallowed.

"Isn't it... you know, gross?" he asked.

"It's not my favorite taste in the world, but it's not that bad. Was everything else to your satisfaction?"

Loki swatted at him, humming and stretching, his softened cock still shiny, goosebumps on his thighs.

"Best I've ever had."

Thor laughed in spite of his growing nerves about what was coming next, pushing his hair back from his face.

"Well, you relax. I need a mouthful of juice or something."

"You're not getting out of this so easy," Loki called.

"Not trying to."

He figured it wouldn't hurt to pour Loki a glass too. He might need it.

Lounging all the way across Thor's bed, he looked like someone from another era, some poet's muse with his dark hair tumbling across the pillows. He smiled almost sleepily, but his eyes were bright and calculating.

"Is your mouth sweet enough to kiss me now?"

Thor took an extra swig of orange, put the tumblers down on his nightstand and let himself be pulled down onto the bed once more.

He wasn't all that aroused, unable to really get into it with his mind full of concern, but there wasn't much that could prevent his body from getting excited when acres of bare skin were exposed to him and warm lips were pressed to his own, even if Loki seemed to be determined to push him onto his back. Which was a little difficult considering Thor had quite a weight advantage.

Maybe he shuffled just a little to make it easier and then Loki was sitting on him, fussily undoing the buttons on his shirt and moving ever southwards.

"You need to stop worrying," he said. "About me. About accidently exploiting me. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't like you. You're hot. And you're nice."

"Even so," Thor mumbled. "You're young, you're... You're new to this."

"I'm going to suck you off now. Is that OK? Do you want me to pinky promise that I'll still talk to you afterwards?"

"Will you talk to me if I don't let you?"

Loki's fingers hovered over his button flies, pouting up at him.

"That's not fair. We had a deal."

No they didn't. Oh, he'd promised, but come on. Thor shrugged and Loki sighed, still popping the buttons.

"Alright, think of it this way," he said. "You are a nice man terrified of taking advantage. Think how lucky I am to have found you. Imagine what kind of creep I'd be with right now if I'd gone looking for someone online to do thus with? You're a gentleman and a gentle man and I know you will teach me how to feel good and be safe. Which are good life lessons."

That did make a lot of sense...

Did it? Or was that just his cock talking? It was certainly straining to escape from the confines of his boxers.

He was so going to Hell.

"OK," he said. "Go ahead."


	25. Chapter 25

Thor hadn't had many blow jobs in his time, but this one was probably the worst. It was a combination of things. The way Loki decided to start off proceeding by spitting on his dick was just the first of Thor's indications that Loki's idea of what was expected and hot were very different from his.

Then it was the way he tried to swallow immediately, coughing and choking right away, tears on his face.

"Whoa, there," Thor said. "Stop, stop... What are you doing?"

"This is how you do it."

"Is that what I did?"

"Well, no, but... There are many varied techniques."

"Uh-huh? I still think you should slow down. Be gentle. Tease first."

Loki set his jaw and clamped his lips around the head, sucking carefully.

"Yeah, like that. That's nice. And when you're ready, you can try bobbing your head just a little bit. Not too much."

Yes, that was better. Mmm... Disaster averted.

He yelped at a brush of teeth and nearly kicked Loki in the head.

"Ow!"

"What do you mean, ow? You bit me!"

"It was a nibble. It's meant to be nice."

"Please don't ever do that again."

And how his erection was drooping a little, his arousal well and truly dampened by pain and discomfort and Loki was frowning like he was trying to write with his non-dominant hand. He looked almost upset that it wasn't... coming naturally, as it were.

"You were doing really well up to that point," Thor said, trying to will his blood downwards. 

Stupid cock, offending the poor kid.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Just... Just don't try to take too much. Maybe half. And use your hand for the rest. It will be good, I swear. Just mind your teeth."

A little quick wrist work from Loki had him perked up again and the second attempt was much better. Gentler was better, finally letting him enjoy the warmth and intimacy of it, Loki's green eyes looking up at him questioningly, as if he didn't believe this could possibly be enjoyable.

Encouragement might be in order.

"That's good," Thor said. "Mmm. Yeah..."

"Hmm?"

"Keep moving your hand. Tighter... Ah!"

Oh, this was much better. He could relax now, could enjoy it. Loki was still tense about the shoulders, but he wasn't hurting himself now. He seemed comfortable, moving up and down with long, deep sucks, his hand twisting just a little every time he squeezed the base of Thor's cock.

He could feel it. He could feel it rising in him, just a little more...

"I'm gonna come."

Something like a happy snarl came out of Loki's throat and he doubled down, moving frantically as Thor tried fruitlessly to warn him.

He moaned as he spilled, trying to somehow hold it back.

Loki made an unhappy sound, his hand flying to his mouth as he stumbled backwards off the bed.

Thor winced as he spat into his little trash can, trying to scrub off his tongue and practically lunging for the proffered glass of juice.

"Sorry. I tried to warn you."

"I thought you said it wasn't gross!"

"Yeah, but... Well, I've done it before. I'm more used to it."

Loki gagged theatrically and drank the remains of Thor's juice too.

"You won't want to be doing that again for a while then?"

"Well... Up until then, I liked it. You made nice sounds and... The closeness is nice, you know? It's very tangible. That was my first time even touching someone else's cock."

He was looking down at it as he spoke and Thor felt a sudden rush of post-climax self-consciousness, hurriedly wriggling his way under the blankets.

Loki giggled at him, putting the glasses down.

"Alright," he said. "You're right. It's time for spooning and talking."

"We don't have to spoon," Thor mumbled as Loki slid into bed beside him.

"Please? I've always wanted to try being the little spoon and you're tall enough that you'll be able to without it being awkward."

They weren't that different in height, but Thor knew exactly what he was getting at. It was nice to be the cuddle-ee sometimes as well as the cuddle-er.

Loki practically purred as Thor slid close, looping one arm around his chest and leaving the other weirdly trapped between them. It was so strange to cuddle anything other than his blankets and even Thor had to admit that it was pretty nice.

"So what shall we talk about?" Loki asked. "We two friends. Bosom pals. Young men about town."

"I don't know. How was class today?"

"Uneventful. I'll need to read over my notes particularly thoroughly. Not much went in."

Yeah, Thor remembered that feeling.

"Make sure you do," he murmured. Sex tended to make him sleepy and snuggling up to warm body wasn't helping.

"You're not my dad. You aren't old enough for one thing."

"Thank God. If I was, that would make this even creepier."

"Well, yeah, if you were my dad, obviously."

"Gross. I meant if I was old enough to be and you know it."

He nodded off somewhere in the middle of Loki's one-person discussion of relative age gaps and their merits.


	26. Chapter 26

There was something warm and soft and distinctly alive under Thor's arm, so naturally he panicked.

Flailing was not the best way to exit a bed, especially when your napping partner was similarly being rudely awakened and freaking out as well.

"What?" Loki cried. "What is it?"

Thor sighed with relief as he started pulling his clothes back on.

"Forgot you were here. Sorry. You want dinner or something?"

"What time is it?"

He must have arrived at about half four. It was now gone six, so they must have been napping for at least an hour...

"Dinner sounds good. I'm a student, I'm not about to turn down free food."

Right. Right, cooking for guests. What did he even have in that there was enough of for more than one person? What wouldn't require much work?

He hurriedly chopped handfuls of vegetables, stabbed a couple of potatoes and threw them in the oven. He probably had fish in the freezer that he could grill super quick...

"I'm disappointed," Loki said behind him.

"Hmm?"

Thor made the mistake of turning round, spinning back immediately. Loki had found a t-shirt in one of his drawers and it was far too wide, the neck too loose and yet the length did nothing to hide his waist-down nudity.

"That you forgot I was here. Was it really so forgettable?"

Oh, that...

"Well, I never really have anyone here, let alone in my bed. The surprise came before the rememberance."

"What, you normally throw them out before breakfast?"

Thor hesitated and knew he'd been caught.

"No," he admitted. "I don't... I don't tend to bring people home. I only really... do stuff when I'm out on the road."

"With strangers in strange towns where no one knows where you are? Isn't that really dangerous?"

"I suppose. I try not to make a habit of it. Only really want it when I'm feeling particularly needy."

Loki looked at him pityingly. But there was no need. Sex really wasn't that important to him. Considering it seemed very important to Loki, he could understand. He'd had plenty friends at his age who wanted to experience as much as possible and enjoy themselves as much as possible in as short a time frame as possible. But he'd met John around that and John was enough for him and then when he was 21 and coming out of that relationship, there didn't seem much point in bothering.

The grill dinged at him, sending him scrambling for the freezer and the sole buried in it.

It maybe took him twenty minutes, twenty minutes where he was hyper-aware of Loki looking at his stuff, moving around his apartment.

"Is this your brother?"

"Yeah."

A pause.

"Is he really gay?"

"Er, no. Or at least I assume not. He's never mentioned it, if so."

"So that coming out story was..."

"Was mine. Yeah."

Loki chuckled and put the picture down.

"Thank God. Thought you'd made it up for a minute there."

"I wouldn't have. It's too important."

That seemed to be the right thing to say as Loki finally seemed to settle, slipping into one of Thor's chairs - and the faux leather had to be cold on his behind but he didn't seem to care - to wait for food.

Not that he was totally thrilled with what was on offer.

"What's this stuff?"

"Zucchini. It's good, trust me."

He didn't think a smaller bite could be taken by even the smallest bug.

"It's OK."

Awkward silence reigned. Thor didn't know what to say. Was Loki as uncomfortable as he was right now? God, this was awkward...

"So how did you lose your virginity?"

Thor's mouthful of fish almost hit the opposite wall.


	27. Chapter 27

"Sorry. I figured we probably knew each other well enough to talk about this sort of thing," Loki said as Thor desperately scooped water into his mouth straight from the faucet. "Since we've tasted each other's come, I didn't think much would be off-limits."

"It's... It's not. I just wasn't expecting it."

Loki waited politely for him to recover and then looked at him expectantly.

"I, er... Don't really know how to start."

"How old were you?"

"19."

Loki made a slightly surprised face, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"I thought you'd be younger than me somehow," he said.

"You never know. I might still be."

Loki scoffed.

"Be serious. I'll be popping both cherries in a matter of weeks."

"With... With me?"

"Who else?"

Thor felt a horrible sick feeling settle in his stomach.

"I don't think that's a good idea," he said. "I think... I think you should wait. Until you're with someone you love. I mean... Hands and... and mouths are one thing, but penetration, it's..."

"Oh, come on. It's nothing. Virginity is just a social construct anyway."

"A social construct that you want to know about in my case?"

Loki sighed.

"OK, fine, let me reword myself. When you had your first sexual experience with another person, how was it?"

"Ah, different question. I had my first sexual experience with someone else when I was 16."

That seemed to pique Loki's interest. It had been years since Thor had even thought about that day, but it all came rushing back.

"He was a friend from school. Football team-mates. I knew even then that I liked men so I had a bit of a reputation for being private, showering a bit away from the rest of them because the last thing I needed was to get overexcited. I used to practice thinking of unsexy things. It was weird. I don't even remember having a crush on any of them, I just couldn't help what my body did."

"And he caught you?"

"No. No, God no. I just overheard him after practice one night talking about how while jerking off was great, getting someone else to help was better. And we all laughed and asked what girl he'd found that out with. He was the kind of guy who treated women like another species, like an unfathomable riddle, so none of them would have touched him with a ten foot pole. And he said he'd done it with a friend from a different school. Another guy."

Loki raised his eyebrows.

"So he was gay too? Or bi. You got lucky, I'm pretty sure I was the only one at my school."

Thor chuckled.

"Honestly, I think he was just horny. The person attached to the hand didn't matter so much. But anyway, while all the others were laughing and making fun of him, our eyes met and I... I think he knew. But, of course, I was terrified. I thought he might spread it around. I'd only told Sif up to that point."

"So she's... You and her go way back?"

"Practically from birth. All the way through school. Moved to the same city for college - different colleges though. And, well, now she's got a diploma and I took a different path."

This was off topic. Wasn't he busy detailing one embarrassing episode of his life?

"Anyway, he invited me to go round to his place to 'study' one night. I almost didn't go. But I figured if he suspected, he could spread it around anyway. What did I have to lose? He had black-out blinds. We sat in the pitch darkness and did it, each thinking of someone else. He said that was the key, to pretend it was a girl's hand."

"Do you think he was lying?" Loki asked, prodding at a piece of bell pepper with his fork. "Do you think he was just saying he was thinking of girls to save face?"

Thor shrugged.

"Didn't really matter to me. It was exciting and strange and our little secret. Though maybe he invited everyone round at one time or another for all I know. But, yeah. I'm one of what I suspect is a very select number of people who had their first hand job before their first kiss."

It felt good to make Loki laugh so hard.


	28. Chapter 28

As proper evening drew in, even Thor's heating wasn't enough to protect bare legs and Loki had to concede to putting his pants on and eventually to going home. Thor got the distinct impression that he'd been hoping for round two of whatever had happened that afternoon.

"I'm busy this weekend," he said, evidently waiting for his goodbye kiss. "But I'll see you next week?"

"OK. But are you sure you're OK to get home? I can call a cab if you want."

"The buses are still running. I'm a big boy. I can look after myself."

Thor still felt a bit odd about it. A little over-protective maybe. He was so used to it being Sif, who always took a cab or drove, depending on whether or not they'd been drinking. Then again, her job paid fairly well. She could afford it.

"Text me when you get in," he insisted, even as Loki rolled his eyes.

That hadn't been so bad. Parts of it had been horrendous, sure, but it had gone reasonably well. They'd talked some. He'd made sure Loki had some actual vegetables in him.

Dishes seemed like a good idea for some reason, doing them now to save the morning, and Thor had just put his hands in the suds when his phone rang.

"You just left five minutes ago," he laughed, fingers still a little damp.

"Thor?"

"Mom!"

How had he missed that? It would clearly have come up on screen. This was about two steps away from hallucinating.

"Who did you think it was?" she asked, voice bright. "Did you have a guest?"

Resist the urge to groan. Resist the urge to groan...

"Yeah, I had a friend round. For dinner. Not _for_ dinner, but it was dinner time and so we ate. Nothing special. But he just left and I asked him to tell me when he got in."

Way to bury that, Thor. Now she'll never suspect!

"Well, I think it's wonderful that you're meeting new people. It's good for you. How did you meet?"

Er...

"Through Sif," he said, wincing horribly. It was only just barely not a complete lie. And she knew Sif was forever trying to set him up with people, she'd think that's what this was too...

"That's nice."

The good luck wishes were implied, if silent.

"Any reason for calling or just checking in?"

That was rude. He'd been brought up better than that. But still... He was rattled. He deserved a little leeway. Maybe.

"Your recovery time off work is up at the end of next week," she said. "Just wondered how you were. What you were thinking of doing."

Oh, this was a much worse subject. Couldn't they get back to discussing his tragic lovelife and lack of friends?

"Well, you know... They've been very good to me. They didn't need to give me this much leave. And I can't just walk out anyway, I'd need to give notice."

The disappointed beat of silence was worse than anything else he could have imagined.

"I understand," she said, still sounding upset about it. "But all the same, your father and I have emailed you with some vacancies we've found that we think you should take a look at."

"Thanks. I will," he lied.

"And maybe there's another role in the company that you could take up. You know. More managerial."

Safer, she meant. She wanted him nice and safe in an office, directing things rather than moving them.

"I will look into it," he said, actually meaning it.

To be fair, now that an incident had happened and she knew accidents weren't just a possibility but a very real threat, it was probably instinct that was driving her to try and protect him. Parental drive to protect her child. His dad was likely just the same, just hiding it better.

"Alright, sweetheart. Let us know how it goes. At work, I mean."

Uh-huh...

"Love you, Mom."

He'd kind of been pretending his return to work wasn't looming over him. Like it wasn't such a big deal. Maybe a change would be good for him.

And in the meantime, there was the question of Loki's visits. The kind he'd suggested right at the start, before this became anything. It would be handy to have someone dropping by regularly when he was out. Sif managed once a week, maybe twice, but if he let Loki use his place as a quiet masturbatory study den...

What a thing to be considering.

But it would be handy. He was forever worried that he'd be broken into. This would help allay those fears in the night.

And maybe a nice, quiet space where he could come and be alone might be good for him. Stress relief and study time. A little oasis of calm all to himself.

There would have to be ground rules, of course. No strangers in the house. No leaving messes for him to clean up, other than maybe the sheets. Loki could probably figure of the washing machine if they got too crusty.

But it could work. Couldn't it?


	29. Chapter 29

Thor hadn't had keys cut in years. Not since he'd first moved in and had a set cut for his parents and one for Sif in case of emergencies and a spare in the unlikely event that he had guests staying. It felt right to get a brand new set for Loki though.

He picked a green keyring, cheap, but somehow it made him smile to have noticed how many of Loki's accessories were the same color.

He wasn't going to try thinking about what the implications of being glad of thinking of a thoughtful gesture were.

Of course, there were other things he had to do. Visit Sif. Generally give off an air of being perfectly well adjusted and not at all engaging in a weird friends with benefits thing.

Though she was a wonderful confidant, Sif had never really got the hang of cooking. She claimed to be a believer in raw food to cover the fact that she never managed to wait long enough for things to be done before eating them. Lucky that Thor liked crunchy veggies.

"So..." she said, topping up Thor's wine for no real reason. It was already mostly full.

"So what?" he asked, suspicious.

"So, have you and Loki made peace yet?"

"Erm..."

She should tell her. He should clearly tell her. He should explain what was happening and get advice and then he could choose whether to follow it or not.

"I think so. We're texting again."

"Well, that's good."

That was a strange tone. He looked at her from beneath his eyebrows, getting a thoroughly innocent look in return.

"What's that face?" he asked, putting his fork down.

"What face? This is just my face."

"Uh-huh..."

She broke first, looking away, forcing her knife through a stem of broccoli.

"It's just... Well, you did like him, didn't you? Potentially as more than a friend?"

He let her stew, chewing deliberately, taking a sip of wine, drawing it out.

"Even if I did," he said deliberately. "And I'm not for a second saying that I do, so what? He's too young for me."

He wasn't expecting her to laugh. Not so loudly at least.

"Too young? Thor, you're 23. You're not 40."

"And he's 18."

"And? He's only a year younger that you were, way back when. Were you too young for feelings?"

Thor couldn't bear it. He couldn't play this game anymore.

"Sif, please don't."

"I'm just saying."

"What, you think getting my heart broken by someone younger won't hurt as much?"

"Why do you always jump to the worst possible outcome?"

"Because it's inevitable! You only saw him twice, you don't know how smart he is, how funny. He's like a whirlwind. I can't keep up with him. He'd get bored and leave me. It's better not to wait for that to happen. Just avoid it completely. He doesn't like me in the way you think and that's OK. We'll be good friends and nothing more than that."

She sighed heavily, putting her chin on her hand.

"I follow what you're saying," she said. "But you do need to figure out exactly what your argument is. And I won't insult you by continuing that thought."

She was the queen of changing the subject, even if Thor did leave for home a little earlier than he had planned. She had basically told him he was running his brain in circles.

And while that might be true, he didn't have to like hearing it.

Loki visited him on Wednesday afternoon and seemed more than surprised that Thor had written some rules of his own on the back of their unofficial contract. House rules for when he was in the apartment alone.

He seemed more amused than anything else.

"Are you worried that I'm going to have sex parties or something?"

"I wasn't, but also please don't do that."

Loki laughed, looping the new keys onto his own ones.

"Don't worry," he said. "I'm not planning on telling my friends. I like having a dirty secret. But I'll miss you being here."

"Really?"

"Certain parts of you anyway."

Thor made himself laugh, trying not to be too upset that he'd been right. Loki thought he was alright to have fun with, but that was all. Which was fine. He could handle it. But he wasn't boyfriend material and so he had to concentrate on nipping even the vaguest thought of that in the bud.

He'd known it was true.

And he'd get over it. In time.


	30. Chapter 30

"Mmm... Mm, fuck..."

Thor had found himself in a pleasantly empty headspace, concentrating solely on the taste of Loki's flesh and the feeling of him clenching around the two fingers he was gently pumping in and out of him, slicked carefully. No risks here. Only fun.

"So fucking thick... Mm, deeper. I want it deeper... Ah!"

In more lucid moments, Thor would probably worry about how hot he got being told what to do. Especially in moments like this, when Loki's fingers were knotted in the sheets and he was panting and beautiful and Thor knew it was because of what he was doing.

He wasn't paying much attention to the base of Loki's cock, focussing more on the head, the gently spreading saltiness that increased every time he rubbed his fingers over the firm bundle of nerves inside.

Speeding up a little had Loki gasping, his thighs trembling, hips jerking upwards.

"Nnngh! Oh, I'm edging, I'm edging..."

Thor wasn't quite sure what that meant, but it seemed to be good if the reaction was anything to do by.

He didn't really want it to be over, enjoying having such a single-minded task, but Loki's moans were getting higher and more desperate and he couldn't deny such obvious encouragement.

One deeper suck...

He couldn't even describe the noise that came out of Loki's mouth, a sort of sob and moan in one, chest heaving and reaching for Thor desperately.

Obediently, he crawled up and let Loki cling to him, his skin a little damp and eyes so wide.

"I've never come so hard before," he breathed, trying for kisses, but too unco-ordinated to manage it.

"You're welcome."

Loki giggled, warm and dizzy sounding, cuddling close and rubbing his thigh against the bulge in Thor's underwear once he'd recovered a little bit.

"Are you going to let me finger you in return?"

"Not today. Sorry."

Loki hummed gently, but didn't argue, just started easing his hand under the waistband of Thor's boxers.

"That's OK. I want to see your face this time anyway."

Thor let him. He closed his eyes and focussed on the feeling of Loki's fingers teasing him, gently stroking with just the tips and then taking a proper grip.

It felt strangely natural to just let go.

His breathing deepened, his head tipping back against the pillow, feeling the rhythm, rolling his hips gently.

He wasn't naturally very vocal, he knew, but he could hear Loki so near to him, his little sighs, his breathing speeding up again.

The kiss was a surprise, but a very welcome one. Thor leant up into it, striving for it, his heart racing, the somewhat awkward angle doing nothing to quell his want.

When he finally spilled over Loki's hand, he didn't want to open his eyes. He didn't want to break the spell. If his eyes were closed, he could pretend there was something more here, just for a little longer.

Loki was so close. So very close. Every eyelash in front of his eyes that were so green but had hazel mixed in there too... How was he just noticing that? Every stand of hair falling in front of his face. Every faded freckle.

"You're pretty when you come."

Well, that broke it. Thor laughed as Loki wiped off his hand on the sheets, sighing into his afterglow.

"What's edging?" he asked.

"What? Are you kidding me?"

"Nope. No idea."

Loki flopped down beside him properly, smiling as he flexed his hand a little.

"Edging is when you get to the _edge_ of coming, but then instead of rushing to the end, you just stay there letting it get more and more intense until you can hardly take it and feel like you're gonna burst. Having just experienced it, it's exactly as awesome as everyone says. But I'm guessing that's another thing you've never done?"

"Mm. At this stage, it might be easier for you to ask me about things and I'll confirm or deny."

"69-ing?"

"I'm aware of it, but I've never done it."

"Seriously?!"

Thor shrugged.

"My longest-term boyfriend didn't like doing oral. He was a handsy kind of guy. So I would go down on him, but he wouldn't do me."

"That hardly seems fair."

"Well... You know. It wasn't about fairness. I loved him and I enjoyed making him feel good. I always got mine, just not the same way. Anyway. Next?"

"Um... Spider gags?"

"No idea and not entirely sure I want to know."

"Bondage generally?"

"Never tried it."

"And... pro or against?"

"Not against, as such. I like to think I'm pretty open-minded. You thinking of tying me up or the other way round?"

Loki leant close to whisper in his ear.

"Why choose?"


	31. Chapter 31

Thor would have loved to be home all week with Loki probably cutting off his circulation with badly tied ropes, but alas, he had to go back to work.

It was strange, getting his bus, walking back into the depot. It had only been a month, but it felt like so much had happened since he'd last been there that it might as well have been a different lifetime.

He took all the back slaps and welcomes in the best humor he could. Everyone knew what had happened, of course. Everyone had heard, even if they then probably had to pause and remember exactly who he was. Which he didn't mind. Couldn't blame people for not remembering someone who didn't really socialize. Or talk.

Seeing the truck again, his truck, put him in a strange mood. On the one hand, this was practically home. It was where he sometimes slept and ate and was by himself and comfortable. But he'd almost died here.

The smell was all wrong. They'd deep cleaned it - probably to get rid of his blood, he realized with a start. There was a strange scent, a plastic smell. The new windows, maybe? They'd given him one of those hanging air-fresheners, red, shaped like a paw print, trying to cover it with artificial cinnamon, but it was still there.

Goodbye, old crumbs and stains of a thousand spilled coffees and embedded grease.

It almost didn't feel like his truck at all until he turned the key and heard the distinctive, raspy purr of the engine, the squeak of the handbrake as he eased forward and headed for the pick-up point.

"You're back," the older clipboard man said.

Thor found himself chuckling as he eased into park. One day he'd actually learn this guy's name.

"Rumors of my death, etc," he said. "You sound surprised."

"Know a few other survivors. Usually they don't want to get back in the driver's seat so soon. And you're a smart one. I've had you pegged for management for a long time."

"You sound like my mom."

"Maybe you should listen to her."

Thor was trying his best to be polite. Why did everyone think they knew what was best for him?

Despite that, the open road just didn't have the same lure as it once did. There was fear in him now, a strong vein of nervousness. Where previously he could shrug off seeing someone speeding or overtaking on a corner, shaking his head and sighing and muttering about idiots, now it put him on edge. He could see potential disaster at every turn.

By the time he pulled into his final motel stop, his nerves were shattered. He almost considered trying to find a bar, a small bourbon to take the edge off. But no. There was a teabag in the room that claimed to be camomile. That would do.

He'd promised his mother that his phone would stay off when he was driving - and his Roxy phone, when he finally had it returned had just had a recording from the sex line people telling him his account with them was suspended for lack of use - so he hadn't read any of that day's messages from Loki.

_Guess who's in your house?_

_Surprise, it's me._

_It's weird not having you here._

_Before you ask, yes, I am studying. Work first, fun later._

_How does your coffee machine work?_

_Nvrmnd, I got it. I brought you coffee, BTW. Gotta have my brand._

_Can I do laundry here? I go to a laundry place, but I don't trust the machines not to wreck my clothes. Will bring my own detergent etc. Totally cool if you'd rather I didn't. Will still wash your sheets before you get back to stop them smelling of me. And lube._

_PS I have ordered more lube to be delivered. They're super discreet, don't worry._

Thor smiled and rolled his eyes and texted back to say yes, he could do laundry. There wasn't a drier, but there were racks for hanging wet clothes on in the cupboard by the front door.

He wasn't commenting on lube or any such activities. Not if he wanted to actually leave the room and go looking for food.

His libido could wait, his stomach could not.


	32. Chapter 32

The second day out on the road was easier and the third even more so. By the time he'd made his drop off and picked up a returning cargo, Thor was almost used to it again.

And he was used to his daily text messages. It was getting harder to resist the lure of leaving his phone on, just so he could hear the beeps of new ones coming in, but he managed. It was nice to read a whole day at once somehow.

On the fifth day, there were only two messages. Thor frowned lightly. OK, so he couldn't expect Loki to always have a lot to say to him, but on the other hand this was their thing... At least he thought it was.

Only after he'd read them did he notice the little voicemail symbol. So maybe Loki had called him?

Ooh, maybe Loki had _called_ him. For sexy times. And he was strangely OK with that, even surprising himself.

He figured he might as well enjoy it, getting undressed, lying down in his motel bed and relaxing before pressing the button to play the message from...

Sif?

"Hi, Thor," she said, voice icy, making him wince at just those words. "Call me back when you get this."

Well, shit. No jerking off for him then. Karma, thou art harsh.

The line rang for all of about two seconds before she answered.

"Thor."

"Hello," he tried, his best kicked puppy voice.

She was having none of that.

"So I went to your apartment today," she said and he could almost hear the brittle smile. "And I made an extremely interesting discovery."

"Did you?"

"I did, Thor! I really did. Because a half-naked 18-year-old nearly killed me with a lamp."

Thor could see it now. Loki having personal time, hearing the door open, panicking because he knew when Thor was due back and reaching for the first weapon he could find.

"What did he tell you?"

"Oh, so you're not even going to deny that you two have hooked up and now you're letting him jerk off at your place when you're not around?"

"We haven't hooked up. It's... It's not as bad as you think."

She sighed, then let out a little huff, like she'd flopped onto a couch.

"I don't care what you two have been doing or haven't been doing with your penises. I care about the fact that you didn't warn me. You didn't warn either of us about this possibility."

"I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd understand. It's weird. We're not in a relationship, we're just..."

"Fucking?"

"No. No, I've been very clear about that. But... other stuff maybe. Less big stuff. It's weird, OK? I know it is. But I like him. I like having him around."

"You should have at least warned him that I sometimes drop by. I've never seen someone that pink before. It was literally like walking in on my cousin that one time, only with more narrowly averted blunt trauma. And I think he might not be talking to you now."

And that was his fault for not thinking ahead.

"So this relationship that you're not in," she began. "How's it not going?"

Even though he was sighing, he had kind of wanted to talk to her about it.

"Weird. He's so playful and fun and I feel like a crochety old man telling him to eat vegetables and study hard and get a good night's sleep. I'm less a friend, more a... Not quite father figure, but you know."

"Caring about someone's physical and mental wellbeing doesn't automatically mean you're a father figure. It just means you care about him."

"I guess. But it's all just fun from his point of view."

"How do you feel about that?"

Something about the tone made him bristle.

"You're not a psychologist, Siffy. But I'm broadly fine with it. Or I'm getting used to it at least."

"I'm glad of that, at least. You need more people in your life. And now I think you'd better call your toyboy and beg forgiveness. Tell him to put a sock on the door handle next time."

"He's _not_ my..."

"Bye, Thor."

She hung up on him, leaving him disgruntled and feeling all the more clearly why he hadn't wanted to tell her even the bare bones of the idea of seeing Loki. Everyone would jump to the same conclusion. He was a trucker, a man of the world, and Loki was a college student fresh from moving out of his mom's house.

Well, it was obvious what was going on, wasn't it? Where the pressure was coming from.

Ugh...

He almost didn't expect Loki to pick up but was definitely expecting the sullen voice that greeted him.

"Hi."

Sigh.

"I'm sorry about what happened today. I forgot that Sif sometimes drops by. I should have mentioned it."

"She didn't even know we were seeing each other."

Now that was far more of a shock. Thor blinked a few times, his reflection in the motel room mirror looking thoroughly confused back at him.

"Well, no. Seeing each other is like being boyfriends, isn't it? I thought I was your dirty little secret, just a bit of fun while you wait for something more significant."

It was hard to keep his voice light. Hard to keep out the traces of bitterness threatening to creep in.

"I mean, have you told anyone about me?" he asked.

"No," Loki admitted. "My friends would probably want to meet you or something. But still. I practically had my dildo up my ass when she arrived. I was so embarrassed. You owe me."

That seemed fair enough. Maybe.

"How can I make it up to you?"

"Well, luckily enough, my roommates happen to be out right now," Loki said, voice dropping low. "Use your imagination, Mr Ex-sex-line-operator."

He should really have seen that coming a mile off.


	33. Chapter 33

"What do you want me to talk about?" Thor asked, trying to tap back into that part of his psyche.

"You got lube with you?"

He did. An old sachet buried at the bottom of his washbag, a veteran of a night where overconfidence and neediness had led to batting out with every guy he'd dared to approach.

"Why?"

"Well, I figure describing fingering was something Roxy did a lot. Might make you feel more comfortable if it's something familiar."

Thor's breath caught in his throat. This was so different, talking to someone he knew. And these walls were thin - he could hear the television in the next room - and the sheets didn't look like they'd wash well...

"Hang on," he said, struggling to get decent with one hand and taking his washbag and room key. "Let me get in my truck."

Loki paused and then sounded confused.

"Do you have a fetish for it or something?"

"No. But, well, it's more private. So I can be a bit more... descriptive without being embarrassed. And I can put you on speaker and use both hands without anyone overhearing."

"Ooh..."

Even rushing, he took longer than was ideal to get into the cab and then get comfortable, the lube sachet under his thigh to warm it at least a little and his phone on the edge of the cot by his head.

"OK," he said, heart racing. "OK, I'm ready."

"Great. Stick those fingers in there."

"Uh-uh, not yet," Thor said, brave in the relative darkness. "I like to go slow. Even my own hands feel good against my nipples. I like to feel them get hard under my palms. Are yours sensitive?"

"Not sure."

"We should find out some time. I'm getting hard already. Twitching upwards. But I'll get to that later."

He put his index finger in his mouth, drawing it out with an audible pop before lowering it between his legs.

"What are you doing now?"

"Teasing myself. I like to rub on the outside first, press down almost onto my prostate. Mmm..."

"Have you ever been rimmed?"

"Um... Yeah. Once, unexpectedly."

"Did you like it?"

"It mostly made me feel weird. He was a bit weird generally, to be honest. Very, uh... Ass obsessed."

Loki giggled at him, sounding much, much happier now.

"You should tell me all about it some time. I want to hear all your stories."

Another time, Thor might even feel like telling them. But for now, he was reaching for his lube packet, trying to tear it open carefully, not spilling too much.

"Getting my fingers good and wet."

He could hear Loki's excited breathing, closing his eyes to imagine he was somehow in the cab, watching him. Maybe he'd always had a little bit of exhibitionism in him, driving him to be Roxy. A weird kind of semi-private exhibitionism.

Letting himself moan as his first finger slipped in, only to the second knuckle, going gentle with himself, he started to relax into it. He didn't do this kind of thing that often, usually too lazy and sleepy to bother with more than a quick jerk off.

"You all full?"

"Not yet. Just playing."

"Mmm..."

He let Loki's voice guide him. Urging him on to reach deeper, to push harder, his cock leaking gently against his stomach.

When he finally let himself press upwards, finally actively seeking to rush, his cry got an answering moan from Loki.

"You close?" he asked, breathless.

"Fuck..."

He took that as a yes. Hurriedly scooping up what was left of his slick, he wrapped a hand around his cock and started stroking, faster and faster, panting and straining.

They came within seconds of each other, the sound of Loki's choked off little cry pushing him over the edge, body humming afterwards, shuddering almost.

"Sorry. I didn't do much describing."

"Ha... Don't worry. I forgive you anyway. So, does Sif think we're dating now?"

Like a bucket of cold water being thrown over him, forcing him back to reality. Thor sat up, looking around in the dim light for his tissues.

"No," he said. "I set her straight."

"Oh. OK."

Mild panic leeched into Thor's heart. Communication! Be clearer.

"I told her that we're friends. Intimate friends. Friends with certain benefits."

"You mean you wanted her to know categorically that we're not fucking?"

He sounded almost hurt. Like he was offended.

Like he thought Thor didn't find him attractive.

"I guess. I didn't want her thinking I was taking advantage of you."

A little sigh. More like Loki was resigned than actually satisfied with that answer.

"When are you going to be back?" he asked.

"Assuming no delays, Monday afternoon."

"OK. Well, I'll see you then."

"Yeah. Um. This was fun."

"Yep. Bye, Thor."

It had been fun. So why did he feel like instead of making up they'd had a completely different fight?


	34. Chapter 34

They ought to talk. He could feel that they needed to talk, openly and honestly. They needed to make sure they were completely on the same page, make sure they definitely knew what was happening. Where was the fun line drawn? Where were the limits?

After all, Thor knew where his were and he'd made that clear and if Loki thought a little sullen pouting was going to get him some, he had another think coming.

He just didn't want to be a regret. He knew Loki's views on virginity, admired them even, but disregarding a social construct didn't make that social pressure magically disappear. He didn't want to just be a box ticked and he sure as hell didn't want to think of Loki in years to come, lying close to the man he might marry or whatever, trading secrets and having to say he lost his virginity with some trucker who was old enough to know better.

It sounded bad even thinking of it.

And yet he couldn't figure out how to put his thoughts into words. Not sensible ones, not ones that Loki wouldn't immediately pick apart like a kitten attacking knotted string. He tried writing them in texts, on paper... It just didn't come out right. And Loki had clearly interpreted his strong objection as not wanting to have sex with him because of who he was or how he looked or something.

It wasn't that at all. Thor found him very beguiling, very interesting, very attractive, all of that. It wasn't him, it was Thor.

How to make that not sound like bullshit?

How to bring it up at all?

At least Loki's texts increased in number and cheerfulness as his return date drew closer, no doubt looking forward to a few days when Thor would be home and therefore experiments could be done.

He certainly wasn't trying to be subtle about it.

_I have a surprise for you. Text me what time you're gonna be here. I wanna be ready for you ;)_

What did that mean?

He was fairly certain that Loki wouldn't overstep the mark without asking. He wasn't going to tie Thor down and just climb aboard. Being desired was very important to him, he would want to flirt and entice and eventually break him.

This was a battle of wills.

And years of resisting both his mother's and Sif's attempts at making him meet new people had honed his stubbornness.

Of course, it was easy to think that but even easier to think of how easily Loki had talked him into their little arrangement. Mainly because he'd wanted it. He wanted Loki in his life and was willing to sacrifice his better judgement for that, but he also couldn't deny that he enjoyed being physical with Loki. He liked making him feel good, liked helping him learn. Even if most of the time it seemed to be Loki teaching him new things these days.

Maybe that was all he meant. Maybe he'd brought his toy along or something.

He was probably overthinking this.

At least his truck had started to smell more like it used to, though Thor was a little embarrassed to realize that one of the fundamental ingredients of said scent was apparently his own spunk. Mainly that, fast food, probably unwashed laundry. It might be a little gross, but at least it was his gross.

It had been a long trip, or it seemed so anyway, even if it was a gentle reintroduction really, and Thor found himself yawning away on the bus, plastic bag of clothes ready for the washer beside him, nearly empty backpack under his chair. He could really do with a nap.

Not that he got the chance.

Loki was sitting on his table when he came in, legs crossed, leaning back just so. He'd worn something like a dress shirt and unbuttoned it halfway. Very poised, very posed. Probably had been sitting waiting for twenty minutes at least.

"Welcome home."

Thor gave his sultry tone an awkward smile as he dumped his bag and hung up his jacket.

"Hey. Hold whatever thought you have till I get my laundry on, yeah?"

"Oh, I'll do it," Loki said, hopping down. "Regular cycle OK?"

There was no discussion to be had, it seemed, but Loki stood in front of him with his lips pressed together and practically vibrating with excitement.

"What?" Thor asked, laughing nervously.

Loki reached into his back pocket, pulling out one of those sleep masks you got free on planes.

"While I do that," he said slowly. "How about you get undressed, put this on, and wait for me on the bed?"

Ah. Blindfolds. A precursor to bondage presumably. Thor took it, a smile twitching at his lips almost involuntarily. This was the surprise, what he was so very excited about? It was almost cute.

He leant forward and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

"Hurry back."

"Oh, I think I'm going to take my time."

Thor chuckled and pushed open the bedroom door, the rustling of Loki untying the bag fading as he went to the kitchen.

Mask on the nightstand, shirt and jeans and everything else off, straighten the sheets a little. Loki wasn't the only one who could pose, right?

Well... Maybe after a couple of attempts, checking himself in the mirror, it didn't seem like such a good idea. Maybe just sitting and nudity would do.

He leant over to pick up the mask and something caught his eye. Something glinting under the bed. Weird...

Further exploration had his blood running cold.

Yep. That was a knife right there.

Why the fuck was there a knife under his bed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's almost certainly not what you think. Just putting that out there.


	35. Chapter 35

OK. Kitchen knife. Hidden under the bed, but still very easily accessible.

Well, there was probably a perfectly rational explanation for that. And it would probably present itself once his brain stopped automatically jumping to impending murder.

Wasn't there something called bloodplay? Shit, was Loki into that? Because each to their own among consenting adults and all but nope, nope, no, not happening...

"Are you ready?"

"Erm..."

Loki came in backwards, holding a tray, frowning as soon as he turned round. What the hell was on the tray?! Screwdrivers? Pliers? A whole array of possible torture implements flashed through Thor's mind.

"You're not wearing your blindfold," Loki said.

In answer, Thor held up the knife, feeling like his eyebrows were going to leap from his forehead if they got any higher.

Loki sighed, coming closer, putting his tray down on the end of the bed.

His tray holding two grapefruit.

"You weren't meant to find that," Loki said. "It's part of the surprise."

"Trust me, I am suitably surprised."

If anything, Loki seemed to be finding this funny. He was decidedly not attempting murder, yet anyway.

"I saw this thing online," he said. "A woman showing how to give a really good blow job with the help of a warmed grapfruit."

Thor blinked at him.

"But... But isn't it really acidic..."

"She says it doesn't hurt, but also she advised blindfolding your man so he doesn't get scared. But I needed to give them a quick blast in the microwave and it needs to be cut to the right size and I didn't want the knife rattling and worrying you, so... What did you think I was going to do?"

"I don't know. Stab me to death? Carve your name into my back?"

"Oh, come on, I'd have at least tried to handcuff you or something first. But anyway. Can I try? It won't hurt. Grapefruit juice doesn't burn your skin after all. And afterwards, you can do me."

Thor looked at the fruit uncertainly. He'd never done the whole food-in-the-bedroom before.

"Hang on," he said. "Let me get a couple of towels."

When he came back, Loki was shirtless and had neatly cut the top and bottom from one of the grapefruit.

"Let me look at your dick," he said. "I want to get this right."

Thor looked on, increasingly convinced this was a very strange dream, as Loki cut out the centre, leaving a sort of sleeve.

"OK," he said. "Now, you just sit on the edge here and relax."

Easier said than done. He couldn't help nut be nervous as Loki pushed his legs apart and knelt between them, stroking him to hardness and then sliding the fruit on like some kind of bizarre cock ring. The centre of it was still cold and Thor hissed at the strange sensation, juice running in little rivulets down his shaft, and then the heat of Loki's tongue as he licked them off.

"Oh, God..."

A squeeze, some motion and oh, fuck, that was so weird... Weirdly good. He was drenched, like his dick was under water, but the squeezing was like muscles clenching all around. Loki started jacking him off, to all intents and purposes, while sucking the head and greedily swallowing the juice and Thor was glad he wasn't blindfolded because the sight of Loki trying and failing to catch it all, letting some of it roll down his chin and even to his neck...

"Hmm?"

"Keep going. Fuck, don't stop, just like that. I like it."

Loki hummed, or maybe it was more of a chuckle, tightening his grip on the rind and squeezing tight, the strange friction of the almost depleted flesh making Thor gasp and pant, struggling to keep his eyes open.

"Fuck... Oh, fuck, you're gonna make me..."

He expected Loki to back away, to avoid the taste he'd hated so much, but he seemed to just brace himself and take it, swallowing hard.

And then immediately scooped up the grapefruit center to help get rid of any remaining bitterness."

"Efficient, huh?"

Thor ran his thumb over his lower lip, feeling the stickiness, desperate to kiss him and taste the sweetness from his mouth.

"Your turn," he said, his voice's husky edge surprising him. "And then shower."

"Together?"

"Maybe if you're good."

A few moments later and he was kissing grapefruit peel, sucking hard, every inch of Loki's cock engulfed. The blend of tastes was strange, very strange, and yet Thor found himself enjoying it.

Not least because Loki seemed close to overwhelmed so early and only grew more frantic and vocal, even if the only words he was getting out were along the lines of 'please' and 'fuck' and 'oh, oh, OH, oh, don't stop, feels so good...'

Crying out and almost bucking off the bed and begging for more until they were both flopped in exhaustion, soaked in grapefruit and panting against each other's lips counted as very good, Thor decided.

And his room had a pleasant citrus smell now. Success all round.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh, I caught a show called "50 Shocking Viral Moments" or something similar a couple of years ago and it featured this lady demonstrating the grapefruit technique on a toy. Clearly it made an impression (though as I recall, it's more the intense suction noises she makes than the grapefruit thing that make it memorable) though I cannot vouch for whether it actually feels good for the grapefruit-ee or whether it is in fact an elaborate art piece of some kind.


	36. Chapter 36

Loki clearly had ideas about what a sexy shower ought to be, but unfortunately for him, Thor really was exhausted. And the excitement of an unusual encounter was fairly quickly dampened by the reality of having to wash grapefruit pulp out of their pubic hair.

Even so, damp and shiny, Loki once again in one of Thor's t-shirts and an old pair of shorts as they curled up on the couch eating some of his ever present portions of frozen home-cooked stew, there was something disarmingly domestic about the whole scene.

"Are we OK?" Thor asked quietly, not daring to look at Loki's face.

"Why wouldn't we be?"

Breathe. Breathe.

"Just you seemed a bit upset with me the other night."

Loki was still for a moment, his hair like a shadow in the corner of Thor's eye, the bun he'd scraped it into like a chubby raven, a harbinger of his doom.

"It's fine. Don't worry about it."

"But..."

"Can I stay over? Didn't you tell me once that morning was wiser than evening?"

He might well have done. It was something his mother said to him. But he got the message. Leave it for now. Sleep on it. Talk tomorrow.

Made sense. Relaxing came hard, but they left some nonsense playing on the TV, so the silence wasn't too pronounced, and he was a little too tired for being tense.

Didn't stop him startling when Loki pulled his nearly dry hair loose and laid his head in his lap.

Be cool, Thor. Touching was probably OK. Was probably welcome. Was probably what he wanted.

He cautiously brought his hand to Loki's head, gently slipping his fingers into his tresses, massaging his scalp carefully. He felt the hum somewhere in his thighs. It was pleasant and quiet and Thor found himself almost dozing as his fingers moved automatically. Soothing and being soothed.

The realisation that Loki was asleep was somewhere between his breathing evening out and noticing that he was unconsciously drooling on him.

"Hey," he said gently, squeezing his shoulder. "Come on, sleepyhead."

Loki made a noise somewhere between a grunt and a sigh.

"Hey."

"No..."

It took a while, but eventually he managed to shuffle enough to get out from under Loki's torso and then tried to figure out what to do. Pick him up? But he was tall and, as Thor had learned from being sat on by him, surprisingly heavy despite his thin frame.

Bracing himself, he resorted to gentle shaking, trying not to laugh as Loki groaned like an angry puppy.

"Come on," Thor said, hauling him upright. "The bed is more comfortable, I promise."

With no small degree of grumbling, he managed to steer Loki into the bedroom and watched him spreadeagle himself across the mattress, shivering and mumbling complaints about cold sheets.

As soon as Thor eased his way in beside him, he found himself wrapped in long limbs, like an octopus had decided he was its best friend.

It was almost too easy to fall asleep, too tired to even worry about how quickly they'd moved from napping together to sleeping together. Or what Loki's roommates would think, since he hadn't come home. Maybe staying had been his plan all along.

Thor woke up a couple of times during the night, unused to sharing a bed, each time finding Loki all the more attractive in the vague streetlamp orange glow. His lips parted just a little, brows relaxed out of their usual sardonic quirks, hair curling across the pillow into messy waves.

Was watching him sleep creepy? It was probably creepy.

Somehow it didn't feel so bad when he finally opened his eyes in daylight and found Loki looking back at him.

"Morning."

Loki sighed and shuffled closer.

"Haven't slept that well in ages," he murmured. "You're so warm."

Thor slowly let his brain wake up, enjoying the peace and the comforting presence of Loki's arm across his chest.

"You want breakfast?" he asked. "Got class?"

"Not till two. So we can talk about... About what you were starting to say last night. And then you can make me waffles or something."

Well, at least he didn't seem to be anticipating an argument. That was something, at least, wasn't it?

Thor tried not to be nervous as Loki's breath tickled his neck.


	37. Chapter 37

"Even though we'd... you know, even though I'd apologized and you'd accepted, I still felt like you were... Like there was something else you were unhappy about."

They were facing each other now, but Loki wasn't meeting his gaze, fingers tapping slowly against the mattress.

"Well, you basically said you were embarrassed of me. That you didn't want your friend knowing about... about us being friends."

Thor blinked, horrified. Was that what he thought? Couldn't he see that anyone ought to feel so lucky and so proud to have such an interesting and insightful and wickedly funny boyfriend?

Not that they were boyfriends, of course.

"No," he protested. "Not at all. Or, well... OK, so I'm maybe a little embarrassed to admit that we're having friend sex, but that's not about you. I'm very tame, you know that. This is all new and unusual for me."

Still no eye-contact.

"It's new to me too. The reason I haven't mentioned you, even as a friend, is because I figured you wouldn't want anyone to know. You think I'm some dumb kid who doesn't really know what he's doing."

"I don't think that."

"But you still think you know what's best for me. You behave like because you're older, it's your job to be responsible and careful and to stop me when I push too hard. And that's fine, but I just wish... I wish you'd trust me some more. Didn't he trust you?"

"Who?"

"Your ex that you lost your virginity with when you were 19. Did he tell you that you didn't know what you were asking for or that you'd regret it?"

"That's different," Thor said, his harsh tone even surprising himself.

"How? Because you were a whole year older?"

"No, because I loved him. And he loved me. I can't bear the thought of you rushing into this and regretting it, I want to think of you choosing someone... special."

Loki sighed and rolled away, stretching.

"I get it," he said. "It's not me, it's you. And if that's your hard limit, I'm not going to be mad. Plenty of other fun things to do together, later."

He got up, leaving Thor to stare at the ceiling with a hollow feeling in his stomach that he eventually decided to fill, as suggested, with waffles.

The iron was pretty old, a Christmas present from Balder years ago, but it still worked. He mixed batter in silence, a cup of Loki's preferred coffee steaming gently on the counter top beside him. Like a little peace offering.

"Have you ever fooled around with chocolate sauce?" Loki asked behind him. "Or whipped cream?"

"Nope."

"Have you ever done anything that might be described as even vaguely kinky? Roxy notwithstanding."

Thor frowned as he spooned out a waffle's worth, enjoying the hiss from the heat as he thought back through the last couple of years of one-nighters, trying to think of anything memorable.

Never any bondage because these were strangers and he didn't fully trust them. No whips or anything like that. Barely much talking.

Well, there was that one time...

"I guess I technically had a threesome once."

Loki choked and spluttered to the point that Thor felt the need to go and rub his back, little hard nubs of his spine beneath his palm.

"OK, fuck breakfast, tell me that story."

Most important meal of the day. He could cook and talk at the same time.

"I mean, it wasn't really a threesome," he said, easing the first waffle out. "There were never three people on the bed. I was just coming out of that two-year relationship and I'd thrown my all into work, doing overtime, trying to build up a savings cushion since I was suddenly responsible for the rent on this place all by myself, but drinking in the evenings, probably more that I should have. Anyway, I'd picked a bar and I was into my third beer, so I wasn't really drunk or anything, and there were these two guys laughing and flirting and pretty obviously a couple and I guess I must have been staring with some intense longing because... Because that used to be me. And I missed it."

Two big waffles each was probably enough. He started rooting through the cupboards for whatever he could find. Ancient maple syrup, lemon juice, sugar...

"When they first came over, I thought they thought I had a problem with them. I was very apologetic, talking about how good they looked as a couple, how I wished them every happiness. And then the slightly smaller one of them smiled and said they were in town for his birthday and his boyfriend had promised that for his birthday he could... bring someone else to their bed, basically."

He could see how wide Loki's eyes were as he put down the plates and ferried his condiments across.

"That's some gift."

"Yeah, I thought so too. Especially as he didn't want to be the one... you know, with me. He wanted to watch. But I was tipsy enough that it seemed like a good idea."

He drizzled syrup carefully over his plate, watching it gather in the square indentations like strange amber pools. He hadn't thought about that night in so long.

"How was it?" Loki asked, food untouched.

"Really fucking weird. The boyfriend kind of... He didn't look like me, but we were both tall and blond and... Well, he wasn't quite as bulky as me, but all the same, it was kind of like he wanted to literally see his boyfriend fuck himself? I just wanted to be out of my head, so we got condoms in the bar bathroom and they invited me back to their hotel room. Didn't even really talk to them. No kissing. Or... Well, they kissed. They kissed a lot. And they looked good together, so I didn't mind. Helped me relax. Prepped myself, made sure he was actually wearing the condom, lay back and he... He very politely asked me if I wouldn't mind being on my hands and knees. So he could stand by the end of the bed. But I think really so he couldn't see my face. You should eat, they're getting cold."

Loki obediently took a bite, dry waffle, too enraptured to bother with toppings, it seemed.

"It wasn't bad sex," Thor said, diplomatically. "He was a very generous lover. But it was all about them. I was just a conduit for them. I could hear them talking, the birthday boy saying how sexy it was to see him like this, all powerful and flexing, how they should get a ceiling mirror for home, how his ass was only more hot when he was taking it, etc, etc. And to be fair, they asked if it was good for me, and in terms of just being mindlessly pounded for five minutes, yes, it was and I came all over the place and that was nice. But, well... When I left, they were draped all over each other and I was just... empty. I think it was months before I even considered sleeping with anyone else after that."

Loki still seemed shocked and Thor couldn't help but be a little surprised. After all, he was the one who knew all the words and weird techniques. Sleeping with someone once with someone else in the room was nothing, probably.

"Emotions are really important to you, huh?"

Thor shrugged.

"Aren't they important to everyone? To some extent or another."

Loki pursed his lips and didn't reply, just reached out and wiped a drop of syrup from the corner of Thor's mouth.

"I'm going to go to the library," he said. "And then I have class. But is it OK if I come back later?"

"Of course," Thor said. "Maybe I'll even have vacuumed by then."


	38. Chapter 38

He cleaned and went to the store and worked out a bit. All the stuff he usually did on his days off. Fresh veggies and slow meals, the kind of stuff he missed on the road. He'd make a big pot to feed himself and Loki and freeze the rest into perfect microwave-ready portions.

Loki had left a textbook behind, the big library sticker obscuring most of the cover, and Thor gave it a brief skim. He'd started to realise that since the accident, since Loki had learned his new identity, it had mostly been him telling stories about his past escapades. Loki didn't really tell him longer stories like he used to, just little daily observations. Maybe if he understood his studies a little more...

Nope, too advanced. Thor had given up chemistry in favor of physics at school, much more interested in building circuits and electricity and 'speed equals distance divided by time'. He had vague notions of valency and atomic numbers, but that was about all he could recall 

There was a periodic table at the back. The only one Thor ever remembered was Thorium, number 90, for obvious reasons. It was radioactive. He didn't know what it was used for.

Maybe telling Loki about the almost threesome had been a mistake. He was giving a false account of his sex life. After all, in the last two years of being single, he'd slept with, what? Eight people maybe? Ten?

He'd had this discussion with Sif once, him saying he was really quite chaste all things considered. Her total number at that point was four.

"Yeah, but," he'd said, maybe a little drunker than he generally got. "But you're a girl. It's different."

The look she gave him could have pierced holes in the side of a ship.

"And how exactly is it different?"

"Because... Because it's more dangerous for you to go off with strange men. And I go through towns and am never back there. It's not like I'm going to awkwardly bump into them again. Besides, you probably have more sex than me, just with fewer people."

That made sense, didn't it? She'd had two boyfriends that Thor thought of as 'proper' boyfriends, as in around for more than a few months before it didn't work out.

"Dick on tap, Sif!" he'd insisted.

She'd giggled, a sure sign that she was really too tipsy to be cross with him for being so presumptive and self-pitying.

Wasn't there something about people in sexual relationships masturbating more than those who weren't? Being used to satisfaction being, er, close at hand, as it were.

Still, back to the present, he was a little worried that Loki might have some kind of image of him as a roaming romancer, picking men up for brief but passionate sex. Whereas in reality, he more stumbled into occasional encounters that couldn't really be described as anything more than hook ups.

And, of course, he was far more likely to have brief hand jobs than actual sex. Less risky. Less time needed.

The height of romance, that was.

Once his jobs were done, Thor found himself just waiting around. He scolded himself. Was this his life now? Waiting for his teenage friend to come back? He ought to go outside at least. Enjoy the air. Go to the park. See the little spring flowers starting to sprout.

It was nice enough, a little colder than he had expected, but that was alright. It was good for him. Paying attention to every little thing so as to stop his mind whirling too much.

Standing by the pond, he watched the season's first tiny ducklings in their little group, cheeping loudly, parents of young toddlers pointing them out and then having to restrain their desire to rush into the water to join them.

Must be nice, having so few worries.

Don't grow up, kids. You just find out about all the big scary things in the world and all the little scary things and the stuff that ultimately doesn't matter but still crushes your heart in a vice and then suddenly you're a grown-up and you can't even sort out your feelings enough to convince yourself that you know what's going on.

Stay young. Love ducklings.

A walk was supposed to help, and it had, he supposed, but only in that it had helped solidify his conclusion that he didn't really know what he wanted with Loki.

He'd really liked just hanging out together, being comfortable around each other, that kind of intimate feeling reserved for the closest of friends or for actual partners. And he'd liked sleeping together. Just sleeping. He'd thought he'd never have that feeling again, waking up next to someone and having that gentle bloom of comfort and gladness just at seeing their face.

He was lying to himself, wasn't he?

The realization snuck up on him like a patch of ice on an otherwise clear road.

These were feelings. Squishy, mushy, fuzzy feelings. Not love, maybe not quite that far, but definitely a strong fondness that could develop perhaps. If he let it.

The shame of realizing the truth burned bright in his chest. How had he let this happen? He knew it was just fun and nothing more. It was just fingering and blow jobs and grapefruit, all physical. He couldn't let feelings get tangled up in it. He couldn't let himself start trying to make it more meaningful. It was what it was and that was that.

Kissing was just rubbing mouths together when it came down to it. It was just Loki practicing for when he wanted to kiss someone with more behind it.

It was nothing. They were nothing but friends.

And if he was going to get upset about it, he'd better hurry up, get home and be done by the time Loki got back.

Except, as his phone chimed to inform him, there was no need. He could spend the whole evening being miserable about it, if he so chose.

_Change of plan, sorry. A guy who knows my friend Victor asked me out and we're going for dinner tonight :O I'll call you and tell you all about it after. Excited! Sorry again, but it's the only night we can both do this week._

He'd known this would happen. He'd always known. Maybe not quite so soon... But maybe that was a good thing. Maybe now he wouldn't ruin everything by letting his feelings get all over the place.

 _Good luck,_ he texted back. _Hope it goes really well._

Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could even make that true.


	39. Chapter 39

He burned his wrist being clumsy with dinner, cursing and slamming the heat off as he held it under the cold tap, tears in his eyes. For goodness sake... Why was he being so pathetic now? He'd known this was going to happen sooner or later. He had no right to be pissed about it. Or upset.

He wanted to call Sif, but even though she wouldn't say "I told you so" in such exact words, it would be implied. And he couldn't call home because they'd hear it in his voice, that something was wrong. They said a problem shared was a problem halved but how were you even supposed to half this? It would be like splitting the atom - too much fallout.

Loki texted him a photo of his outfit, black skinny jeans as usual, green tank top, black blazer. He looked good. He looked hot, his hair tied back and his skin so smooth.

All Thor could bring himself to text back was a thumbs up.

Don't think about it. Don't imagine him lit by candles, sipping sparkling water, laughing and flirting with someone else.

Don't think at all.

Movies, there was a plan. Something with no love story. Something loud and engaging and mindless to make his thoughts go elsewhere.

He made it most of the way through 'Die Hard' before John McClane's rekindling of his marriage started to grate. Alright for some.

It was easy to be ruggedly desirable when foiling a gang of international thieves. Trucking just didn't have such romance somehow.

Of course, if this date went well, Loki would have a boyfriend. And this... whatever it was between them would have to stop. Not many people would be too happy with their partner still fooling around with someone else, especially not surrounded by terms like "practice" and "experimenting."

They'd still text, probably, but he could already see it. Loki asking for advice on dates and romance and sex, and him giving it, all the while feeling his heart aching.

And maybe one day the texts would slow and finally stop and in time Thor would get over it. Eventually.

Part of him didn't want to, even though this was the proof he'd been waiting for, the confirmation that he could like again, could feel something strong. His heart had been broken, but not permanently. So this wouldn't be permanent either.

Frankly he needed to get over himself. Loki owed him nothing. He had made the extent of their... thing very clear. And of course he wanted Loki to be happy. Maybe he'd just met the love of his life. You never knew with these things. If you love someone - or like them strongly - let them be free. Don't tangle them up in your self-pitying bullshit.

He found himself waiting for the phonecall. Loki had said he would call. So now here he was, waiting for it, the time seeming to drag, minute after minute of Loki having fun with someone else and he would get to hear every detail about it and force himself to sound happy and excited and glad for him.

An experimental smile reflected in the dark screen looked distinctly more like a grimace.

Stupidly early, at around ten, Thor decided to go to bed. At least if he could sleep, he wouldn't be thinking and overthinking. When his phone rang, it would wake him up.

If his phone rang. Maybe Loki was having too much fun without him.

That was a cruel thought and he hated it immediately. So what? It was good for Loki to have fun. He was 18 years old, he was supposed to be having fun.

He lay in the dark for a while, moody and ridiculous before finding a video of rain sounds on YouTube to help him sleep. It was almost like being in his truck cab, warm and protected from a little storm outside.

Why did he ever even try meeting people? He should have stayed in his truck where he belonged.

He should never have given Loki Roxy's number. Should never have got Sif involved. Should never have agreed to the arrangement. It was always leading here and he was stupid to have even imagined that it wouldn't.

He wasn't good enough at controlling his feelings to be allowed around other people.

When he finally woke, hours later, it was to the sound of keys in the lock and the definite sound of sniffling. His heart swelled before his brain had even caught up.

_He's come back to me. He needs comfort and he's come to me. He trusts me. He needs me._

Taking his duvet with him, he shuffled to the doorway and there was Loki, wiping his face with the back of one hand as he tried to hang up his blazer with the other.

"Bad date?" Thor asked, his voice scratchy.

It seemed Loki could only nod as his eyes overflowed again.


	40. Chapter 40

Chest covered in sobbing Loki, Thor gently eased them both backwards until he could put him on the couch and flop the enormous blanket over him like a protective cocoon.

"I'm going to make you a hot chocolate," he said firmly. "And then if you want to, you can tell me all about it."

Loki managed to nod, scrubbing at his face like he could rub off the red blotches instead of making them worse. His hair had come down but still had the crease of the hair tie in it, a strong kink all the way round. Thor listened to his sniffs as he heated the milk and stirred in the powdered cocoa, really good stuff that he'd bought in the post-Valentine's sale a year ago.

"I'm sorry," Loki said as Thor pushed a mug into his hands - no marshmallows or whipped cream unfortunately. "I'm freaking out over nothing. This is so stupid."

"Don't worry about it."

He meant it too. Whatever had led to Loki showing up at his door crying in the middle of the night, he was glad he had. Better than going home to cry alone with no one to take care of him.

Loki flopped the other half of the blanket back, inviting him to sit beside him. After a moment's hesitation, Thor wrapped his arm around his shoulders and felt the tension begin to leave as Loki leant over onto him, letting him take some of his weight.

"It started off so well," he said bitterly. "He was being so nice to me. Insisted on paying for dinner because he has a part-time job and I don't and so he has more cash. And he seemed really interested in me and laughed at my jokes and flirted back even though I'm really bad at it. We went dancing. And maybe I was giving out the wrong signals or... I don't know, maybe I was flirting too hard but he... He..."

"He got the wrong idea?"

A big sniff. Nodding. Thor stroked his arm a little as he finished his hot chocolate, almost hugging the cup afterwards, evidently enjoying the warmth.

"He invited me back to his place and I just... I got scared. Having it suddenly real and imminent like that freaked me out, made me feel sick. Not ready, you know? Just... Just not ready. And I tried to hide it. I asked what for like it was all a joke and..."

More tears. Thor tried his best to be comforting, holding him firmly but not tightly, being careful not to make any noises that could be interpreted as patronizing. The worst was passing through his mind. Someone rough or violent, Loki being hurt...

"He said he wanted to take me home and fuck me senseless but I just kept thinking about what you said about waiting for someone special and I just... I didn't want to. Not with him, not so soon. We'd only spent a few hours together, we didn't know each other or anything. So I said so, that it was too early and I didn't want to and at first he just sighed and I thought that was that, I thought he accepted it. But then we got outside and he... He got really pissed and he said I was nothing but a cocktease and that he'd paid for dinner and I ought to know what that meant and he was trying to... I don't know if he'd have actually done anything, but I pushed him back and ran away. I got in a taxi and came here. I didn't know what else to do."

Thor was furious and keeping it out of his voice was difficult. Paying for dinner meaning something was owed? Who even thought like that? That was the kind of thing that showed up in after-school specials, not something that actually happened.

"Listen to me," he said, deliberately quiet and steady. "That guy is a Grade A asshole and you deserve so much better. Anyone who expects anything from you just because you went on a date or just because you were flirting isn't worth a single second of your time. OK?"

"He did pay for dinner..."

"No. Uh-uh. For a start, you said he insisted, so you were trying to pay your half. Being railroaded into letting him pay hardly counts as taking advantage of his wallet. But even so, buying dinner does not entitle anyone to sex. Unless both parties are consenting adults and agree on that beforehand."

Loki let out a nervous little laugh. And Thor was so glad to hear it, a sign of him relaxing a little. Even if afterwards they sat in silence, just the sound of their breathing filling the air.

"Can I stay here tonight?" Loki asked. "I know, it's pathetic. But I don't want to go home by myself."

"Of course you can. It's late, for one thing. We should get some sleep if you have class tomorrow."

Loki nodded vaguely and Thor let him wear the blanket like a long cape as they shuffled through to his bedroom.

"Thank you," Loki whispered into the darkness, his clothes scattered on the floor and wearing what was quickly becoming 'his' t-shirt once again. "You're too nice to me."

"You deserve niceness. Don't put up with anything less."

Loki sighed and snuggled close to him.

"I wish I could find someone like you. Someone kind and wise and funny who lets me be myself."

Thor's heart throbbed painfully. Should he say something? Should he explain how he felt? Or would doing that ruin everything?

"I think you deserve someone better than me."

_Coward._

Loki went a little tense beside him, his fingers clingy suddenly.

"I don't think I can imagine anyone better than you."

Thor knew his breathing had sped up, that Loki could probably feel his heartbeat through his chest.

"Loki, I..."

"No, I know. I know. I shouldn't say stuff like that. The last thing you need is some... some teenage crush when you've already helped me so much. You're my friend and I respect that. I need it. Forget I even said anything, OK?"

Was he saying what Thor thought he was saying? Or was it just his hope talking, hearing something that wasn't actually being said, misinterpreting wildly?

Morning was wiser than evening, but what if morning was too late?

"No, I... I like you. A lot. More than just like you maybe. And I don't know how you'll feel about that or what it means for us going forward or if it has to mean anything, certainly not if you don't want it to, but... Well, I... Yeah."

He practically held his breath waiting for Loki to reply. What would he say? How would he react? Should he not have said that?

Shuffling, a hand to his face, easing him round to face Loki's huge, gorgeous eyes in the mostly-dark.

A tentative lean forwards.

Well... He hadn't received a kiss that passionate in a good few years.


	41. Chapter 41

Whoa, there. Too fast. Too fast, too fast.

Not that Thor wasn't enjoying having Loki climbing up and straddling him, all limbs and skin and hands going everywhere. Just, well, too much too fast.

"Hey," he said, trying to turn his face away. "Hey, wait."

"What for?"

Well, fair point. Why should they? After all, they were fulfilling Thor's criteria of both being emotionally invested. Not quite the L-word. Or at least, not enough the L-word to stop calling it the L-word.

"I wondered when it was happening if I was ready or not and if that was the reason I couldn't even bear the thought," Loki said, gone a little inarticulate in his excitement. "But it's because he wasn't you. I want you. I want it to be you. With you."

Thor took a deep breath in the hope of calming them both down.

"We should do this properly," he said, slowly. "I want to spend a whole evening, a whole day, spoiling you rotten and then take you to bed, if that's what you want."

Loki was impatient. Even in the dark, that much was obvious. He rolled off Thor's chest, just about, but still with one leg firmly hooked around him.

"Isn't that the same as buying me dinner and then expecting something in return?"

Was it? Oh, God. Maybe it was.

"I... I mean, if we both know what we want, but there's no expectations if minds are changed then it's just having a nice time together and then maybe, if it feels right..."

"Relax, I was joking. If it makes you more comfortable, then sure. But when? Aren't you working all this week now? This was your weekend, right?"

"Yeah, but I doubt I'm going very far. Fairly local deliveries I think. Should be back by Friday night, getting into a more weekday-oriented pattern. I can work around your schedule."

Thinking, Loki gently stroked Thor's side, like he was exploring the swell of his ribs, letting his fingers run along the channels and plains.

"What exactly would spoiling me rotten entail?"

"What would you like?"

"Can we go out?" Loki asked immediately. "Like, on a date, a real date? So I can show you off?"

Thor laughed and aimed a kiss for his forehead, getting closer to his nose.

"More like the other way round. But of course we can."

He was practically already planning it.

Loki loved chemistry, so they could start the day with a lazy breakfast and then go to the science museum and he could explain all the exhibits with his hands doing that flapping thing that they did when he got excited, and then dinner somewhere intimate, or maybe even at home for extra privacy, and then cuddles on the couch and then not-cuddles not on the couch...

He could be romantic, if pushed. And maybe Loki would enjoy it, even if it was a little corny.

"Hey, Thor?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I... Are we boyfriends now?"

Suddenly Loki's youth and inexperience wasn't just something he had to worry about and remember and be aware of. It was also something charming and sweet and tied up in everything that was Loki, really.

"If you want to be."

"Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Makes it more... You know. Official."

"OK."

He was dozing, one hand gently, loosely linked with Loki's, when he realized he was being spoken to again.

"Hmm? Sorry?"

"I said, as my boyfriend, would you mind terribly going to my place in the morning and picking up some clean clothes? Just so I don't have to do the walk of shame in my fancy stuff. You understand."

Go to Loki's place? Alone? Where his roommates might be?

Well, rule number one of being in a relationship was supporting each other, wasn't it? Assisting with avoiding embarrassment probably counted on that scale. And this was a sign of trust. Being allowed to go into Loki's private space. Into the inner sanctum, as it were. Behind the curtain.

"Sure," he said, hoping they could comfortably drift off and actually get some rest.

Evidently Loki wasn't quite finished.

"You know, when he grabbed me outside the... Not a club, more like a restaurant with a dance floor in the basement, I had this stupid fantasy rush into my head that somehow you'd know where I was and appear out of nowhere and help me."

Thor's heart ached. He hadn't realized how strongly he felt. Hadn't realized how Loki felt either. He wouldn't have interfered, even if he'd known where they were going. That wasn't fair to do. You couldn't give people ultimatums like that. Had Loki somehow wanted him to? Hoped to make him jealous and been put in danger for it? Surely not.

"I think my brain was just jumping to the safest place it knows. Being with you."

The relief was probably palpably pouring off him. Thor rolled over and did his best to scoop Loki into a full, warm, secure embrace.

"I'll do my best to always make you feel safe," he murmured. "I promise. But sleep now. Otherwise I'll never be able to get up in time to get to your place and back before you have to leave."

"OK. I just worry that I'll wake up and find that I ran home and dreamed all this."

"Well, the sooner you sleep, the sooner you can prove yourself wrong."

"Hmm... Goodnight kiss?"

Of course, there was always time for that.


	42. Chapter 42

He tried to leave Loki sleeping when he woke up, earlier than he'd expected to, around eight in the morning. It wasn't hard to find his keys, but then there was the sudden problem of not actually knowing where Loki lived. It wasn't like he could just try all the student apartments.

Groaning as though in intense pain, Loki mumbled his building and room number in the almost-campus housing.

So familiar. Thor hadn't lived there, but he'd had friends who did. And somehow, his feet remembered the way. The back steps by the crumbling wall, the shortcut through the bushes, the gate that still didn't have its lock fixed.

He was still a bit nervous though, turning the outer key as quietly as possible, sneaking through the halls and up the staircase. Students would still be sleeping at this hour, right? That's what they did, they stayed up half the night and then slept half the day. No one would be awake. No one would see him...

35, 36, 37...

Deep breath.

The key took the kind of rattling that only generations of abuse by temporary residents could achieve.

And then...

Wow. What a _dump._

Thor knew his place wasn't exactly the cleanest on earth, but he could barely see the floor in here. The single bed had a space where Loki presumably slept, but stuff piled high on the end of it. Papers and books all over the desk and the chair, several cups and glasses with varying levels of liquid in them scattered all around, one neat and orderly shelf of books and DVDs and a picture of Loki with his mom and as for clothes...

How was he supposed to find anything clean? They were all over the floor, presumably in different states, dirty socks here, inside out t-shirt there, jeans, sweaters. There was a laundry basket, but it seemed decidedly underused.

Ah, closet. Surely in there...

Once he'd carefully stepped into bits of bare carpet...

Well, presumably the stuff on the shelves was clean, but Loki had never heard of folding by the look of things. Thor managed to extract a few items and discovered rolled socks in a drawer. Right. That just left underwear. Underwear, underwear...

Picking out his boyfriend's underwear. Normal. Totally... normal.

There was new, packaged stuff in here. Black, tight shorts, unused. Thor couldn't help wondering if maybe it was for his benefit, somehow. If Loki had bought really nice, sexy undies to wear for his first time.

Stupid really. Until last night, Loki had planned to go elsewhere for that. And he hadn't worn them on his date. They were probably just nice things he hadn't unwrapped yet.

Well, Thor didn't intend to either. He chose some neat gray ones instead. Functional. Soft and comfortable. Practical.

Definitely not thinking about how the elastic would cling to his hips or how the seams at the front would bulge if he were aroused.

Then again, why not? They had agreed to be boyfriends. He had a boyfriend. And his boyfriend was hot and would look hot in even old, gray boxers with the slightly bobbled fabric of a thousand washes. Nothing wrong with appreciating both body and mind.

He was smiling as he stepped out of Loki's room, clothes tucked under his arm, alarmed by the surprised squeak to his left.

Yep. That was a young woman in shorty pyjamas with huge glasses and an equally oversized coffee mug. An early bird. Just what he didn't need.

"Er... Hello," he said. "Um. It's not what you think, I'm Loki's... Loki gave me his keys and asked me to pick up some clothes for him."

"You're... You're not the guy he went on a date with last night," she said uncertainly.

"No. No, I'm not. But, uh... Well, he stayed over at my place anyway."

She giggled and Thor felt himself blush, mumbling about being in a rush and practically fleeing the building.

Go on a date with one guy, stay at another's place... Well, Loki was certainly getting himself a legendary reputation. Thor just hoped he'd laugh it off. That certainly seemed like something he'd do.

When he got in, Loki had evidently got himself coffee and showered, but had got back into bed. No point in hurrying without anything to wear. Made sense.

"So my roommate is texting me," he said. "Congratulating me on scoring such a beefcake. Once she'd confirmed you weren't a murderer coming to collect trophies."

Thor chuckled awkwardly, laying down the clothes on top of his drawers and spotting the pile of t-shirt and shorts on the floor.

"Are you... naked under there?"

In answer, Loki grinned and slipped his leg out from beneath the blanket, acres of bare skin, the hair all fluffed up from towelling off. Thor couldn't resist caressing it with his eyes.

"I see," he said evenly. "Now, some people would consider this a pretty obvious seduction attempt."

Loki giggled.

"Well, I looked at your kitchen calendar. I think the best time for our date is when you're off on Saturday. But that means I won't see you for two whole days... Two and a half, even, since I have chemistry club tonight so I can't come over."

"Such hardship!" Thor laughed, catching his ankle and stroking his calf, the blanket falling dangerously close to indecency. "So, what were you thinking? Before fate so cruelly separates us for such a long, long time."

"Pick a number between one and a hundred."

Oh...

"68?"


	43. Chapter 43

Even though in the back of his mind, Thor knew Loki had to go, had to get dressed and go to class and so on, but he was in no rush to get started. It was better to kiss and kiss and kiss and know that this wasn't practice for anyone else. This was all for him.

Loki hummed and leant into him, arching upwards, making sweet, needy noises.

"Mmm... Mm, you're going to make me all sweaty before class at this rate," he complained, even while his eyes hadn't left Thor's lips.

"Should I give you what you want then?"

"Please..."

Well, he was asking nicely and he did have to leave at some point, unfortunately, so Thor figured he could save his instinct to tease for when they had more time.

He planted one more firm kiss against Loki's lips and began shuffling his way down the bed.

"You have no idea how much I want this," Loki murmured. "It's more than physical, it's trust. Both of us trusting the other."

Thor knew, alright. He understood completely, enjoying the odd angle as he tried to pull Loki towards him while also raising his hips to let Loki tug his underwear down.

He laughed a little when Loki pressed a gentle kiss right to the head of his cock, murmuring like he was talking to it.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm just saying hello properly. And telling it I'm glad it's going to be the first cock inside me. Because it's attached to someone I like very, very much."

Thor couldn't help the twitch. He'd been denying himself, denying them both, but now that they were planning things properly, he was excited. He could already imagine the rush of feeling, of being as close as it was possible to be.

And maybe imagining the switch, the next morning perhaps, Loki behind him, grinding deep, lazy, gasping thrusts and kissing his neck and moaning out at the discovery of such clenching heat...

He'd make it so good for him, both ways.

His mouth was watering and he lunged forward, bobbing his head immediately as he took Loki's cock into his mouth. An answering cry and then Loki wrapped his lips around the head, teasing the slit with his tongue, sucking so softly.

Thor groaned, unable to concentrate so well with such exquisite sensations rolling through him, losing all finesse and rhythm. Even that seemed to please Loki, his hips thrusting just slightly, a near continuous pleased hum in his throat.

Maybe he could do little more than encourage, pulling at Loki's flank to encourage him to rock properly, shallowly fucking his face, a little deeper each time, taking more and more.

Loki practically squealed, his hips pistoning, desperate, only really holding Thor's cock in his mouth as he chased his pleasure and Thor was only too happy to let him, enjoying such unguarded actions.

He loved the way performance slipped away, leaving only natural instinct behind. No more trying to copy things he'd seen in porn. Listening to his own body, letting someone who cared make him feel good.

Making Loki come was a victory. The first time as boyfriends. First time after admitting their feelings. He wanted to hold Loki close and kiss every inch of his skin.

Nails at his thighs as Loki recovered enough to give as good as he got, sloppy and unco-ordinated, but good. So very good.

Thor spilled with a moan, both of them panting and lazily touching, like dreamers waking, slow and soft. Loki didn't even seem to mind the taste. Maybe too blissed out to notice it.

"You were right," Loki said eventually. "It is better with feelings. Or knowing that the feelings are there."

He sat up and stretched, somehow making his body even longer, and sighed gently.

"I don't want to go to class," he said. "I wish I could stay here with you. All day. Everyday."

Tempting though that was, Thor wouldn't forgive himself if his education suffered. He was sharp and intelligent and if he put the work in, he was bound to be successful.

Saying that would make him sound like a careers counsellor.

"You go and learn," he said instead, keeping it simple, catching Loki's hand in his. "And I'll plan Saturday."

With only minor grumbling, Loki stood and dressed, laughing a little at the clothes Thor had brought. So utilitarian.

"I hope you realize I'm expecting quite the extravaganza?" he said at the door, Thor in jeans and nothing else, just in case a neighbor was passing.

"I'll do my best not to disappoint."

"OK. Can't wait."

Lingering kisses. Thor's heart was practically dancing.

"And tell Sif about me," Loki said on the stair. "No more embarrassing discoveries."

Of course, Sif. Telling her would make it all the more real. And he could seek her advice on his date idea, maybe just advice generally on how to be a good partner. He was out of practice after all.

Later. For the next ten minutes or so, he was going to bask in his bed and wonder at how he'd been so unhappy only yesterday.


	44. Chapter 44

Maybe it was the jaunty lilt to his voice when he left a voicemail for Sif inviting her to come round for dinner that night or maybe she just had an inkling that something good had to have happened for him to be willingly exiting his little shell.

 _Someone's perky,_ she texted. _I'll be round at six, probably starving. Pls feed me._

He found himself humming, music on, practically dancing round his kitchen as he made an attempt at his mother's famous risotto recipe, grinning when the door buzzer went.

Rush to open the door and then back to the pan, stirring, stirring, always stirring...

"Smells good," Sif called, clicking the lock behind her. "You going to tell me your news before plating up or after?"

"News?"

"Thor, you're so obviously happy I'm amazed you haven't magically summoned a choir of bluebirds like a Disney princess. Ergo, something must have happened to make you so very happy."

Fair enough. She moved around him, laying out cutlery, laughing at his whistling as he finally deemed the rice suitably creamy and began spooning it out.

"At the risk of being wrong," she said, filling a jug of water for the table. "Would it be entirely wide of the mark to assume your newfound chipper outlook on life has something to do with a certain dark-haired young man?"

"It would not be wide of the mark at all. In fact, it would very much be directly upon the mark."

He expected her to be pleased. He didn't quite expect a squeal and clapping.

"Yay! Oh, I'm so glad! I knew you'd come to your senses eventually. I mean... I mean, you have told him, right?"

What exactly was she trying to imply?

"Yes. We're official. Actual boyfriends. Why wouldn't I tell him?"

"Just checking. Sometimes you go too far into the silent stoicism. I wouldn't put it past you to realise you had feelings and then to bury them all the way at the bottom of your stomach and never actually tell. So what's your story going to be?"

He was still reeling from being told he was emotionally roadblocked, not even understanding her question.

"Story?"

"Of how you met. You can't exactly tell the truth, I mean, the truth is ridiculous. You need something plausible for how you, sad hermit trucker, met him, young man about town. And don't just say through me because then I'll have to come up with a way to explain how I met him. You need to sort this out before you meet each other's parents."

Whoa. Whoa, slow down. No one said anything about parents or meeting them.

"I don't think we're quite at that level."

"Not yet, but I know you. You're serious about this. It took you ages to consider the big F, let alone the big R."

"Say words."

She smiled at him, fork poised halfway to her lips.

"You wouldn't say friendship, let alone relationship. For you to be throwing around being boyfriends, you're expecting this to last."

"Well, I hope so, but... Well, I need to be realistic, I can't expect anything, I mean, he might still get bored of me and move on and..."

"No, no, no, no, no, la-la-la-la. No pessimism dressed as realism. No self-sabotage or self-fulfilling prophecies. Only happiness and optimism."

He might clink water glasses with her, but the worry was in his head now. All the worries - he might have to meet Loki's mom and stepdad. How would they feel about him dating someone older? Loki had said they had quite a gap, hadn't he? Even so, he was her son. It was different.

And five years at forty was a lot less than five years at eighteen...

"Thor, stop. I can see you're overthinking this. Back to happy, please. You can figure something out together. And your parents will be so thrilled that you've met someone who will help take care of you that Loki could practically be an axe murderer."

"Take care of me? No, I'll be taking care of him. Making sure his stomach sees vitamins on occasion, making sure he's always got clean socks, that kind of thing."

"And he'll make sure you see sunlight and laugh more than you do now. Taking care of each other is the whole point, unless I'm greatly mistaken."

She seemed right enough there.

"We're going on our first date on Saturday," he said shyly, tracing patterns in his rice. "First proper date."

"And I expect you're going to be a perfect gentleman."

Thor felt a shockwave of guilt roll through him. Planning to show a young man a good time and then take him home, sex heavily implied, what was he thinking? This was practically predatory behavior...

"Joke!" Sif said. "Joking, Thor. You're adults, you can thrash that out yourselves."

He wasn't hoping for thrashing. He was hoping for sweet, gentle kisses and soft moans and gasps and warmth and care and no regrets ever.

And he assumed that's what Loki wanted too.

But that wasn't important yet. Getting the date right, now that was important.

God, what was he going to wear? He didn't go on dates, or out really. He had a suit for funerals and weddings, but that was about it and he wanted to make an effort...

"I have to go shopping," he said, like it was a judgement from on high.

Sif froze mid-mouthful and swallowed hard.

"You're on your own with that one. You know I hate shopping."

"Yes, but... Well, I don't really have time in the next few days and Loki might come here to study so I can't have anything delivered. Unless you'd..."

A put-upon sigh, reaching out to take his hand.

"Sweetheart, as your oldest friend, yes, I will take in any packages you wish to have delivered. On one minor condition, of course."

"Which is?"

"You let me see you in them. Haven't seen you out of jeans in, what? Eighteen months at least. I've forgotten if you suit tailoring or not."

Well, if that didn't put the fear into him. Maybe he didn't suit tailoring. Loki look good in everything and nothing and though he was still proud of his arms from all that heavy lifting, Thor had noticed a certain softening around his middle in recent months. Too much beer, too much diner food no doubt.

A second opinion would therefore likely be vital.

"Deal," he said. "And thank you."


	45. Chapter 45

Online shopping. Who had ever thought this was a good idea? Watch a video of a perfect specimen with perfect dimensions walk the runway and then remember that your arms are too long for that, shoulders too bulky, neck too thick...

It had been t-shirts and button downs and jeans for so long. What cuts looked good on him? What colors? What shades of those colors? Loki liked greens and teals. Should he try to match? Or deliberately contrast?

What was a complementary difference and what was a clash and how could you tell before it was the big day?

Maybe color was a bad idea. Maybe gray and black and white was the way to go. A crisp white shirt. Nothing wrong with that. Stylish. Classic.

Why was he so worried? After all, Loki had seen him in boxers and jeans and t-shirts and nothing at all and seemed to consider him attractive enough.

But he'd been stunned seeing Loki in that date outfit. That's what he wanted. He wanted Loki to look at him and be struck by how well he could scrub up when he tried.

Maybe he should get a haircut...

No, working all day, no time for that. He could tie it back nice and neat, or leave it flowing and natural...

Why was this so hard?!

In the end, he picked a couple of dress shirts, slate gray and darkest midnight blue. Special enough, hopefully, but at the same time classic and unadventurous. He could hardly be expected to go from zero to a hundred in no time flat, after all. He couldn't just jump straight in at velvet suits.

Going to work, even not straying far from home, suddenly felt weird. Every mile driven was a mile away from Loki. He started to worry about every little thing. An unexpected snow storm. A break down. Anything that might stop him getting home for the weekend.

Maybe everyone was right. Maybe he ought to look into what other opportunities there were on a more regular schedule, perhaps in a more managerial situation. Nine to five or close to it. Being able to make evening plans at the last minute. Coming home to find Loki writing up lab reports at the kitchen table, cooking together sometimes, kissing his cheek on his way out the door in the mornings.

Whoa there. Slow down. An agreement to date wasn't the same as moving in together, even if he'd got used to having Loki around worryingly quickly.

If he was guilty of worrying too much and expecting everything to be doomed after one setback then it stood to reason that maybe he would also let his imagination get the better of him when considering happy things too. It was something he needed to be aware of and cautious with. Especially with this being Loki's first relationship. He knew what it felt like to be rushed into cohabiting and so on. Waiting a couple of years to be sure of themselves would probably be better.

Even so, it was a nice thought. Having someone there and in turn being there for him. All the things they could go through together. Worrying about exams and interviews and work meetings. Lazy weekends and busy ones and birthdays and holidays.

All in the future. And living there could be as dangerous as living in the past.

Maybe it was inevitable that his mind would throw up the question he was trying to avoid, the thought he was desperately trying not to have.

_Did John feel this way about me once?_

He was tempted to deny it. To say he never had, that things had been different, obviously doomed from the start in retrospect. It would be easier to imagine this early burst of excitement settling into a gentle but warm normality and that he would never feel that urge to leave no matter what happened. But things changed sometimes. No sense in pretending they didn't. You could never know what feelings the future might throw up.

You had to learn from your past and not dwell in it.

He'd never understood friends who jumped out of relationships as soon as the shine wore off. Surely the comfortable niche was better than always having to try to impress?

Maybe that was why he was feeling so positive. Loki had already seen him in a myriad of ways - maybe not quite at his worst, but he tried to avoid being at his worst anyway - and was still keen.

At this early stage, knowing each other at least a bit better than most surely could only mean disappointment was less likely. You couldn't put someone on too high a pedestal if you'd already seen them in a ditch, after all.

The texts from Loki had arrived throughout the day, as usual, but now each one had kisses on it. He shouldn't be so teenage and excited by it, but he couldn't help but smile.

_Pipette drip-drop experiments today. Like a vacation for my brain. Drip, drip, drip, ooh, pink! Seriously, I did this in high school. I think the demonstrators might be hungover. xx_

_I'm eating broccoli voluntarily. Be proud of me. xx_

_Turns out I like broccoli? xx_

_So, any clues on where you're planning to take me Saturday? :p xx_

Thor grinned and told him not to get his hopes up.

As a joke.

Or, at least, he hoped so...


	46. Chapter 46

Sif was wearing her serious face when he arrived at her apartment on Friday night, exactly the opposite appearance of her bright red welcome mat.

"What?" he asked, feeling like he was about to be told off for something. "What's up?"

"I opened your package," she said. "And you are disappointingly boring. Where's the pizzazz, Thor?"

He mumbled defensively. Didn't need pizzazz, whatever she meant by that. Wanted to come across as steady and reliable and yet also fun and engaging. And handsome. That too.

"Fortunately for you, I have a range of accessories that you can borrow."

Thor groaned. Accessories were bad, but Sif's accessories? Tomboy she may be, but her things still... Well, they wouldn't exactly suit him. This wasn't playing dress up. This was supposed to be his own natural style.

He rejected the coral pendant ("It makes you look sensitive") and the blue beads ("They bring out your eyes") and flat out refused to touch any of the scarves.

"Don't they say it's possible to over fuss things?" he tried desperately. "How about I pick a shirt first for a start? Then we can think about this kind of thing."

Unfortunately, upon trying the gray one, he could kind of see her point. It was dull. He looked like a substitute teacher or an accountant or something. Like he was going to work and not on a date.

The blue was better. Maybe Sif had a point about his eyes. They did seem brighter. His hair looked more vibrant too, the gold tones in it set off nicely. It was still just a shirt and he was probably going to be scoffed at for that, but something about the cut or the fabric really... Really helped.

Sif pursed her lips and squinted at him when he emerged from changing in the bathroom, nodding slightly.

"I still think it needs something," she said. "A little accent. A little pop. I'd offer you a brooch, but I can already see the panic in your eyes."

"I just don't want it to be obvious that I've made such an effort."

"Why not? It's flattering if someone makes an effort. You are a beautiful bird of paradise and you need to dance."

He couldn't stop the sigh from escaping.

"Is this a joke to you?" he asked. "Are you trying to make me look ridiculous?"

Oh, mistake. Mistake, mistake. Now he'd upset his oldest friend in the world. She folded her arms, visibly offended.

"I'm excited for you," she said. "Someone has to be. If you let your nerves get the better of you, you'll tie yourself up in knots. I was trying to distract you. Don't you remember how you used to be? How confident? Like, the end of high school, half the girls were drooling over you if you so much as looked in their direction. You used to wrap them round your fingers."

"I was a kid. And a pretty bratty one at that. Besides, it's different, trying to impress someone you actually have feelings for."

Her frown softened a little at that. What with her borderline unhealthy interest in his social life, it made sense that emotions were definitely something to play on.

"I just want Loki to think he's made the right decision by agreeing to go out with me," he said, almost pouting.

Almost, but not quite. That would be pushing it. All the same, maybe he hadn't quite lost the knack of wrapping people round his fingers as Sif sighed and laid both hands on his shoulders, making him look her in the eye.

"He will," she insisted. "He has. And he knows it. You just need to relax and you'll be fine. Where are you talking him?"

"Franklin Institute. He's a chemist. I thought the science thing would be fun. And I've never been, so... Too serious? Too not serious?"

"You've made an effort to find something that matches his interests. You're showing you listen and care. He'll love it. I believe in you!"

Thor just wished he did too. In deference to her advice and stellar work as a cheerleader and de facto therapist, he did finally agree to wear a sort of cuff bracelet. Plain, silvery, unisex. He didn't necessarily like it, but he could tolerate it.

And much as it pained him to notice, it did rather pull the whole outfit together.

He texted Loki just before leaving, his new shirt neatly back in its package ready to be ironed in the morning.

_Looking forward to tomorrow. I'll be round to your place at about ten, unless that's too early. Can't wait to see you. X_

He could barely sleep once he got home. And he wasn't sure if that was due to excitement or nerves.


	47. Chapter 47

He should have seen the ambush coming. He went to Loki's place, he pressed the buzzer, he got a female voice in answer.

"Hi, um... I'm here to see Loki?"

"Oh, you're here! Come in, we have coffee. He's not quite ready yet."

They were all waiting for him. All the people from Loki's floor, waiting 'casually' for him in the kitchen, wanting to see, wanting to know who he was and what his intentions were. The only way this could get worse would be if Loki's mother somehow showed up as a surprise.

He'd evidently been spoken to by the same girl who had seen him before and she seemed to be the leader of this scounting party. Thor found himself put in a kitchen chair and subjected to not at all subtle questioning.

"So, you are the famous Thor?"

"Yeah. Hi."

"And you're... a truck driver?"

"I am. Yes."

He sure as hell wasn't going to be made to feel bad about his life choices by a bunch of freshmen. Mostly the same age as Loki with one or two who looked closer to him. But all of them fresh at college, where he was five years ago.

The judgement was almost palpable. And he got it. It was just the way he'd judged himself when he'd dropped out. A failure, pathetic, hopeless, useless... They couldn't be thinking anything worse than he'd already thrown at himself.

He remembered an early lecture, part of orientation, when the speaker had asked them to look left and right at the people they were sitting beside. One of those three, your left neighbor, right neighbor or yourself, statistically speaking, would drop out. _Nonsense_ , Thor had thought. _Not me._

Ha-ha.

Still, even though he couldn't blame them for it without being horribly hypocritical, that didn't mean he didn't resent it just a little bit. They didn't think he was good enough for Loki.

Well, he'd just have to prove he was. He had a stable job and rented a nice place. He was supportive and he was serious about this relationship.

Wait, had he just needed an army of young upstarts to find his self-belief? Where did this sudden assurance come from?

"So how did you two meet?"

"Um..."

"Are you trying to scare him off?" Loki said, striding in, and Thor found his mouth going dry, leaping up to meet him.

Kiss or not kiss? Oh, God, there were people...

Loki leant in and, for want of a better word, smooched him. Not chaste, but not unsuitable for a public setting. A brief, intimate kiss.

Thor felt a little like territory being marked. Somehow, he didn't mind.

"Don't wait up," Loki winked, turning more serious as they left together.

"You look nice," Thor said, knowing how awkward it sounded.

Loki laughed.

"Right back at you. Though I knew you would. Anyway, where are we going?"

"The Franklin Institute. Unless... Unless you'd rather not? We can go somewhere else if you want."

"No, that sounds good. I love that place."

Dating had somehow made things feel awkward. Or maybe they'd both built this up too much. Thor tried to shake himself out of it. They knew each other, they had seen each other naked and crying and injured. This should not be difficult!

"Why is this weird?" Loki asked.

At least he was feeling it too.

"I'm not sure."

"Is it because we're going to fuck later?"

Thor almost tripped over his own feet. What? What?!

"I just hope we have a good time," he said. "I'm not even thinking about that."

They walked to a larger street, towards the cab stand. Halfway there, Loki took Thor's hand. Holding hands. Because they could.

Why did that make him want to giggle like a twelve year old?

They sat close on the plastic back seat, the driver asking them where to.

"Franklin Institute, please."

"We're on a date."

They grinned at each other as she definitely rolled her eyes and pulled off. Holding hands in a cab. So normal and so cliched, but exciting all the same.

"I'm so glad I'm here with you," Loki murmured.

Thor squeezed his fingers gently.

"Yeah. Me too."


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been to Philadelphia, let alone the Franklin Institute, so my apologies for any errors. It looks like a great museum though.

The ticket price was absolutely worth it. Loki couldn't even pick where he wanted to go first, but eventually selected the giant heart.

"I haven't been here in years," he said. "Not since I was a kid. You can climb right into it."

The famous heart. It was impressive. Huge and well sign-posted and, of course, full of children running around like extremely excited red blood cells.

"You've probably done this a million times," Loki said as they made their way towards the echoing beating in the centre.

"Nope. Never been before."

Loki looked at him sideways.

"Seriously? But you live here. It's practically on your doorstep."

"Yeah, but... You know, I just never got round to it. Never had anyone I wanted to go with before."

A smile and Loki leant in to kiss him, right there in the right atrium. Thor's immediate instinct was to hide. There were kids here, not that they were paying any attention, and more importantly parents who might object.

But Loki didn't seem to have any of those concerns, or at least wasn't showing it. Maybe he really didn't care. He hadn't waited all those years to come out and then hide. Thor found his hand being held, barely able to bring himself to tear his eyes away from Loki long enough to actually look at the exhibits. His face was just so open, so bright. He was so happy. A combination of nostalgic glow and new excitement.

Thor felt he could easily have become lost if he was by himself. The building wasn't the easiest to navigate. He could only really orient himself by the giant, free-swinging pendulum, proving the turning of the Earth by knocking over its little circle of skittles one by one. But Loki knew where everything was, up to the interactive stuff, down to the tropical exhibition, and eventually into the line for the planetarium show.

Only after sitting down did Thor feel the twinge in his back. Oh, he wasn't used to being on his feet so constantly. He'd feel this in the morning. He was also surprisingly hungry. Breakfast had been coffee and toast and seemed very long ago now.

But was there anything more perfect than holding hands and gazing up at the cosmos and marvelling that the same elements that filled nebulas and asteroids were in their very skin and flesh? It was a little old fashioned maybe, but still beautiful. And Thor liked to think of generation after generation who had come to see the same thing.

Maybe some of them had also been on dates. Maybe he could harvest some kind of positive vibes from the very setting.

"I meant to make out with you in the back row," Loki said as they left, snapping him out of his musings and heading for the restaurant. "You'll have to take me to a terrible movie some time. One I won't want to pay attention to."

He was talking about a next time. Thor's heart soared. Somehow he wasn't totally screwing this up!

The lunch room was a little cafeteria-like. Not that Thor was noticing as such. Loki was taking his time over his soup and not at all subtly testing out how Thor reacted to his little happy noises. Very, very positively. He couldn't help it.

"Alright," Loki said, wiping his lips on a paper napkin. "So it's just gone three. They'll throw us out at six, so we still have time to go hang out in the big brain and see the robots. Unless we have dinner reservations that I should be aware of?"

Oh... Oh, Saturday night. He should have booked somewhere.

"I didn't... I haven't got anywhere specific in mind. Or any particular time."

Loki smiled.

"Good. Because by that point I'll probably want you to take me home."

Hmm. Well. That sounded... Yep. Stay cool, Thor.

"But first robots?"

"Oh, of course. Can't miss an opportunity for robots. That bit wasn't even here the last time I came."

Thor let him take his hand and lead the way again. He was getting used to that view of arm and then shoulder and then smiling face looking back at him.

He felt like he'd happily follow Loki anywhere in the world.


	49. Chapter 49

Thor was trying to press all the buttons on one of the robot displays at once when a staff member gave them a half hour warning for closing time. How had so many hours slipped by? Must have been having too much fun.

"Should we go?" Loki asked.

"Are you ready?"

He should have worded himself better because Loki grinned instantly and dropped his voice to a purr.

"Oh, I think I'm ready."

Thor felt himself go bright red immediately and only started getting towards pink as they pulled their coats on and headed outside, the milder air of proper spring beginning to settle in.

They walked to his place, even though it took ages. Anticipation hung in the air between them, a heavy knowledge. Thor felt a strange blend of excitement and worry, his stomach trying to do backflips and scrunch itself into a ball all at once. The sound of the giant heart seemed to echo in his ears.

Was Loki freaking out right now? He seemed very calm. But maybe that was an act. Maybe he was holding it back.

"Should we send out for pizza or something?" Thor heard himself ask, desperate to free himself from the silence.

"Later on, maybe," Loki said. "When we've worked up an appetite."

Deep breaths. Count to ten.

"You know, we don't have to," he said quietly. "You don't need to rush into this."

"I'm excited," Loki said. "Just relax."

Thor wished he could. And something about his silence evidently spoke to Loki more than if he'd tried to use words.

"Hey," he said, stopping and pulling Thor's arm so they were face to face. "I understand. You're scared that I won't like something and won't tell you. But you trust me, right?"

"Of course."

"Alright, then trust me to tell you what I want and if I change my mind. And I'll trust you to listen."

He was making a lot of sense, Thor had to give him that.

"Besides," Loki said, walking again, fingers laced together. "I'm pretty sure we'll both forget all our worries once we get started."

Thor couldn't decide if that sounded really good or really unwise or both. He let Loki steer him over to the couch once they got in, pushing him down and climbing into his lap.

"I like this," Loki said, feeling the fabric of Thor's shirt. "It makes you look even better than usual."

"I bought it for you," Thor said. "I mean... Not for you, I bought it for our date. I wanted to look nice."

"You did. But I still think you might look even nicer out of it."

He moved in for kisses and Thor was powerless against him, yielding instantly, leaning up and hands resting gently on his hips.

Hips that were vibrating under his left hand.

Loki huffed as he pulled back, reaching into his pocket and groaning.

"Sorry," he said, before picking up. "Hi, Mom."

Well, didn't that put the brakes on Thor's desire? No amount of Loki straddling him could take away from the fact that he was also in the middle of a parental phonecall.

"I'm out at a... a friend's place. Why? Yeah, I know. Uh-huh... Yeah, but... Sure."

A friend. Well, alright, no problem. He hadn't told his parents yet either, but now Loki was looking at him with concern, like he was worried he'd be offended. Thor stroked his thigh with one thumb, comforting but not sexual.

"Can I call you back in, say... an hour?" Loki asked, either anticipating a lot of foreplay or overestimating things. "I'm kind of in the middle of something. OK. Love you. Bye."

He rather firmly turned his phone off, leaning back to put it on Thor's coffee table.

"So... Where were we?"

Thor stamped on the instinct to go right back to kissing. They were doing this properly. No unplanned rushing. They should have a plan.

"I think," he said carefully, keeping his hands definitely in intimate and not rejecting places. "That you ought to tell me exactly what you want right now."

Loki tilted his head to the side.

"Well, _right now,_ I want to make out with my boyfriend some more. And then I want him to take me to bed. And then I want to have sex."

"Yeah, but... But which, uh... Which way round?"

A giggle, fingers through his hair.

"Decisions, decisions... Don't make me choose so early. The waiting is more fun this way."

Maybe for him. Thor might prefer to know precisely where they were going.

But kissing... Yes, kissing was indeed fun.


	50. Chapter 50

Loki didn't seem to be in any kind of rush. He was positively leisurely, rocking his hips back and forth in a slow grind, tasting Thor's lips with brief, teasing kisses.

Not that he was content with being teased himself, it seemed, taking hold of Thor's wrist to plant his palm firmly further round than Thor had dared reach. And that was... Ooh.

Well, his other hand quickly got the message, cupping properly, getting a little happy hum from Loki. He liked being wanted and desirable. And Thor couldn't deny him that. Not when it was so evident that he deeply wanted and desired him.

Maybe he ought to say something about it, but somehow telling Loki he was hot didn't seem quite right. He wouldn't put it into words correctly or he wouldn't say it right or something would be...

"Have you got condoms?" Loki whispered somewhere against his cheek.

Shit. Shit, he knew there was something he'd forgotten.

"I can get some. It won't take long."

A little moan of annoyance, but a kiss to the corner of his mouth too.

"Please? And in the meantime, I might take a little shower."

"A... What?"

"Just my lower half. So that I'm all fresh. And clean."

Oh. Oh, OK. Right.

"Don't worry," Loki said, getting off him in a single, graceful move, not at all hampered by his erection. "I'll save everything else until you get back."

Yes, back. Thor desperately tried to think through the fog of arousal. He was visibly hard, couldn't go out like this in public, think of unsexy things...

Loki took off his shirt, humming lightly, the curve of his shoulders contrasting with the angles of his chest, his nipples pink and inviting, dark hair beginning just under his navel and trailing down, down to the sudden block of his jeans.

Well, shit. Now his brain refused to accept anything but that image.

In the end, Thor tied his coat around his hips, the sleeves just about maintaining his dignity as he ran down the stairs.

Where was the nearest place that would sell condoms? He never actually bought them, as such. He was usually lucky enough to find a dispenser in the bathroom of a bar or a diner or the other guy brought them. Where to go for an actual box?

There was a pharmacy two blocks down. They'd have some, probably.

Why were there always, without fail, people you didn't want to see you buying condoms around when you needed them? Elderly couple with walking sticks, young mother with toddler in pram, excessively youthful, female cashier...

He looked at the cough syrups very intently waiting for the place to empty at least a little before sidling round to the safe sex display.

So many to choose from... After staring for probably far too long, he grabbed what seemed like standard ones. No frills, no ribbed this or flavored that. Functional and to the point.

His cheeks were burning as he put them on the counter, repeating to himself that it was nothing, he was an adult, there was no need to be embarrassed, they sold these all the time, the cashier wouldn't be judging him.

"Is that everything, sir?"

"What?"

She held up the little white bag, eyebrows raised.

"Can I help you with anything else, sir?"

"Oh. Uh, no. Thank you."

She was definitely laughing at him. It was probably great sport, teasing young men just trying to have safer sexy times. She wasn't embarrassed in the least and found it funny that he was. Thor gripped the bag tightly and practically sprinted out of the store.

Necessary things acquired, lots of unnecessary mortification survived. Now he intended to walk home leisurely. No running up the stairs to be out of breath.

There was method in his madness. Loki clearly meant to tease him. He could guess already that his suddenly urgent shower would involve a degree of preparation which would no doubt be continued outside of it.

He was expecting Thor to burst back in and for his jaw to hit the floor at the sight of him. Which it probably would, granted. But he could tease too and the best tool in his arsenal was time.

It was a balancing act. He couldn't hang around too long or Loki might get worried, but he had to wait long enough to make the anticipation burn. Just a little.

Just the tiniest bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut tomorrow, I promise.


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...  
> I'm an idiot.
> 
> The sharp-eyed/memoried among you (such as Philosopher_King who brought this to my attention) may recall WAY back in chapter six that Thor and Loki lived in Pittsburgh.
> 
> Fastforward several weeks and, basically, I forgot this and just went with another city beginning with P. At least they're in the same state?
> 
> I have no excuse other than that I'm forgetful and dumb and I plain got confused. I'm very sorry. Especially to Ignisentis who was so happy to see a story set in Pittsburgh. Which I have now mercilessly relocated to Philadelphia via find and replace.
> 
> Tl;dr - I'm a dummy and now we're in Philly.

The moment he closed the door, Thor heard a distinctly theatrical moan and couldn't help chuckling at it. Oh, Loki... Still showing off.

He had evidently taken great care in positioning himself, as the shape he had contorted into was very clearly for the benefit of a viewer rather than actually comfortable.

His head was bent so he could look over his shoulder, so he could judge Thor's reaction to finding him with his chest on the bed, his ass high and his hand between his own legs, working himself open.

"Hey," Thor said. "That's my job."

Loki licked his lips in open challenge.

"How do you want me?"

No, he hadn't stewed enough. Thor began unbuttoning his shirt slowly, watching how Loki's eyes followed his hands. Despite feeling his cock twitching back to attention almost painfully, he left his jeans on as he walked forwards to lay his hands on Loki's skin. Finally.

He carefully rolled him onto his back, hair fanned out on the pillow, eyes so big, lips so pink and Thor couldn't resist leaning down to kiss him, loving how he leant up into it.

"Please?"

"Budge up. I'll give you what you need."

Of course, he had fingered Loki before, but this was the first time it wasn't an end unto itself. He was careful and gentle, lying by Loki's side to keep kissing as he began stretching and scissoring, careful to avoid his prostate. Couldn't overstimulate him too early.

So warm inside. So tight that Thor was actually worried that he wouldn't fit.

Maybe they ought to have done more preparation...

"Fuck, Thor. Oh, I can't wait to be full..."

On second thoughts, as long as he was gentle and careful. And used plenty of lube. He reached for it again, the bottle tumbled between their bodies. Too much was almost impossible, but too little...

"Thor, please."

"OK."

Loki panted, his eyes so dark with want, watching as Thor shimmied his jeans and underwear off, rolling a condom on and looking down carefully.

"They say it's easier if you lie on your stomach for the first time."

"No," Loki said. "No, I want to see your face."

"I was hoping you'd say that."

It felt so right to crawl between Loki's legs and into his arms.

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah... Yeah, I want it."

"I'll be gentle."

They both moaned as Thor reached down and lined up, the head of his cock just brushing against Loki's skin.

He was too tense still. It would hurt like this.

"Hey, relax."

Loki's chest heaved. His eyes fluttered shut.

"I'm not going to do anything until I know you're ready. Try pushing down."

Deep breaths. And he felt it go, the little give, letting him in. Just the head, but that was enough for now. Loki was trembling, his lips parted for harsh breaths.

"Is this what they call just the tip?"

At least he was still able to make jokes.

"Is it too much?" Thor asked.

Loki shook his head, managing a smile.

"No, I like it. It's just intense. I can't believe I fantasized about you being rough with me when I can barely handle this."

"Well... Maybe one day. Are you ready for me to move?"

"Maybe a little."

He was careful and gentle, even as his body wanted nothing more than to push deep. Shallow thrusts. Slow and careful.

Loki gasped and twitched.

"Go deeper," he said. "Please. I think it will be easier if you hit... If you hit the right spot?"

Thor wasn't sure, but, well...

"Ah!"

"Sorry, sorry..."

"No, no, it's good. It's just... Oh, it's so deep. Just... Just let me get used to it."

He waited for the nod and then...

"Mmm... Oh... Oh, Thor..."

"Yeah?"

"Mm-hm..."

His concern had distracted him from his own need but suddenly he felt it rush through him in waves. The heat, the clenching, the sounds.

It was almost unbearable. He was at risk of embarrassing himself.

He reached down between their bodies, finding Loki's cock, thick and hot, wrapping his hand around it. Loki cried out, arching into it, his hands gripping the sheets.

"Good?"

"Uh-huh. Oh, don't stop!"

As if he had any intention to. This was almost too good, seeing and hearing and feeling Loki's pleasure and knowing that he was doing it, he was making it good for him...

He couldn't resist Loki's lips, swallowing his moans as he finally came, spilling over Thor's hand and clenching so tight. It was easy to let go, to stop holding back, just a few more thrusts.

Loki's nails dug into his back, shuddering, wet breaths.

"I'm sorry," Thor murmured. "I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"

"No... No, just... Hold me?"

Wrapping Loki in his arms felt as natural as breathing, holding him close to stroke his hair and kiss him.

"I've got you. You did so well."

"Thanks. So did you."

Thor couldn't hold back his helpless giggles.


	52. Chapter 52

Thor woke to the sound of Loki's voice. Not next to him, just drifting through to his room. His body had a gentle tingle of residual warmth and strain running through it. It was quite excessively pleasant.

After a moment's thought, he sat up and managed to pull the used condom off with some degree of difficulty, tying it in a knot and shuffling towards the trashcan in the kitchen.

"Yeah, sure," Loki was saying, looking surprisingly decadent where he was lounging on the couch in Thor's robe. "No, that sounds good."

He gave a little wave as Thor passed. Of course. Leaving his boyfriend to nap after sex while he called his mom. Normal. Totally normal.

God, he really was hungry now. Pizza and snuggles sounded great. Talking about... about Loki's first time didn't sound remotely as fun, but it was necessary. Or he thought so anyway.

He politely stayed in the kitchen, pretending he couldn't hear Loki's conversation and studying a local takeout menu that was probably incredibly outdated.

Hmm, barbecue sauce or garlic base?

"Nice view."

Thor turned to find Loki leaning against the wall by the arch that counted as the doorway, clearly enjoying Thor's lack of clothes. He pushed his way up, coming close with his head tilted up for kisses.

"Hi."

"Hi. You, uh... I was sleeping, but I think dinner might be in order?"

"Good plan. You successfully whet my appetite."

_Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk..._

"How are you feeling?" Thor asked, trying to seem subtle while searching for a definitely accurate, current pizza menu.

"What do you mean? I feel a little... open, I guess. Not bruised but maybe a little tender. Nothing I wasn't expecting."

"I meant emotionally."

Loki quirked an eyebrow and went back to the couch, leaving Thor to follow him. He grunted as he sat, crossing his legs.

"I honestly don't know what you're expecting me to say. It was intense. It wasn't quite what I was expecting maybe, but that's... You know. Because fantasy and reality aren't the same. Now get over here and stop being so worried."

It made sense. He had to admit that as he quickly stopped by the bedroom at least throw on some clothes before taking his spot on the couch and pulling Loki's feet into his lap.

"What did you imagine it would be like?" he asked, massaging his heels gently.

Loki snorted.

"Well, I thought I'd be better at it, for a start. Like, I'd be able to go fast right from the off. I wasn't expecting how hard it would be. No pun intended."

"It was your first time. It gets easier when you're used to it."

An eyebrow quirk.

"So you're expecting a next time? A follow-up?"

Oh, time to back off. He'd been right, Loki had felt pressured. Shit.

"I, er... Maybe? It's up to you though. And I thought you might want to try things the other way round?"

He'd heard smiles described as being like the sun. This was not like that. Loki's face split into a wide grin like a wave breaking on a parched shore, reaching for the menu where Thor had put it on the coffee table.

"Food first," he insisted. "Planning of future dates and sexual escapades later."

It was easier to relax once the delivery hit had come and gone and they were enjoying sticky, cheesy goodness. Everything felt more normal, the awkwardness he had inadvertently brought to their evening dissipating under the assault of stuffed crust.

"So what was your mom calling about?"

"Oh, nothing important. Just what time I'm intending to get home for my birthday."

Thor choked on a piece of pepperoni.

"Birthday?" he spluttered.

"Yeah, I turn nineteen next weekend. But I checked your calendar. You're going to be away. No biggie."

"I still want to get you something."

Loki laughed.

"You already gave me something, in case you forgot."

Thor felt himself blush.

"I mean, that doesn't count," he mumbled, setting Loki off cackling.

"Not that. I meant you. You generally. Being my boyfriend. Best present I've ever had."

That still seemed more like a joint decision than a gift.

No. He'd get him something else.

The only question was what?


	53. Chapter 53

It was nice to wake up next to Loki again. Extra warm, that gentle realization that they were both awake, but neither quite wanted to get up yet.

Sleep kisses. Groggy not-quite gropes. No real wish to push anything further, but the freedom to enjoy such intimacy and peace, all cuddled up together.

It couldn't last though, of course.

"I have a seminar tomorrow morning to prepare for," Loki said mournfully. "So I guess I should... You know. Leave."

"Coffee before you go? Toast?"

"Mm. Leftover pizza."

Good plan. It still took them a while to get up, wanting to luxuriate in the carefree warmth of bed and Sunday morning just a little longer.

Cold pizza really was great. Even better when Loki decided it would taste better if he was sitting in Thor's lap, the plate perched on his knees, their limbs far too long to actually get away with such things without extreme awkwardness. Not that they cared. It was too nice to be so close and cosy.

Maybe Thor liked touch more than normal people did. Or maybe he'd missed the simplicity of being comfortable around another person so much that now he appreciated it all the more.

"Are you going to miss me while you're away?" Loki asked, half-teasing but a little serious.

"Of course. I'll have to call you. I love your texts, but I'll miss hearing your voice too much to go without it for too long."

He could just make out Loki's smile. The slight pinkness on his cheeks. He liked knowing that Thor liked him. Maybe underneath all that effortless cool, there was a little insecurity too.

Thor figured he could quite happily dedicate a large chunk of his time to soothing that need.

"I don't want to leave," Loki moaned.

"I know. I don't want you to either. But you have work to do and I should clean and so on. Call home."

He felt Loki tense a little.

"Were you... You know, upset? When I didn't tell my mom that we're dating?"

Thor scoffed.

"Of course not. It's difficult. I haven't told my parents either. Mostly because they'll start demanding to meet you and I'm not sure we're ready for that."

Loki shook his head in agreement.

"I'm probably going to tell them when I'm home next weekend," he said, almost shy.

"OK. I'll tell mine too. So we're even."

A lean back, a kiss on the cheek and then on the lips.

Good decision.

Loki groaned as he stood up, stretching. Thor enjoyed the view, for all the felt the loss of him.

"Right," Loki said. "Home. Reading. Notes. Hiding from my roommates trying to give me the third degree. You?"

"Dishes, bag packing, route revision and calling Sif to give her the chance to give me the third degree."

Laughing together made parting less bitter.

"Happy birthday," Thor said as Loki lounged in his doorway. "In advance."

"Thanks. I'll try."

One last kiss.

And then he had to close the door before he was tempted to let Loki stay all day and never mind their respective responsibilities.

No, no. The separation would only make their next meeting sweeter.


	54. Chapter 54

He wasn't sure how to describe the sound Sif made when he called her, hands still pruney from cleaning and washing up. A squeal? A squeak? A yelp?

A very happy, excited sound. That much was clear.

"How did it go?" she asked. "Was it fun? Was it romantic? Tell me everything!"

"It was good. The museum was great. I mean, I actually think I learned stuff, so that's always a benefit."

"And did Loki enjoy it?"

Something about her tone rankled with him. Like she wasn't talking about the Franklin Institute at all. Like she was talking about something else.

"Well, you know, science is his thing, so..."

"Thor."

He huffed.

"I'm not going to tell you about the sex. It's private."

"Aha! But you did do it though."

Walked right into that one, Thor. Well done.

"Yeah. But that's all you're getting about that. He's still talking to me, so I guess it can't have been that bad."

"Oh, shush. I bet you're the best at snuggling afterwards."

Thor mumbled and tried not to be embarrassed. It wasn't like they didn't talk about sex at all, but it was generally in abstract terms rather than with regards to real people. Or, well... Well, Thor didn't mind chatting about his one-nighters, but they never talked about Sif's boyfriends, for example. Not while they were still dating, certainly.

He wasn't one to kiss and tell. Therefore he needed a subject change.

"Thing is... Well, it turns out his birthday is coming up. Really soon."

"Ah. And you're now stumped for a big romantic gesture?"

"No, I'm away anyway and he's spending it with family. But I do want to get him something. I just don't know what."

"Well, you were nineteen once upon a time. What did you want back then?"

Thor sighed.

"Nothing," he said, perhaps a shade bitterly. "I thought I had everything. And that nothing could change that. So I guess I could have done with a crystal ball or maybe some Tarot cards."

He heard Sif tut at him.

"Now, now," she said. "None of that. He's a young man is all I meant. Have a good think about it. I'm sure you'll come up with something."

Thor wished he had her faith.

"And we've agreed to tell the parents," he said, eyes tightly shut.

"Wow. After one date?"

"It's not announcing an engagement! It's... You know. Just saying that I'm seeing someone. It's keeping them informed."

She laughed.

"Oh, relax! I'm teasing. But your mom might not be. Let's hope your dad can tone her excitement down a little bit. Nice excitement though. Glad her boy is meeting people he likes."

Yeah. That's what he was worried about. She might put all her eggs for his future happiness in one Loki-sized basket. It maybe they'd worry about him dating a teenager and question how serious it could be.

Relationship minefield.

"If you're wanting advice, I'm not sure I can give any," Sif said. "I can't so much as mention a man to my mother without her jumping to pregnancy. It's hardly the same problem."

No, it really wasn't, was it? Sif's mother sometimes seemed to think he wasn't really gay and was undertaking some long game to seduce her daughter.

"Do you think our parents went through this?" he asked. "You know. Having to tell their parents about their partners?"

"Pretty sure every generation takes great glee in embarrassing the one that follows. Subconsciously maybe. But all the same. If Balder ever has kids, you'll be just the same, uncle-dancing all over the place, making bad jokes."

Thor chuckled. Yeah, that sounded fun.

Sounded even better if he imagined Loki by his side, acting mortified but secretly laughing.

Funny how simple ideas suddenly felt special with someone special in his life.


	55. Chapter 55

It was almost like the truck resented him. Like it knew that he'd been on a date, that his affection was well and truly shared now.

Maybe that was why she was so grumpy, rumbling and clunking her way around.

He tried everything he could think of. Premium fuel, keeping to a steady speed as much as possible, taking routes that avoided junctions as far as possible to try for smoothness over everything else.

Somehow, he managed to nurse her around almost all his deliveries. Really needed to get her checked when he got back. Something wasn't right.

Loki's texts arrived every day like clockwork and he tried his best to reply as though he wasn't constantly burning to ask what he wanted for his birthday. It didn't even have to be a fun thing. A textbook or something else he needed. But something.

He made a point of checking out most towns he stopped in, the local stores, antique places and unique book shops. Nothing jumped out at him except a taxidermied pufferfish, but more for novelty value than because he thought Loki might actually like it.

He really was terrible at gifts.

Couldn't get him booze as he was too young. Didn't know enough about chemistry to get him anything useful. What else, what else?

The whole week somehow vanished and he still hadn't found the right thing.

In the end, the choice was rather taken out of his hands.

He'd stopped his truck at a rest stop just for a few minutes and now the damn thing wouldn't start. He tried and tried and tried, the engine making noises like an angry dolphin, and then had to admit defeat. She needed a mechanic. He had to call work and explain.

At least they were vaguely sympathetic. They could cover his deliveries, they said, as he was seeing the poor thing unhitched from its trailer to be towed. Accommodation was his responsibility though.

"Ooh..." the mechanic said, whistling as he looked at the engine. "Yep. Burnt out glow plugs. Should've been changed ages ago."

"Can you fix it?" Thor asked.

"Sure, but all my plugs are for cars, not trucks. I'll have it done by Sunday, just means I've got to have a set brought here."

Sunday. And this was Friday. Two whole days to use up. Mini-vacation. Sure, he could cope with this.

Thor ended up wandering the streets, looking for a hotel without much luck. He wasn't intending to pay a hundred bucks for each night.

He stopped for an early dinner or late lunch in what claimed to be a local, family Italian. It was well priced, he could say that. The food wasn't the best he'd ever had, but was far from the worst too.

And then, sitting by himself and generally feeling a little deflated, he called Loki.

"Hey, how are you?"

His voice couldn't help but make Thor smile, soothing him, making him tell the whole story with good humor rather than irritation.

"So, yeah," he finished. "God knows where I'm sleeping tonight."

"You're in Beaver?"

"Yeah. I know, right? Practically home. I can't just abandon the truck though, so there's no point in going back just to cone out again."

"No, it's just... I'm on the bus on my way to Beaver. That's, uh... It's where I'm from."

No way. Of all the towns.

"Do you know any cheap hotels?"

"Um... Why don't you... come stay at my mom's? There's a couch or I'm sure we can get a camp bed down from the attic."

Thor hesitated. Go and meet Loki's mom and step-dad, now? On the other hand, no more stressing about where he'd lay his head...

"Are you sure that would be OK? I mean, it will be quite a shock."

"Exactly why I'm not suggesting you sleep in my bedroom, though obviously I'd like you to. I'll call them and explain. It'll be fine. Show up around eight, if you can."

He gave Thor the address to scrawl down on a napkin. His heart pounded. Fate kept raising its head, having Loki call him when he was Roxy, both of them living in the same town, bringing them together now.

It was difficult to argue when the universe so clearly wanted him to meet Loki's mom.

Right. He had over three hours.

Plenty of time to find the perfect birthday present.


	56. Chapter 56

"Can you gift-wrap it?"

"Of course, sir. There is a $3 surcharge for that service..."

"That's fine. Thank you."

Like hell was he going to show up with an unwrapped gift.

Thor had never known nerves like this. He'd met John's parents once upon a time, but that was in a dinner environment. He wasn't turning up out of the blue on their doorstep. With the news that he was dating their son.

He wished he had a tie. Or a sharp jacket. Or anything that wasn't jeans and t-shirts worn far too many times.

He didn't trust himself to get around by sense of direction alone and caught a cab, growing less and less comfortable with every new suburban street they drove through. Normal. Ordinary.

Eventually, the driver stopped in front of a neat house, striped lawn and trimmed bushes. Was this it? Was this where little Loki grew up? It didn't seem possible. There ought to be more evidence of that fact.

The doorbell played a jaunty tune. He was still frowning at it in surprise when the door opened. Loki looked just as awkward as he felt, stepping back to let him in, two other figures standing in the hall, waiting for him.

Such evident scrutiny almost burned. Loki had his mother's coloring, it seemed, same dark hair and green eyes. Her face was softer, her build a little heavier. Not nearly as heavy as the step-father though. Thor got the feeling he was used to being the tallest and biggest man in any given room. And generally, he would be. It was amazing he could get through doors with those shoulders.

Forced smile hopefully not too obvious, Thor stepped forward to shake their hands.

"Hello, I'm Thor. Thank you so much for letting me stay. I really do appreciate it."

"It's no trouble," Loki's mother said, though Thor got the distinct feeling she was just being polite. "I'm Laufey. And this is my partner, Ymir. Come in and sit down. Would you like a drink?"

"You like Scotch?" Ymir asked.

"Uh..." Thor said. "Only if you're having one."

"Of course! Glad to have a man to drink with at last."

Well, Thor was already a little lost. Was this welcoming? Was it a dig at Loki for... For what? Not being 21 yet? He could hardly help that.

Thinking of Loki...

"Here," Thor said, proffering the little gift bag he'd brought. "This is for you."

Loki took it, shaking his head as he led the way into a sitting room, all leather armchairs and burnished lamps, like a fancy restaurant.

"I thought we agreed no gifts?"

"Well... I thought a little something couldn't hurt."

He was evidently right. Loki carefully unwrapped the box and opened it, gasping. A watch. Not expensive, definitely just for practicality. But he was a busy guy. Thor thought it might be useful to have the time always on his wrist.

"Thank you. It's beautiful."

Thor couldn't help but notice that Loki waited until his mother was out of the room and Ymir was at the drinks cabinet with his back turned before pressing a quick, chaste kiss to his lips.

Just shy around his family? Or had he not got round to telling them the extent of their relationship yet?

"Here you are," Ymir rumbled, pushing a large tumbler into Thor's hand. "That'll put some hair on your chest."

Thor sipped politely. He was never sure what to say to such assertions, not least because he was pretty sure his chest already had all the hair it was ever going to grow, and tried to look like he was savoring the drink carefully.

"So, Thor," Laufey said, returning with blankets and pillows, ready to make up a couch bed for him. "Tell us about yourself."

She had a look on her face like she knew... She knew he'd touched her son. And she wasn't especially pleased about it.

Or maybe he was just paranoid.

"Not much to tell, really. I work for a delivery firm. I live in Philly. It's not too far to travel to my parents' place for visits. Uh..."

"And your truck broke down?"

"I'm afraid so, forcing me to intrude upon your hospitality."

Be humble and self-deprecating. That usually works.

Ymir let out a strange noise that Thor eventually identified as laughter.

"A whisky-drinking trucker," he said. "I don't know. Of all the types Loki might bring home."

Ah, so they did know?

"Are you sure you're gay?"

A joke, apparently. Not a very funny one, but an attempt at humor. Still, Thor decided to combat it by being deadly serious.

"Positive," he said. "And oddly enough it doesn't affect my driving or my drinking."

He felt a little worried by the beat of silence that followed, but then Ymir laughed again, presumably imagining some kind of lust-powered vehicle.

Thor hoped he wasn't imagining the faint feeling of pride he thought he was getting from Loki.

Yeah. He could do this.

It would be fine.


	57. Chapter 57

All in all, Thor felt he handled himself rather well. Dignified, but affable. Once he relaxed a little, he felt less like an unwanted guest and only like a surprise visitor.

Loki certainly seemed to think so, giving him little smiles and even a wink when he was leaving to go to bed.

Though maybe he'd been more tense than he'd realised because as soon as the door closed and he was left alone with a desk lamp and the couch, it was as if his shoulders could finally fall. He let out a deep, cleansing sigh, got into his pyjamas and tried to get comfortable.

Well, he'd slept in worse places. It wasn't too bad, when he'd found himself a groove to snuggle into.

How had they taken him? Did they like him? Didn't they like him? And while he thought Ymir might be genuinely trying to be accepting, he had a strange way of going about it with his needling jokes and little comments. No wonder Loki bristled at it and found conflict there.

Maybe one day the two of them would get used to one another. Or maybe that tension would always be there. It was difficult. And Thor wasn't sure how to help. It wasn't his place to interfere and blunt words could erase any progress he had made to be welcomed by them.

Progress which could also be erased should they, for example, find him cuddled up with their son in the middle of the night. But it seemed Loki didn't care.

Thor wasn't sure what time it was when he became aware of the door opening. He had definitely been asleep. And it was very dark.

And then there were long limbs crawling up onto him and warm lips pressing against his skin.

"Hey," Thor whispered. "You shouldn't be down here. I don't think your mom would..."

It was hard to talk through a kiss.

"Loki, I'm serious."

"Ssh... I'm serious too. Just want a little snuggle, that's all. Nothing messy. Besides, they're asleep. It's fine."

Well, maybe a little physical affection couldn't hurt.

Thor opened his arms properly and pulled the blanket over both of them, letting Loki cuddle in and nestle his head on his chest. They'd be fine as long as they didn't wake up like this.

Even if they did, it wasn't like fully-clothed non-active lying down would be mistaken for anything else. Probably.

"So was today your actual birthday?" Thor asked, keeping his voice low. "You never actually gave me a specific date, you know."

"Yeah, it was today. You missed the cake, but there should be some left over for breakfast."

"And you don't... I haven't interrupted any plans, have I?"

"Nothing that can't be changed, I shouldn't think."

Well, that was good. Though if they were going out to dinner or whatever, he wouldn't mind being left. He'd borrow a book or call his parents or something.

Should call them anyway and inform them of Loki's existence. He still hadn't fulfilled his end of that little deal.

As he'd suspected, lying with Loki was so normal now that he was in real danger of drifting off. His chest was steady and his body so warm and everything felt right and then Loki was saying something to him.

"Hmm? Sorry?"

"I asked if you can drive me home in your truck on Sunday. If it's fixed. I think I'd like to see it, finally."

Well, why not?

"Sure," he murmured. "But right now, you need go back to bed before I fall asleep and trap you down here in my cuddle cage."

Loki giggled and shuffled up his body for one last kiss.

"You have a bed in the truck, right?" he asked thoughtfully. "Maybe we could..."

Mmm.

"Maybe we could. But seriously, time for sleep now."

"Fine. Goodnight."

Yeah. A surprisingly good one, all things considered.


	58. Chapter 58

How long had he been sleeping? It felt like a while. The peace of such a quiet street had evidently kept him undisturbed. He was the same when he visited his parents. Being away from the city and traffic noise always seemed to make his body lose track of time.

Regardless, he woke slowly, taking a moment to get his barings, making sure he was decent before following the sound of quiet conversation, walking into an astonishingly bright kitchen. White surfaces and shiny tiled floor. So clean you'd almost think it wasn't used. And in the middle of it all, Loki, kicking his feet atop an enormous stool by the breakfast bar, coffee steaming gently.

"Good morning," Laufey called from what seemed a fairly sizable utility room. "Coffee should still be fresh if you want some. And there's cake in the fridge, just make sure you press the plastic wrap back down firmly."

"Thank you."

She seemed busy, fluttering around them, doing what looked to Thor like a hundred tasks at once.

"Sweetheart, we need to pick a few things up down at the store," she said, passing for perhaps the twentieth time. "We won't be long, only forty minutes."

"Yeah, no problem. We'll shower and get dressed while you're out. Ready to face the day."

"OK. The guest towels are in the drawer as usual."

Loki smiled impishly at her, sipping his coffee, in no rush. Thor could practically feel his anticipation. Forty minutes, all alone. The mind raced.

Sure enough, the moment the door closed and the sound of their car driving away had echoed through to them in the kitchen, Loki downed his coffee and grinned across the perfect, white surface at him.

"Well," Thor said, sensing a chance to tease. "We'd better get a move on if we're both going to get clean and clothed before they get back."

Loki called his bluff, of course.

"There's a walk-in shower upstairs," he said, slipping off his stool. "Big and steamy and spacious. Save water and wash together. I bet we won't even touch the sides, no matter how active we get."

As it turned out, a little leaning against the tiled wall was necessary for support if nothing else. Loki had happily run his hands all over Thor's body the moment he undressed, mainly playfully but with a certain degree of hunger. After only a few days apart? Thor wasn't sure whether to be flattered or worried or both.

Not that he had much time to think about it with Loki handing him the shampoo bottle and dropping to his knees.

"You can wash my hair," he said, smiling up from under the spray of the water. "Since you're so worried about the time."

This was going to end in tears, probably. All the same, Thor couldn't deny that the water added something. A surrounding heat, a tingling sensation as it flowed over his skin, so warm and yet Loki's mouth was warmer as he leant forward to wrap his lips around Thor's cock.

He really wasn't doing a good job of lathering the shampoo. Too busy trying to keep the suds out of Loki's eyes and stop his knees from buckling.

A questioning hum made his fingers stutter even more than they had been already.

"So good," he managed, massaging Loki's scalp a little more tenderly. "Fuck, your mouth."

Loki pulled back, leaning to rinse off a little bit.

"Why don't you?"

"What?"

"Fuck my mouth. Gently, if you prefer."

He did prefer, but there was something to be said for rocking forward to meet each of Loki's surges, feeling his shaft rub over the velvet of his tongue, gasping and clinging to the wall for dear life.

He came with a moan, fingers slipping across Loki's skin as he pulled him up for kisses in between his gasps for air.

But about reciprocation... Loki tended to get a bit flaily when he was in the moment. Having soap in that mix wouldn't be a good idea.

Then again he could always...

"Turn around," he murmured against Loki's ear. "And lean against the tiles."

Loki bit his lip but span round instantly, bending over, legs apart as Thor pulled the shower head down.

"What are you going to do to me?" Loki asked, all hope and want, his cock evidently straining.

"I'm going to get you clean," Thor said, experimenting with the settings. "And them I'm gonna find out how you like being eaten out."

Well, he liked the idea plenty if the moan was anything to go by. He'd never done this before. He'd have to let Loki's reactions guide him.

The first splash of water directly between his cheeks had Loki gasping, his hips twitching already. Thor couldn't hold them apart properly, but he could rub with his thumb, feel the tight muscles there quivering and relaxing, almost coaxing him to open.

And they didn't have time to tease. He found himself putting the shower head back quicker than he'd anticipated, kneeling to finally look properly and run the flat of his tongue in a long pass from as far forward as he could reach to almost the base of Loki's spine. He could hear Loki's desperate breathing over the water, turning to moans and words as Thor started focussing his attentions right on the most sensitive skin.

"Oh, fuck, oh, fuck... Mmm... Mm, I like that."

"Can you come like this? If you jerk off?"

Loki pushed his hips back into Thor's face.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll come, just don't stop..."

The sloppier he was, the better Loki liked it, practically squealing when he finally got brave enough to try sticking his tongue inside. Loki's hand grew frantic, hips rolling, desperate, whispering pleas Thor couldn't hear but assumed were good.

Loki spilled with a cry, his hole left just a tiny bit open afterwards once the clenching was over, his pale skin marked by Thor's beard and thighs trembling as they rushed their way through the rest of washing and getting dry and dressed.

Thirty-five minutes, timed almost to perfection.

Forty minutes came and went with no signs of being disturbed. They could easily have taken longer, it seemed.

Typical.


	59. Chapter 59

"The house wasn't always like this," Loki said, making a start on lunch before they got back. "It was never normally this clean. But they used the money from Ymir selling his place to replace the kitchen and put in the giant shower upstairs. Used to be a bath. And so now everything has to be scrubbed constantly."

"Well, they probably want to keep it nice for as long as possible."

Loki snorted.

"No, my mom accidently kept the house clean too long when they were dating and now she feels she has to keep it perfect for the sake of the relationship."

Thor found himself hesitating. There was obvious tension here, and he fully understood why. Loki felt like his mother was changing, becoming different to the woman who had raised him in order to attract a man who seemed rather insensitive if not actively antagonistic.

All the same, it wasn't his place to interfere. It was difficult not to be patronizing or otherwise tone deaf if he tried to say something comforting. Or point out that life was changing for his mother. She no longer had a child living at home but a college student in another city to worry about.

"Lucky I let you see how messy I can be right from the off, then," Thor said instead.

Loki chuckled, liberally drizzling olive oil over mixed salad. A big one, enough for all of them. He was at least trying to find peace in the family home.

After all, this construction and plumbing work was presumably done after he left for college and therefore very recently. It had to be difficult, seeing his childhood chipped away at, piece by piece.

Nice kitchen though. And maybe a little bit of naughtiness had relaxed Loki a little, getting his urge to rebel out in a non-destructive way.

He showed Thor how to operate the intimidating grill so they could make bruschetta. It was so effortlessly fancy that Thor could hardly believe Loki put up with the kind of food he made. Or maybe this was part of the charm offensive. 'Hey, Mom, meet my boyfriend, he's sophisticated and housebroken and everything.'

"Wow," Laufey said, arriving about twenty minutes after they'd expected them back, laden with groceries. "You didn't have to do all this."

"We wanted to," Loki smiled.

Yeah. Definitely part of the charming.

As such, Thor figured it was his job to be helpful and attentive, listening intently to conversation, insisting on helping clear up afterwards. They were letting him stay out of the goodness of their hearts, after all.

"So, Thor's going to drive me home in his truck tomorrow," Loki said nonchalantly, spooning out fresh coffee grounds. "Don't worry. We won't bring it to the house. We'll take a taxi out to the mechanic."

Laufey seemed instantly on edge.

"The truck that crashed?" she asked.

"Mom, I told you, that had nothing to do with the truck. Someone else crashed and Thor had to take evasive action. He probably saved someone's life. I'll be fine."

"Does it have seatbelts?"

"Of course," Thor said. "And we won't be carrying a load, so it will be far more responsive."

"Oh, Lauf, stop worrying," Ymir rumbled. "Every boy loves trucks. How often will he get the chance? Besides, saves him having to squeeze onto a bus next to some stranger."

Thor glanced at Loki, who seemed to be having some kind of internal war as the coffee percolated. He didn't like Ymir, but now they were in the same corner.

"Thank you," he said eventually. "Remind me, two sugars?"

"No, no sugar," Laufey said. "We are using the artificial sweetener these days. It's in the cupboard."

Ymir made an exaggerated face like he was terribly hard done by, but it turned into a smile all the same.

She sighed heavily, but fondly.

"Ganged up on, as usual. How have I managed to go from one man in my life to three so suddenly? Your mother must feel quite the same, Thor."

"Worse, in fact. I have a younger brother too."

And speaking of which...

"I really ought to call her, actually," he said. "I usually call on the weekend. Excuse me."

He left to the sound of Laufey teasingly telling Loki off for not having learned from his boyfriend's habits.

Yeah. His habits that now meant he'd have to explain he had a boyfriend while in that boyfriend's mother's house. Great job, Thor!


	60. Chapter 60

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mom."

"Thor!"

Same response as usual. Thor sat among the blankets of his makeshift bed and tried simultaneously to keep his voice down but not sound like he was keeping his voice down. He didn't want to draw any more attention to this embarrassment.

"Hey. Um... I have some pretty important news."

He could barely hear his own voice over the sound of his heart beating.

"Oh, really? What is it?"

Deep breaths. Words, preferably in a sensible order.

"I'm seeing someone. Dating someone, you know. His name is Loki, he's nineteen, he's a chemistry student and he's... He's great. He really is."

He'd blurted all of that out and only then registered the silence from the other end, broken only by that barely audible sound of his father asking what had happened and why she was smiling like that.

Alright, so at least she was smiling.

"Oh!" she finally said. "Oh, I'm so glad. I'm sure he's wonderful. It must be fairly serious for you to be telling us though. Do you think he'd like to meet us? No pressure, of course."

"No, I... I'm sure he would. I've actually ended up accidentally meeting his mom and step-dad this weekend, so..."

A pause and then her tone was icy.

"You're meeting his family before even telling us about him?"

"No! Well, yes, but it's not my fault. The truck broke down and it turned out they lived nearby and they very kindly let me sleep on their couch for the weekend. I was going to tell you very soon, I promise. It just... Things happened."

A fake angry growl and then the distinctive rustling sound of the phone being put on speaker.

"Well, it would be rude of you to stay away from your hosts too long, but give us a quick description. What's he like?"

Thor ran a hand through his hair, trying to think. What was Loki like? It was almost difficult to put into words.

"Well, he's funny. And cheeky, but in a good way. And smart. He's so smart, he makes me feel like a fourth grader talking to a professor. I really like him and I'm sure you will too. Though he might be nervous at first. I know I was, coming here last night."

He could practically hear his parents smiling at each other.

"Send us a list of your free weekends," his father said. "We'll sort something out. Dinner maybe."

"Or you could both come to visit."

Thor made himself chuckle a little.

"I'll check with him and let you know," he said.

"Alright. We'll let you go. And thank them for us for looking after you."

"I will. Bye-bye."

Why had he been so worried about that? That had been fine. Easy, even.

He was probably really obviously happy when he went back through to the kitchen and even the lukewarm coffee he'd forgotten about didn't seem so bad.

"We were just saying," Laufey said. "That since you're both here, and it's still Loki's birthday weekend, we ought to do something special."

"What kind of special?" Loki asked suspiciously.

"Well, anything you like, sweetheart. We could go for dinner or the theater or we could take a nice walk..."

"I'd be up for that," Thor said, fingers crossed for a walk since he didn't exactly have the right clothes for a fancy dinner or a show. "Whatever you like."

"Well, since the weather's nice, I guess... And the exercise will do us good."

Ymir drove them out to a suitable location, with Laufey co-driving with a certain degree of over-caution while Thor and Loki sat in the back with all the things she insisted they couldn't walk without. Water bottles, first aid kit, insect repellant. All very sensible, Thor had to admit.

It was nice. Better than nice. Thor didn't get to be out in the great outdoors as much as he'd like, not outside of a truck anyway, and it was nice to be away from city noise and in nature.

Even if it meant he had to answer 'subtle' questions from Laufey in between spotting caterpillars and songbirds, the most pressing of which, of course, was...

"So, how exactly did you two meet in the first place?"

Thor felt his mind go immediately, horribly blank.

"Well... Er..."


	61. Chapter 61

"It was fate," Loki said, coming to his rescue. "I wrote a phone number down wrong and I ended up calling Thor by mistake, several times. And, well, we started talking, found out we lived close together and... Well, when we met, I think we knew we'd be friends, if not more."

How long had be been holding on to that little speech? Thor's jaw had dropped, but he found himself nodding. Yes, it made sense, didn't it? It was just plausible enough to be true.

And, more importantly, it didn't admit that he had been a sex line operator masquerading as a woman who Loki had called exclusively to piss off Ymir at first and then because he needed a friend to talk to outside of his college peers.

Then they'd fallen in love. Obviously? Tale as old as time.

Maybe Loki was right. Maybe it was fate. He'd had that thought, hadn't he? That it was almost too much of a coincidence that Loki had chosen to call Roxy and that they lived so close together and that they were both single and interested and compatible.

Even that his accident had forced Sif to tell the truth.

"How romantic," Laufey said, sounding like she didn't believe a word of it.

Probably thought they'd met at some kind of sex party.

Still, he could imagine retelling that story. Just the two of them - and Sif, of course, but she was trustworthy - knowing what really happened.

"I hope you don't mind," Loki said later, after they'd gone home and eaten, full stomachs making sleep seem very attractive to the point that Laufey and Ymir were dozing on their respective ends of the couch. "That I told the story of how we stumbled upon one another."

_Translation - I hope you don't mind that I lied on your behalf._

"Not at all," Thor said, taking his hand and stroking it with his thumb. "It sounds better when you tell it."

Loki grinned at him and leant over for a kiss, which of course was just getting warmed up when Laufey coughed and spluttered and sat up properly and announced they all really ought to go to bed.

Sleeping did sound pretty good... They had walked a surprisingly long way and fresh air tended to make Thor sleepy anyway.

"We might stay up just a little longer," Loki said.

Hmm, but getting to hang out together alone sounded even better.

Laufey seemed a little torn. It had to be difficult, knowing her little boy was grown up. She wanted to protect him, but wanted him to be happy and feared he would resent her well-meaning interference.

Or, at least, Thor felt he would, in her place.

"Alright," she said eventually. "But remember one of you has to drive in the morning. I don't want to see a single yawn at breakfast."

"You won't, don't worry."

Once she'd gone and her footsteps had retreated up the stairs, Loki relocated himself to Thor's lap. Just for closeness. And Thor thought he liked being held, having someone strong enough to support his weight. Being so tall, it had to be nice to feel supported physically like that.

"You hadn't told your parents," Loki said, stating a fact.

Thor startled, his grip tightening defensively.

"I... How did you know?"

"Just that my mom mentioned your mom and suddenly you were off to call home urgently. It wasn't exactly subtle."

Well, fair enough. Thor stroked his thigh idly, hoping he wasn't hurt.

"I was going to tell them today anyway," he said. "But then everything happened out of order. Different to how I expected it to happen."

A pause, just the sound of his palm rubbing against Loki's jeans reaching his ears.

"How did they take it?" Loki asked.

"Oh, they... They're thrilled. And jealous that I've alteady met your family. Want me to organise a get together so you can meet them as soon as possible. If you want to, of course."

Loki nodded, a little distracted, nervous.

"I suppose that's only fair."

"They'll love you," Thor insisted. "Like I do."

Another pause and Thor felt he ought to ask the question he didn't want to ask.

"How did your mom take it when you told her about me?"

Loki sighed.

"Fine, I guess. Better for having met you. I think... I think she doesn't like the idea of me have a romantic life. Let alone a sexual one."

"Well, I mean... It must be difficult to adjust to."

"I guess. You know, I've always thought it was weird when people announce a pregnancy. I mean, it's basically announcing that you've had sex. It must be weird for grandparents, I think. Knowing that they can only be grandparents because their kid has been... doing the horizontal tango."

What a way to phrase it.

"That's practically revenge. I think it's a right of passage for everyone to realise that they only exist because their parents had sex. Unless they were conceived through fertility treatment or whatever. But still... Best not to think about it in too much detail, if you ask me."

He very deliberately didn't voice the thought that Laufey and Ymir probably had a sexual aspect to their relationship. That was a line he wasn't prepared to cross.

"And it's not like that's all it is," Thor said thoughtfully. "Like you said, it's a romantic thing. It's mostly talking, listening, supporting each other. That's the important stuff. The sex is just for fun."

Loki hummed. Thor wasn't sure if it was in agreement or not.

"Does that mean you'll still let me fuck you in all the glamor of a truck cab tomorrow?"

Thor laughed helplessly.

"Not just 'let you.' I want you to. And then we can go home for lunch. Or early dinner depending what time it is."

"Sounds good."

The temptation to stay all cuddled up together was strong, but he knew they wouldn't both manage to squeeze onto the couch and be comfortable for long.

Besides, the sooner they slept, the sooner it would be tomorrow. And then they could cuddle with impunity.


	62. Chapter 62

"Now, you're sure you'll be alright?"

"Of course, Mom. We might take a scenic route just because we can, but we'll be home before dark and I will call you as soon as we arrive, I promise."

Thor got the feeling that this was a reworking of a conversation they had had many times as Laufey enveloped Loki as best she could. Years of going to slumber parties or visiting friends and finally leaving home for college.

"I'll be back to visit soon," Loki said as Thor awkwardly shook hands with Ymir.

"You always say that and then I have to beg and bully you to show your face."

Yeah, that sounded familiar from his own home life...

But their taxi was waiting patiently - or as patiently as taxis ever waited - so Laufey had to let him go, his weekend bag dangling from one shoulder.

Loki sighed as they slipped into the back seat, their relative laundry bags in the middle between them.

"You OK?" Thor asked.

"Yeah. I know she doesn't mean to, but she does make me feel guilty sometimes. About leaving and living on campus when I could probably commute if I really wanted. But I do know she doesn't mean it. She wants me to get my degree and to be happy and it's so much more convenient for me to stay in the city. Besides, if I was still here, I'd be seriously cramping their style."

No doubt about that. And Thor knew that feeling. He knew he didn't call home nearly as often as he ought to.

"At least you know she loves you," he tried.

"Yeah. And that she tries. Maybe I need to try harder to meet her halfway."

Well, that sounded hopeful.

Poor old truck. Thor had become so used to all her little dings and scratches that he hardly noticed them anymore. But he was acutely aware of them when showing her to Loki after he'd checked the payment to the mechanic had gone through.

"Wow," Loki said, making Thor wince at his tone.

"I know. She's a mess. Needs a new paint job. Or a new everything."

"No! That's not what I meant. This is your baby, I wouldn't dream of insulting her."

At least the interior was a little better. There weren't too many crumbs and since no one sat in the passenger seat generally, the upholstery on it was probably plush and comfortable.

"It smells like you," Loki said. "But concentrated."

"Is that good or gross?"

"Mm, both. A good kind of gross. Like your hair when you haven't washed it."

Thor wasn't quite sure what he meant by that, but presumably it made sense to him.

The key turned so easily, the engine purring to life. They'd worked miracles, it seemed. It hadn't been this smooth in all the time he'd been driving. Maybe this problem had been coming for a while and was now fixed.

"So, come on," Loki said as they pulled onto a proper road. "I want the full trucking experience. Horrible food, talk radio, cramped, messy sex. Ooh, you should totally drop me off and drive round the block so we can play hitchhikers."

Thor found himself laughing.

"The first one's true, but I don't tend to listen to the radio at all. Just makes me angry. And I don't take hitchers, just in case. You never know who they are."

"But we could still play pretend... You be the predatory trucker and I'll be the sweet, innocent traveller who turns the tables and makes you see stars."

Someone was confident.

"Or I could show you how it really goes down. Getting condoms and lube out of a machine in a diner bathroom, driving to a secluded spot, going quick and hard in the back and hoping no one realises..."

Loki sighed.

"Alright, fine. We'll play it by ear. But I still want you to pick me up. Find a diner, drop me, take a little detour while I get the stuff and then come get me."

Thor couldn't deny that it sounded fun. He just wasn't sure he'd be any good at it.

But, after making sure Loki had change for the machine and enough cash to buy two of whatever sandwiches they had, Thor dutifully drove in a big circle back onto the highway and off at the next intersection, back around again.

He'd look really suspicious on any cameras around, but oh, well. They had better things to look out for on those feeds, probably.

And then he drove back into the tiny diner carpark and felt his eyes almost pop put of his head.

Yeah, that was Loki alright, swinging a brown paper bag idly by his side. He'd taken his coat off and knotted his t-shirt so it showed his midriff and Thor could only watch as he popped a gum bubble with an expression Thor could only think of as artificial boredom. Where had he even got bubblegum from?

Loki's eyes lit up and he prowled his way around the cab as Thor pulled up, giving him a sly smile, standing on tiptoe to look in the window.

"Going my way, Mister?"

Thor's mouth had suddenly gone dry and he was forced to swallow hard.

"Yeah," he croaked. "Yeah, I think I might be. Hop in."

Loki grinned.


	63. Chapter 63

Thor would never have thought of the scent of bubblegum as erotic before but, damn, if that combination of sugar and chemicals wasn't doing it for him right at that moment.

The sound as well. The knowledge that Loki had something in his mouth, that he would soon be tasting that over-sweetness from his lips.

He forced himself to concentrate, heading off the highway. He didn't even know where they were going. Just away from prying eyes.

"Where are we going?" Loki asked as though reading his mind, studied innocence and yet also a wicked knowledge dripping from every word.

"It's a shortcut."

Somehow it was easier to relax into his role more now. A game. A bit of fun. Like he used to do when he was Roxy, just now he was playing a dark version of himself.

And, if he wanted to, he could back out at any time. Roxy hadn't really had that freedom. He'd had to wince his way through whatever was asked of him.

It was strangely comforting knowledge, that he could call a halt or a pause if he needed to.

He spotted a likely looking sideroad, a country track with an obvious turning circle in it and jerked the truck into it, deliberately brushing his fingers across Loki's knee as he pulled the hand brake on.

"Why have we stopped? Is there something wrong?"

Thor took a deep breath and finally turned to look at him, all wide eyes and biting his lip but not quite able to hide the laughter that was threatening to bubble up out of his throat.

"I have money for gas, if that's the problem."

He proffered Thor's change at him, gasping when Thor seized his wrist and pressed it bad to his chest.

"I don't want your money," he said, rubbing his thumb over where he hoped Loki's nipple was.

"Then what do you want?"

"I think you know."

"No, I don't. I don't know what you're talking about."

Thor stroked his cheek with one finger, from the bone right down to the corner of his mouth.

"You're so pretty," he said almost thoughtfully.

Loki pressed his lips together and then huffed, falling unceremoniously out of character, pulling his thoroughly chewed bubblegum out and wrapping it in its paper packaging.

"Thor, come on, you have to say it out loud."

His annoyance was so cute and Thor had to fight to hold back his giggles.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Was I not being creepy enough for you? I feel like I'm going to need a shower to get this stereotype off."

"Shut up, I know how you look when you're hot for something. I'm amazed you managed to keep your hands off me as long as you did. And I'm getting a cold belly for your benefit."

He couldn't hold it any longer. Thor threw his head back and laughed, reaching out to lay one hand over the offended piece of skin, feeling that it was, indeed, a little chilly.

"I'm sorry, baby. Why don't we get in the back and I'll do my best to warm you up?"

"Well, I dunno, my mom always told me, never trust strangers. Especially not ones who want to do bad things with you."

Thor shrugged and pulled his shirt off, rubbing at his shoulder just to make his bicep flex a little.

"Well, I'm going back there," he said. "And you can join me if you want."

He hadn't even managed to get to the cot when Loki swatted him on the behind. Not hard, nothing more than playful, but surprising enough to make him let out an undignified squeak.

"You are no fun, Thor!"

But then he heard the rustle of the bag, Loki retrieving the necessary equipment, and set about getting comfortable, shimmying out of the rest of his clothes. He was naked by the time Loki joined him, his cock already plumping up against his thigh.

"How do you want me?" he asked, enjoying the way Loki's eyes raked over him.

"I... Hmm... There really isn't much room back here, huh?"

There really wasn't. They probably wanted to discourage this type of thing. The cot was meant to be exclusively for napping in.

Experimentally, and still clothed, Loki clambered onto the lower end of the thin mattress and bent Thor's legs at the knees, shuffling his way between them.

"This would probably work," he said. "We'll manage. I'm determined. Very determined"

Thor took the sachet of lube from him, making a start, and watched as struggled to undo the knot in the bottom of his t-shirt and get it over his head.

"Are you nervous?" Thor asked, knowing the answer.

There'd been a reason Loki wanted to play, he thought. It was easier to pretend to have confidence than to actually be confident.

"Maybe," Loki half lied. "I mean, the first time you sucked me off, I almost came in the first few seconds. I'm just worried I'll get in you and, boom, done."

"I won't mind, I promise. Besides, I might join you. Just the thought of it... Mmm."

He was rushing, he knew, needy and wanting, watching as Loki awkwardly rolled a condom on.

"Did I do that right? I pinched the end like they taught us to."

"Looks right to me. Come here. I want you."

He'd done this rodeo enough times. Not with someone who hadn't before, or not to his knowledge anyway. And Loki seemed to like watching the way he was stretching himself, two and then three fingers buried deep inside.

"I'm ready when you are," Thor breathed, watching as Loki squared his shoulders and shuffled forward on his knees.


	64. Chapter 64

"Oh!"

Thor could only answer Loki's moan with his own. He'd prepared himself too quickly more thoroughly than normal in terms of lubrication, aware of Loki's sensitivity, but it had been so long since he'd felt this.

More than that. It had been so long since it felt like more than just sex, since it felt like an expression of something else. He found his legs aching to wrap around Loki's body and pull him closer, deeper, hold him in this perfect moment of joining.

Loki's breathing was more like gasping, desperate for air, his eyes clamped shut.

"Hey," Thor said, trying to reach up to cup his cheek. "You OK?"

"Fuck..."

"Come here."

It was awkward, but Thor managed to pull Loki down onto his arms, kissing every inch of him as best he could.

"Go slow," he whispered. "Or fast. Whatever you want."

It seemed a real effort for him to begin thrusting, his face buried in Thor's neck and fingers digging into his hips.

But once he got started...

Thor couldn't hold in his moans. Loki was like a pneumatic drill, constant and fast, and even though the angle could have been better, it felt good all the same.

And the sounds he made... The panting, the gasps, the little whimpers, it all spoke of overwhelming feeling that Thor hoped was good.

But, alas, such speed could not last.

Loki didn't give any warning before suddenly crying out and collapsing forward and, yeah, Thor knew the feeling that must be rolling through him. A mix of high pleasure and deep humiliation at having lasted so short a time.

Well, he could help with that.

He wrapped his arms around Loki completely, nuzzling into his hair, not speaking but trying to convey through his body that it was OK and normal and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

"Sorry," Loki murmured.

"Shh... It's fine. It was good."

"While it lasted."

Somehow, Thor managed to find his face and made sure he was gazing right into his eyes.

"Don't you dare be embarrassed," he said, even though he wasn't sure whether the pink on Loki's cheeks was from emotion or exertion.

"I couldn't even make you come."

A firm kiss was required and duly administered.

"You've made me come a bunch of times," he said. "And I'd like to hope that will continue. But trust me, no one lasts their first time. It's normal."

"Are you saying I'll get used to it and grow into it?"

"Probably. But even if you never lasted, I would happily spend the rest of my life having quickies with you that actually mean something real. No amount of orgasms in the world mean as much as that."

"Don't patronize me."

His tone didn't match his words and Thor knew he was winning.

"I'm not. I mean it. I can't even put words together to express how I felt having you first slip into me. Because it's you. And you're... You're wonderful."

Loki groaned.

"I don't want to be 'wonderful,' I want to be a sex god."

Thor couldn't help laughing.

"Sex gods rarely just spring into existence, in my experience... I mean, experience is just the word. Wasn't that what you wanted from me in the first place?"

"Well, yeah, but... But now I want it to be good for you. Really good."

Kisses came easy when words didn't. He could pour a lot of feeling into them. Reassurance and affection and hope.

And when Loki reached down between their bodies to wrap a hand around his flagging erection, it was only too easy to be coaxed back to full hardness and through to spilling, trying to keep up his kisses but needing to gasp and sigh his way through it.

Loki was still a little upset. That much was obvious. But he relaxed a little after some heavy duty cuddling. Skin to skin, warm and safe.

Sometimes Thor felt he wasn't the best at expressing himself verbally. Weird that he'd exclusively been talking to Loki when their relationship first started. He was better at this, better at using his body to hopefully convey what he couldn't quite word out loud.

"Condoms feel weird..." Loki murmured, sitting up and pulling it off with some degree of difficulty as Thor rummaged for his tissue supply.

"You get used to them."

"Can I... try again when we get home?"

Thor smiled at him and caught his hand for a quick squeeze.

"I'd like that."

He could feel Loki's grudging smile against his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _And what is a kiss, specifically? A pledge properly sealed, a promise seasoned to taste, a vow stamped with the immediacy of a lip, a rosy circle drawn around the verb 'to love.' A kiss is a message too intimate for the ear, infinity captured in the bee's brief visit to a flower, secular communication with an aftertaste of heaven, the pulse rising from the heart to utter its name on a lover's lip: 'Forever.'_ \- Cyrano de Bergerac, Edmond Rostand


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I always skip forward by five years? I don't know. It seems a good number somehow.

"Oh, it was fate that brought us together," Thor explained, a story he'd told so often over the years that he almost forgot it wasn't quite true. "Wrong number and then we got talking and, well, here we are."

He couldn't remember which cousin of Loki's this was, but he was holding his own. Yes, I am the partner of the son of the bride. Coming up on five years now. I work managing logistics in a well known delivery company. Yes, that was one of our drivers who delivered your refridgerator...

Poor Loki had been stressed for months, ever since Laufey called to announce the engagement and ask him to give a speech. He certainly deserved to enjoy himself, but he might have had just a little too much champagne if his decision to rest his head on Thor's shoulder was anything to go by.

"You OK?"

"Mm-hm."

"Not too sleepy?"

"No..."

It wasn't fair to laugh at him, but Thor couldn't help a little chuckle, reaching across to tuck his hair behind his ear and off his face. He got a little hum for his trouble.

Lucky they were going to be staying here at the hotel. Bed was just upstairs. Wouldn't even have to go outside.

It struck Thor sometimes that now Loki was the age he had been when they first met. It was a strange thought. So much had changed since then, for both of them what with his new job and moving into an apartment together and Loki finishing his degree, but they'd somehow muddled through.

And, of course, he worried. Worried that Loki was settling or holding himself back, worried that they were together out of habit more than anything else.

But at times like this, with Loki resting on his shoulder, so comfortable and peaceful, he couldn't help but feel there was something strong rooted in their hearts, holding them together.

He didn't even hear Ymir coming until the glass of Scotch was put down in from of him. Thor had never had the heart to tell him that he really couldn't tell the difference between all the fancy brands and was just pretending to taste oak finishes and botanicals.

Ymir sat down next to him with a sigh, his suit looking a little like it had been constructed around him rather than fitted.

"Congratulations," Thor said quietly. "It was a beautiful ceremony. And a successful evening, I'd say."

"Thank you. Glad it's over though. So much stress for just one day."

"Laufey's enjoying herself though?"

"Oh, I think under the smile she's just as exhausted as that one on your shoulder."

Thor felt Loki stir just a little, but he didn't seem to have any intention of moving just yet.

Ymir sighed gently, tired, maybe a little drunk.

"You know, I wonder sometimes if he knows how much I care about him. Really. It was difficult at first and a lot of that was my fault. I'd never had kids and suddenly there was a full grown young man in my life and I had no idea how to relate. I'm glad he puts up with me, if I'm honest. And you two are so good together. Don't let it slip away from you. Work at it. Trust me. It's worth it."

Thor wasn't sure what to say to that, but fortunately Laufey came to his rescue, dragging Ymir up onto the dance floor once again.

He watched them for a moment, laughing together, and then leant over to speak softly into Loki's ear.

"I know you're not asleep," he said.

Loki huffed and sat up, pouting.

"Everyone's so mushy," he complained, stealing a sip of Thor's drink. "You know I don't cope well with mushy."

And yet he had such a tendency to get mushy himself. Not that Thor would dare say such a thing. Not out loud.

"Want to dance?" he tried.

"No. The fewer pictures of me exerting myself there are in the world, the better."

"Oh, I don't know. I think you look pretty good when you're exerting."

Loki chuckled and snuggled into his side.

"You don't need to compliment me just to get lucky, you know. I don't need convincing. I'm game."

"You're drunk."

"I'm slightly tipsy. Nothing another slice of cake won't soak up."

Thor knew when he was being asked to do something and duly sidled over to the buffet, collecting two more plates of sticky, syrupy goodness. Which Loki, of course, decided to eat with his hands, giving Thor _the look_ as he sucked his fingers clean.

"What time is it?" he asked, practically batting his eyelashes.

"Just gone one in the morning."

"Hmm..."

The thoughts were practically visibly ticking in his head. Was it too early to leave for bed? A lot of older family friends had already called it a night, but the younger cousins were still going strong. Could he get away with it?

Thor decided to take pity on him.

"I'll go tell your mom that you're hitting the hay. It's been a long day with a big build up. She'll understand."

Loki kissed him, tasting of sugar and cinnamon and just a hint of whisky, definitely giving bedroom eyes as he stood up and swayed his way across the room towards the foyer.

Laufey wasn't surprised they'd decided to head upstairs. She looked more than ready for bed herself, long slow blinks, her hair starting to come down out of its complicated up do. Maybe their departure would help wind things down, she said hopefully. Thor looked at the dancing guests behind her and didn't hold his breath.

How would Loki be waiting for him? The anticipation rolled through him as he stepped into the elevator, trying to step quietly down the corridor to their room so as not to disturb other guests. He knew Loki had brought lube for all he thought they wouldn't have time for any private time. Maybe he'd already be preparing. Maybe he'd throw the bottle across the room as soon as Thor arrived with evident intent.

Or maybe he'd be face down among the pillows, snoring gently, only just out of his suit.

Thor shook his head fondly. Poor sleepy baby. He picked up Loki's discarded things and put them back on hangers, poured them both large glasses of water, undressed and slid in beside him, carefully tucking the blanket fully around them both like their own little cocoon.

From which they could emerge as groggy, hungover butterflies.

Even asleep, Loki's body seemed to mold to his. Curling up, fitting in, perfect to be held and cuddled. His hair ticked Thor's nose a little when he leant close to whisper.

"I love you, you know. I really do."

Loki sighed happily into his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there we are. I'm sure some of you were expecting/hoping for Loki to come into his own in the bedroom, but, well, one more chance for things not to go as planned.
> 
> I am writing something new so expect that soon-ish. Maybe April. Maybe a little before April. Depends how quickly the plot's legs grow.
> 
> Thank you so much for all your kudos and comments along the way! They really make it worth it when I'm wrestling with the plot (or fixing the 18th mistake I've made!)


End file.
